Mom Diagnosed at 74 Years Old

My mom was recently diagnosed STPD after I found her in a psychotic state and took her to the hospital. My whole life—I’m 47—I’ve always known that something was wrong but didn’t have a way to explain or understand it. Knowing her diagnosis has made everything clear to me, although it’s been very painful to look back on my life with this new information and see the truth about how I was raised and what I went through. It has been really helpful to read everyone’s posts here and gain a better understanding of what it’s like to live with this disorder. I have come to understand that it’s common for people with STPD to mask their disorder and avoid diagnosis and treatment. This causes so much pain and confusion for loved ones who wonder why their family member behaves the way they do and why they can’t have a normal relationship with them no matter how hard they try. It’s especially hard for children of STPD parents. If anyone reading this is considering seeking a diagnosis and treatment, I encourage and applaud your bravery. As the daughter and only child of an STPD mother, I can tell you that all I’ve ever wanted was for her to see the impact of her behavior on my life and to express some feeling for the pain I’ve suffered. Real mental health happens when you consider the feelings and experiences of the people who love you. Have the courage to take in another perspective—not the version your own mind generates, but the version of the person who loves you and wants to be in your life. God bless you all.

see the truth about how I was raised and what I went through

refrigerator mother theory was debunked long ago

Well, congratulations i guess. It is cathartic to have the right knowledge.

It is too bad it went that far for your mother; and you and your other family went a long time in life without answers.

And, I was thinking it might be good idea if you posted a blog about your experience living under it, that is if you feel it will be of an overall benefit, and also showing no disrespect for your mother.

Non STPD here chiming in.

My brother in-law's late mother was StPD, and he always complained about her lack of interest in his kids, as far as never calling and talking to them, and never gave them presents at any events, etc. No help when they needed rides in a pinch.....She would only ask about them.

He always said she was "nuts" by way of her thinking and proclaiming that she was related to the pharaohs, in that she was an Egyptian princess in a former life, but now reincarnated in her present self, and that upon her death she would be reunited with the Egyptians.

She also proclaimed that while cleaning the toilet once, she saw the tidy bowl man in the tank. If you remember the commercial, there was a guy in a boat rowing around in the tank. It was a tank cleaner that you dropped into the tank.... old TV commercial circa '60-'70s.

She was never diagnosed with anything, and he just chalked it all up to being raised in a dysfunctional family. I bet he does not think of it as severe disorder where there were no choices on his mother's part.

EasyasPi wrote:My brother in-law's late mother was StPD, and he always complained about her lack of interest in his kids, as far as never calling and talking to them, and never gave them presents at any events, etc. No help when they needed rides in a pinch.....She would only ask about them.

My mom likes to give gifts but it's usually the same thing, like a tradition. She doesn't call to talk to my kids either, but lives nearby and comes over for dinner here and there. She absolutely never asks them anything about themselves or listens to their stories. I remember once, when I was 18 and completing my first semester of college, I discussed something I was learning in one of my classes with her and she said something like, "Now you're finally interesting to talk to." I guess I hadn't been interesting before then, being just a child.

EasyasPi wrote:He always said she was "nuts" by way of her thinking and proclaiming that she was related to the pharaohs, in that she was an Egyptian princess in a former life, but now reincarnated in her present self, and that upon her death she would be reunited with the Egyptians.

This is a familiar one for me. My mom think she was Queen Nefertiti in a past life. It's a big theme.

EasyasPi wrote:She also proclaimed that while cleaning the toilet once, she saw the tidy bowl man in the tank. If you remember the commercial, there was a guy in a boat rowing around in the tank. It was a tank cleaner that you dropped into the tank.... old TV commercial circa '60-'70s.

LOL I remember the Tidy Bowl Man! What a trippy little guy he was. That's kind of awesome actually.

EasyasPi wrote:She was never diagnosed with anything, and he just chalked it all up to being raised in a dysfunctional family. I bet he does not think of it as severe disorder where there were no choices on his mother's part.

I guess before I found her in a psychotic state and took her to the hospital, I didn't fully realize that she doesn't have a choice about the magical thinking/far-out beliefs, or about any of her traits really. I've been trying to get my head around it all this time--it's been really confusing. I just couldn't understand. I'm really grateful to have a way to understand her now.

-- Mon Jan 01, 2018 10:19 am --

malou wrote:

see the truth about how I was raised and what I went through

refrigerator mother theory was debunked long ago

Since no one in my family is autistic, I'm not sure what this has to do with me or anything I've related about my own experience.

-- Mon Jan 01, 2018 10:24 am --

EasyasPi wrote:Well, congratulations i guess. It is cathartic to have the right knowledge.

It is too bad it went that far for your mother; and you and your other family went a long time in life without answers.

And, I was thinking it might be good idea if you posted a blog about your experience living under it, that is if you feel it will be of an overall benefit, and also showing no disrespect for your mother.

Non STPD here chiming in.

Thank you for that. I've been thinking about doing a blog at some point. I have a lot to sort out before I dive into a project like that, but I do think it would be helpful for me and maybe helpful for other people too. I have noticed that there isn't a lot out there about living with STPD or living with a person who has it. It seems to be, by its nature, very much under the radar and misunderstood/not understood at all.

Since no one in my family is autistic, I'm not sure what this has to do with me or anything I've related about my own experience.

The terms refrigerator mother and refrigerator parents were coined around 1950 as a label for mothers and parents of children diagnosed with autism or schizophrenia.

Schizotypal is a mild psychosis not a personality disorder. Icd 10 already included it with schizophrenia and not with other personality disorder and dsm v gone this way too.

What happens is that because of anhedonia, paranoia, impulsivity and cognitive disorganization, subjects find it difficult to relate to other people and shut in, and that becomes somehow a "personality disorder".

Think of schizotypals as Cap Spock. It is not that Spock have no feelings, but rather the opposite.

It is not that schizotypals dont care, but rather care too much abou irrelevant things. That makes schizotypals having a hard time caring towards what is relevant.

Furthermore, being a little recluse makes them have more space to deal with things. Being too close would trigger all sort of feelings.

Schizotypal is a mild psychosis not a personality disorder.

I have "psychosis" all the time then. Its permanence suggests it being a personality disorder imo.

Dysthimia and Cyclothymia are also permanent and nevertheless not considered personality disorder.

Although, at a remote past there were personality disorders based on these two conditions too.

Nevertheless this is not related to the OP.