Teenager has Progressive Mutism.

Since my son was six years old, he has stopped talking to everyone completely. He'd always been such a quiet boy, and then he decided he wouldn't make a sound to anyone. We thought he was doing it for attention, but our doctor told us he likely had Selective Mutism. He is sixteen years old now, and he hasn't responded positively to any of his therapy sessions, he just sits there, silently, and watches the ground. We can see he's obviously very nervous about speaking to others, even to people he's known for a very long time. At this point, he refuses to even write or type how he feels.

Whenever I search online for Selective Mutism, the cases always seem to be for young children who speak at home, but not at school. My son wasn't like this, he stopped speaking altogether, and this is what worries me. I feel like the opportunity to help him get better has passed. Now that he's a teenager, and he hasn't gotten any better. He does have one friend, who he smiles with and goes to the park with, but he won't speak for her, either. (Although, I think he has a little crush on her ) Whenever my Husband talks to him about trying to speak, he just hangs his head and keeps as much distance as he can between us. He usually locks himself in his room when he isn't truanting school. For some reason, he seems much less willing to spend his time with my Husband than myself, but my Husband does tend to question him as to why he's not spoken in ten years. When he does this, I notice my son tends to put off his food until I tell him he has to eat.

Is there any way that I'd be able to help him find his voice again? Are there any activities we could do together as a family, given his age group? I know Teenagers like their space, after all.

Hi Pinetrails. I should let you know up front I'm not an expert, therapist or professional of any sort. Nor have I had SM. So, my ideas are just my own thoughts.

First, I'd consider banning the subject of mutism in the house. Full stop. And your husband needs to be on board with this too. Does he want to be "right" or be a good dad? Questioning [nagging, threatening, bribing] hasn't worked for the last 10 years. It's not suddenly going to produce a miracle now. Stopping it probably won't either, but at least it gives your son room to breathe.

Second, I think you're right on target thinking the best opportunity for speech might be as part of something you all enjoy. It might be better if it's not something new. Is there anything you've done on vacations that might be expanded on? Cards or board games [that don't require speech to work]? Computer games, of course. Sports or hiking or favourite TV shows? Museums or exhibitions? Art? Perhaps even DIY [an opportunity to do something creative and practical.]

An alternative to fun things would be something educational. Given that he's truanting, is there a subject that he enjoys that you could get deeper into with him? A little like home-schooling but without withdrawing him from regular school. There are many options online for just about any subject area. If you're learning with him, that puts you on the same level [he's not risking being "talked down to" in the subject.] If it's something like programming, he might even need to explain things to you [that would be an awesome outcome!]

What I'd suggest looking for is ways to spend time with him without needing any speech. For you and your husband to talk normally as part of the activity, but to put no pressure on your son to join in with that part. Building a solid relationship between you, for the possibility that he will never speak again. I hope that doesn't happen. I hope he finds good reasons to rejoin the world of speech. But this covers off the "what if". He knows that you'll still love him, still appreciate him, that it's OK to make this choice. If he feels safe in that, he might start to feel safe enough to venture an occasional opinion or thought. He definitely needs to feel safe enough to express himself in writing. It's entirely possible to make his way in the world without speech, in this modern internet world. But without writing, he's locked out. Again though, I would strongly recommend against trying to force this. It seems disrespectful to me as he's old enough to make this choice for himself. If you had a suspicion that he wanted to communicate but was being blocked, that would be different. It doesn't seem like that from what you wrote.

I don't think there was ever a one-shot deal at "fixing him". The time hasn't passed. But it is moving to being his choice. Whatever his reasons, it's not likely to be attention. And I wonder if it's the opposite. Wanting to "disappear" could be in line with mutism and also avoiding food. And giving him positive attention is not "reinforcing bad behaviour" in my view. Have you had family therapy? Perhaps there's an interaction pattern causing problems? Was there a trigger when he was younger, any traumatic event within a year of him stopping speaking?

Good luck with this! Keep posting, if it's helpful. I would like to know how things go, I hope they improve.

Hiya! Thank you so much for the reply, we decided that we would indeed go on a little holiday with him over Easter. Sadly it sort of back-fired in a sense, as my son refused to really spend much time with us, but maybe that's just part of him being a teenager, eager to have his space and all that. We tried to encourage some on paper games, simple ones like X's and O's, and Hangman. He'd play X and O's just fine, he was good at Hangman too, but he seemed very reluctant to write things down. In the end I think he probably got suspicious and went to bed. There was a bit of a hiccup the other day when my son decided he'd skip lunch, but my husband snapped at him, and tried to force him to sit down at the table. The two of them have a bit of a wavering relationship right now, but they are atleast on nodding terms atleast.

I did consider if something had happened around the time he went silent, I've thought about it for a long time, but I simply can't think of anything, unless it was something he hasn't told us about, which looks to be unlikely these days. I asked Teachers, since he came home from school that way, but they assured he'd been fine all day. His truanting has gotten better though. The girl I mentioned (That he might have a little thing for ) has started walking him to school, and I must say, I've never seen him so eager to leave the house before.

You know, I was even considering on letting him use this account to speak to others the same as himself. It might help him come out his shell, I thought.

hi. i am a 16 year old with selective mutism. Your son is so lucky to have you as his mother, as alot of parents/ teachers don't understand, or they get frustrated, because I imagine it is very frustrating dealing with this stuff. It's definately frustrating for us! Anyway, maybe he skipped lunch, because he didn't feel comfortable at the time. I don't eat with my family, or at restaurants, because i feel like everyone's watching me eat, and it makes me uncomfortable. Alot of kids don't have a known reason, they just go mute, because they're anxious, or maybe a child asked him why he was so quiet, so that made him mute. I think it would be a very good idea for him to use this account, if he feels comfortable with it. I just joined today, and I feel like i'm on cloud 9, because i'm talking about my feelings for the first time, even if it is over the internet.

Ah.. My Mother made an account for me here. So. Here I am. Boo.

Hey Blanc. It's nice to have you joining the forum. I apologise for the irony. But this is quite a quiet part of the site. That might suit you, to browse around in other threads, and perhaps comment if you felt comfortable. Some conversations just need that little spark to fan back into life. If you would rather talk about anything EXCEPT SM, then you're welcome all over the rest of the forum too. The off-topic/ forums have random stuff going on all the time.