Schizotypal Disorder

I don't want to ramble on about my life, but here goes,

I am a 18 yr old with schizotypal disorder. I was diagnosed about one year ago and had to be admitted to hospital and had to stay there of my own free will or be sectioned.

Prior to this I did a lot of illegal activity on this internet revolving drugs, and had got myself addicted to powerful benzos (Temazapam, Ativan, Xanax) all being taken in large doses (as well as this, Ketamine and copious amounts of cannabis) one of the reason perhaps why i took benzos was due to my being unable to sleep (my mind keeping me up (especially before i took medication) superanlyzing things) and also due to my anxiety around people.

Although we do not know the extent of the damage caused due to the drugs, i at least, developed psychosis (which went away) and perhaps it may have worsened the schizotypal disorder (which can lead to full blown schizophrenia).

After admitting something was wrong with me and taking medication (Ziprasidone[Zeldox]) and using Phenobarbitol to wean me off of benzos, I was released after 3 months inside.

[After going back to school most of my acquintecies had left, except really for one]

I go to school and have developed a close freindship with another guy my age. A true character, intelligent and understanding, amongst my other things. The people who I know are true sickheads to the scene of DB. (I try and use these fellow's language to some extent)

One of things I long to do is go to raves with these people, but I feel almost incapacitated when it comes to that kind of activity. I somehow doubt I will be able to.

I feel as though i am lucky my mental condition has not progressed to full blown schizophrenia, although this condition is still bad in itself. As taken from a website:

"People with schizotypal personality disorder often have trouble engaging with others and appear emotionally distant. They find their social isolation *painful*,"

This is the worst part about this disorder, I am almost unwilling to have anything to do with society, all i tend to do is play poker (making $8500) at home and go to school. I seem to almost see money as the only thing to do with my life.

The only time when I actually seem to communicate freely with people without these mental barriers is when I do cocaine (not addicted to in any way at this point or doing on a regular basis), which is the worst thing to do with my mental condition as it directly affects the dopamine receptors which are likely the underlying cause of this illness.

There seems to be two sides to me, the lazy, unwilling to have anything to do with society side of me, which i dispise - and the other side of me which want me to be everything, and has come to see the things which other people take for granted the very meaning of existance to life (e.g. going out to the pub, having a family, relationships)

To finish this off, I count myself lucky - if it were not for a talented docter (and i have seen many) this condition would not have been recognised and I would be schizophrenic now. There are few people around with this mental condition that havnt developed into schizophrenia.

Hello.

You are not alone, and I am glad you made this far too. For me the jury is still out on SPD leads to schizophrenia sometimes.

If you are content with your life, school, poker(wish I could do that)
and store. Sounds comfortable, but dont let the other side of you, make you feel beat up on yourself for living your live the way you chose. Remember your belief, and be satisfied.

Of course this reality is so great that you can change your belief at anytime, if you so choose too.

red

Pretty pointless life just making money, i dont think i can have a remotely happy existence just playing poker, and school is not going so great.

Mainly due to my bad sleeping habits and my thoughts keeping me up, and my doc unable to prescribe any remotely useful sleep aid cos of addiction concerns.

I take Nytol to get sleep due to its half life being shorter than phenergen.

I want a girl, or to be able to experience a rave, and be at ease around people...

hi...i think i have the same problem but i'm not sure..i live in romania and the drs here are not interested at all in treating anybody....well the ones i met anyway..maybe not all...
but i need to know something...
have you ever felt extremely acute anxiety...and started trembling and convulsing and felt like there was nothing u can do about it and that something else...worse..that u could not explain would soon happen to you....because i feel that..i am feeling that right now...it's something like i can't fit into my body..i have to do something..move or something...well anyway i won't explain anymore because i don't know how but please tell me if you have ever felt something like that.

thnx
raluca

A feeling of emptiness, of pointlessness frames my SPD. I am obsessed with the idea that people are out there living a life that would cure the ache in my gut. The barriers are mental and thrown up by me, but by experience too. Every social faux pa is logged and Memorexed ready to be shown to put me off society.

I tend to seek out social events that are liminal. Not really interacting, but being on the side lines. More about ambience.

Sounds like you keep your friends in that state.

It is horrible being this way. It feels like I have a god sized eye that destroys all it looks on. Renders it as a paper thin.