Schizocurious?

I usually get along best with people who fit the bill for either schizotypal or mildly HFA. I've had people call me everything from ADHD to pedantic. When I was ten, my parents had a psychiatrist look me over, and I was diagnosed with Tourette's, but the throat-clearing the idiots diagnosed as a tic behavior is a histamine disorder that has caused me two bouts of pneumonia and an unending succession of colds. Insert six miserable years on SSRIs, starting with Paxil, which made me so psychotic that the Jr. High had me pigeon-holed in classes designed for violent sociopaths for the remainder of my stay there, and ending with Clonidine, on which I nearly died of a heat stroke and gained so much weight that I've grown two feet since without losing a single ounce. Facing threats of being disowned, I flushed the meds, and I was so happy to have that swill out of my system that I spent the next two years in as much darkness or low light as I could just for the pleasure of wallowing in a beautiful heaven of untainted melatonin while living on a daily gallon of milk and corn flakes. I later renounced all religion, found Christ, and again discarded all religion after taking an interest in history and discovering some things that would have shocked Orwell; the first and last of these would have gotten me thrown out of the house if I weren't remarkably adept at, ironically, delivering fiery sermons. When speaking consciously, I'm told that I sound like a professional anchorman, which is very peculiar because I'm barely comprehensible in day-to-day speech.

Sound typical? I'm not sure what's typical or not in regard to these things, so it's not a rhetorical question. I'm not sure if I care to trust a psychiatrist again until the practice of treating psychiatric conditions is better understood. I'm not against psychiatry, but our progress in this area is stunted because the Christians took so long to accept the idea that brain chemistry can affect personality. I really hate Christians. They're so arrogant, it makes me want to spit. It's like you can't get anyone in this country to respect you unless you practice some religious doublethink or other. I know it sounds like an ugly thing to say, but the media keeps taking potshots at anyone who doesn't bellyfeel some religious belief or other. We're like the only group left that it's okay to relentlessly vilify for no reason at all. What's with that? Anyway, I'm currently at a bit of a loss as to what "disorder" I have, exactly. Is it possible that I'm just a phenotype that hasn't been pigeon-holed yet? The thing is, I doubt I'd have been diagnosed with anything at all if I didn't become so doubleplusunupsubful when confronted with something that I know is stupid. That's the thing: when something that I know in my heart is ridiculous is being pressed upon me, I go ballistic, and words of divine wrath just don't sound right coming from a kid. You know, I really need to hire a few people to follow me around with a smoke machine, just in case I say something shakespearean.

Anyway, after a brief period of being almost dead certain of Asperger's, I discovered a little more about the disorder and realized that I simply didn't fit the bill. This time, I'm not going to simply hop on the schizotypy wagon. I'm going to explore it, sense it, feel it, grok it. What would be the simplest way of putting this? Quite simply, I don't think that I necessarily have schizotypal personality disorder. I may genetically bear a resemblance to someone who does, but none of the problems with my behavior are severe enough to take before a psychiatrist. I'm convinced that stupid, small-minded people were responsible for the conditions which led to me being treated like a mental patient, and I deeply hate them for the damage they caused to my life, my mind, and my heart.

I guess this makes me, in a word, "schizocurious."

Perhaps it wasn't tactful of me to go off on a tirade against Christianity. I have strong feelings on the subject, but I shouldn't promote stereotyped, narrow-minded thinking. Sorry.

One thing that came to mind this morning was that, in a quiet room, I will often start hearing voices in soft, distant, repetitive noises, and sometimes I'll go looking for the source of them only to find, for example, that I left the fan in the bathroom running again. I turn the thing off, and the voices stop. I turn it back on, and they start again. I swear I'll hear an entire radio broadcast, or several related songs will play sequentially. Sometimes, I'll be laying in my room and listen in on a sitcom or soap opera when nothing is really playing. Sorry, but I've considered this normal for so long that I forgot to mention it. I also happen to find it rather pleasant. Is that normal? I've rarely had dramatic visual hallucinations, though; they've nearly all been internal, easily distinguishable from reality. Once in a blue moon, I'll walk into a strangely lit room and see somebody sitting in a chair at its center, but I never really took it seriously. Again, I've tended to shrug these things off as normal, which is why I didn't think to put them in initially. I'm generally extremely rational and level-headed, although a bit random. Well, really random, actually, sometimes to the point of being disturbing to some people.

It's not that I'm unfriendly, though! I don't campaign to make friends because I detest social politicking, but I'm open and kind-hearted to people. When I make promises, I hold to them, and I come through when I'm expected to participate in something. I just get frustrated with trying to handle more than one person at a time. With one person, it's easier to weave the other's thought patterns into my own like a quilt. Add one more, and I end up losing track of the direction it's headed in and...panicking, I guess. I'm fine with listening to others talk with each other from the side-lines, though.

And I drink way too much coffee.

Griff wrote: And I drink way too much coffee.

..now..to the point! , lol, nah *waves*

*chuckles* Yeah, I do tend to meander in my speech. When I have a structure in which to put my ideas and apply it, I can create some virtuosic writing. When I'm speaking on an informal basis, though, sentences appear seemingly at random. It's all good, though. I find someone like me, and we get along great. One of these days, we'll declare a revolution. We'll take over the world or something. It's not like anyone would notice the difference, though. The govenment being taken over by a rival group of schizophrenics would be met with a collective shrug. Anyway, *waves back and grins*

I have all those symptoms short of strong hallucinations. I sometimes think I heard something when it was nothing, or I think my mom is calling for me when it's just the music. I feel that I'm more Schizoid than anything though.