Causing Others' Misfortune

This is something that's been happening to me, or around me, for about a year or so now. I fluctuate between periods of stability and instability, and it's always when I'm unstable that people I'm talking with, or their friends, 'seem' to have bad things occur to them. Such as an illness or an argument or nightmares.
I reason that because they happen when I am unstable/paranoid/anxious/'out of sync', therefore that is when these delusions of causing unfortunate occurences happen. I mean, people get ill and argue all the time. I obviously am not the cause of every illness in the world, and secondly, every illness in the world isn't merely caused by an acquaintance of the sufferer having 'bad' thoughts or being 'evil'.
But it's not always so easy to dismiss from my mind that somehow I'm to blame for times when bad things happen to friends of mine. I've even considered backing away from them for a while. Am I just worried about guilt?
Somehow I know that it's a delusion, and things cause themselves, etc, but the thought keeps arising in me that somehow, through 'bad' thoughts or being 'evil' etc, that I cause this. The thought of being evil and causing harm to others bothers me.
Does this occur to anyone else?

You're not to blame at all, I can assure you. However, I do know this paranoid feeling that you're having because i feel it in a different way. I am paranoid by the fact that I feel people are out to get me and are talking about me behind my back. However, your paranoia makes you feel as if it is YOU who is doing the bad stuff... In a certain sense, it actually shows that your self esteem is a bit low - Does it feel that way to you? I mean, do you think very low of yourself?; as if you don't have much worth to people?

Kevin

I guess my self esteem is kinda low, doesn't bother me so much, but these delusions are strange. I never associated them with low self-esteem, but it makes sense. Like I said they've only been happening for a little less than a year, whereas I've had little self-esteem since being a teenager.
I used to get the paranoid 'people are watching me' kinda delusion too.

Ideas of reference comes to mind too, I think it could be a form of this.

Hi again,

What do you mean by ideas of reference?

An idea of reference is thinking that things and events unrelated to you are related in some ways. Thinking for example that people on TV are talking about you, that a car crash in your neighborhood somehow has something to do with you, or maybe even that you caused it in some unrelated way, such as by putting the picture of a car in the trash the day before.

Yes, I've been similar but it's been my whole life.
Though, it's not when I'm away from people-- only if I'm right there with them. Like if I was in the passenger seat of a car and just looking straight ahead without talking and the driver was hit by another car--- I know I would be responsible for it.(I think it's the "bad vibe" that follows me!) Or if I'm walking with a co-worker and they trip on the carpet-- I'm sure I must have made that happen somehow. Or if a child is fighting with a sibling at a store and one of them hits the other and gets really hurt and cries-- I'm sure it was because I was nearby, with my "bad vibe".
I isolate myself most of the time...... then others will be safer(that's what my mind tells me).

mariposa

I used to think I was a jinx for other people. I was afraid to try things because I would mess things up for others. Now I think I'm jinx for myself.

I pretty much isolate myself too most of the time - the things I'm talking about refer to the few friends I know via online messenger.
But yes, I know of what mariposa means when you're walking around in some public place and even a minor accident such as someone dropping something happens or similar, or someone gets in a temper. Then I sometimes think it has something to do with me being in the vicinity.

iamarock wrote:
when you're walking around in some public place and even a minor accident such as someone dropping something happens or similar, or someone gets in a temper. Then I sometimes think it has something to do with me being in the vicinity.

Yes, that's it, that is what I was saying.... sorry you struggle with it as well.....

it can be hard to know just what I am responsible for.....*sigh*...... seems "the essence that follows me" can be responsible for so much.

mariposa