Just curious

Hello. I was just wanted to know if you so called "weirdos" share the same types of symptoms that I do. Society has a thing for labels, especially when you don't follow it's hypocritical social criteria. It's just full of hypocrisy and contradictions. What is weird today is normal tomorrow. All you need is to be part of the majority. I have been recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder and I have been noticing a lot of eccentricities in my behavior and thought process. I was once convinced that I was also schizoid but I now believe that I'm not. It's all part of the plan. Okay enough. Here are the so called symptoms:.......... I seem to feel like people are trying to harm me for some reason. Every time I walk the streets I feel like I'm being watched all the time. I think that there are cameras and microphones in my apartment. When I walk near a window I think that there is somebody out there with binoculars watching me. Every time a car passes by I think that they are staring at me. Every time I hear people laugh or socialize I think it is about me. I think that certain people in my family are trying to harm me and put me in a mental institution. I get extremely uncomfortable when I am around people. It doesn't matter if I know them or not. The anxiety never goes away. I feel like I can sense these sort of things. I wear black all the time because I think it protects me from those who conspire against me or the dark forces of life. It's like wearing armor. I seem to think that I am some kind of genius for some reason. Sometimes I even have debates and conversations with myself. I prefer to be alone. I do not enjoy having friends. I also have an obsession with the occult and other eccentric things. It's all part of the plan. Everything is connected. There is a reason for everything. I don't enjoy eating out or touching things in public. I think that food or public places are contaminated with body fluids or some kind of deadly disease. People carry all sorts of nasty microorganisms. I seem to think that I am also contaminated with some nasty bug. I wear gloves when I take the bus or subway. The anxiety is horrendous. I also wear sunglasses even though it is dark outside because I feel that if people look into my eyes they can read my mind. I don't hear voices nor to I see things that aren't there. I know that my behavior and thought process is quite bizarre but that doesn't mean that I don't feel it. I am not crazy. I must indulge in this behavior. It is my destiny even though you aren't supposed to know your destiny. The funny thing is that it doesn't matter what mood I am in. I always feel this way.

Lone, you've mentioned so much here that you're bound to feel overwhelmed or even lost by it all. However, don't accept any of it (I kind of get the feeling that you have a defeatist attitude from your post). Focus on each problem and then think about how you can make it better. For example, you think that people are staring at you all of the time: Are they really staring at you? Would it not be more true to say that it is actually you who is dong the staring?

Think logically about your problems in this way and I strongly believe that you will see how illogical they are.

Kevin

That's easy for you to say Chucky. It's not a switch that you can just turn on and off whenever you feel like it. I am so tired of people telling me to just "ignore it" and be rational. I tell myself what you have suggested in your comment all the time and it makes things even worse. It's deeply embedded in my personality. I have been eccentric from a very early age. All people do is conspire against you and they always try to control you and tell you what to do all the time. If you are not like them they want to harm you all the time. I wouldn't be surprised if I get kicked out of this forum or if other people in this forum are saying horrible things about me behind my back. If I don't go along with the fantasies and behaviors the anxiety becomes overbearing. It's not pretty. Defeatist attitude???? No my friend it's just reality. I don't lie to myself nor do I hide what I am from others. Most of the time I'm too honest for my own good even though I trust no one. It's the impulsive side of me. I didn't choose to be brought into this world nor did I choose my mind or my personality. I am a disturbed individual and I'm going to have to live with it. It's all part of the plan. Everything is connected. There is a reason for it. I accept things for what they are. I don't stare at or bother anybody. I also don't crave attention. I'm curious about what symptoms other people experience and how they deal with their disorders. All I wanted to know is if anybody experiences the same things I do. I didn't come here looking for pity. I hate that crap. Well anyway believe it or not I respect your opinion and I'm glad that you responded.

Hi,

I am going to tread carefully here because I don't want to upset your or anything. That probably sounds weak to you, but I'm an Admin here and helping people is my role/job. Actually, maybe criticising you would actually be the best approach to you. I will keep that thought for another day. You seem apathetic about life, you know that? I mean, you don't seem to give much of a damn about things. THis is sometimes good though. You remind me of a guy in my class at college who takes this attitude to life.

THe symptoms I've had were suspecting everyone is staring at me, suspecting that people are plotting against me, intense hatred for people (but supperssing it), social 'awkwardness', ..., and all that other crap.

Kevin

Upset me? Hahaha it wouldn't make a difference bro. I am always upset about something. Weakness? No my man we are all weak. It is a human trait to be weak. A single ant is stronger than the whole of humanity in my opinion. You don't see them discriminating or killing each other over stupid things like religion, race, politics, social status, ect........ like we do. Don't worry about hurting my little feelings. The more criticism I receive the more detached I get from people and their feelings. It's working beautifully. Everyday I wake up the less I feel. The paranoia, impulsiveness, and fear is starting to disappear. My ultimate goal is to become a schizoid/sociopath. These people just don't give a damn about anything. They are detached from humanity which is a gift that I crave. They live in their own world and live life by their own rules. I do not desire to prey on others like most sociopaths do though because it is counterproductive. Like you I have this hatred for people. I have no respect for humanity. Saying this there are those who I do like. I do not like to label everybody the same.

You're an interesting guy. What else (other than ants) are you interested in? Actually, on the issue of ants, did you hear about the butterfly that tricks the ants into raising it's larvae? take a look at this short article:

http://dsc.discovery.com/news/2009/02/0 ... flies.html

I found it funny and extraordinary at the same time.

I feel the same things sometimes. I meet almost every criteria for Schizotypal and Borderline PD, and I force my way through being around people. What else can you do? The other options are pretty bleak. Obviously we can't ignore s*** like this, but that doesn't mean we have to give in to it. Whether it's luck or a strong grounding in reality, I'm one of the stypals who realizes how irrational what I'm thinking is.

What you have to do is go on the offensive and dominate this thing. When you're walking down the street, only two things should be on your mind: Getting to your destination safely, and continuously thinking "I'm making this up, I'm making this up." That doesn't sound like an awesome way to live a life but I think that if I keep saying that to myself it will slowly go away. Or maybe it will be there forever. Either way letting these thoughts turn from my idea into my reality isn't the right thing to do, and by trying to stay out in front of stypal, at least I'll always know that I'm not psychotic.