Im at the point where

where im ready to give up.

im not suicidal.
but life doesnt have much to offer me.

whats the next step to me?
idk. well i do know. but im not gonna say just yet.

im sick of being called delusional

is that so wrong?

Yeah.. I'm gettin a bit this way myself. Not saying to completly ignore the problems you face but I think it is wise to be appreciative of the things that come across in life like I remember you once talking about insects and thought it was nice. That cat in my photo got put down because it was too old and suffering but then a cat from two houses down moved in on the couches etc outside. I don't know where they were comming from but I used to get rats crawling through my walls all hours of the night waking me up and no amount of rat traps would get rid of them like someone nearby was breeding them on purpose or something. This new cat will catch the rats it's great apart from feeling like a thief at least I get a better nights sleep. Yeah... sometimes it's the little things that make a difference in life or making a few freinds etc that will stick by you for years.

But yeah I understand that how you don't want to be treated like a criminal or terrorist for something you cannot help. It is wrong to be treated like that because of a mental illness.

yea i dont want to treated like a criminal or anything.

i frgt about what i talked about on here. its been awhile.

but i feel i am appreciative in my life.
my life just has no substance.

ive been the hospital 3 times or so this year already.
so many i dont even remember!

its like "what am i doing wrong?"
but at the same time i dont feel like i am doing anything wrong.

Well that makes a lot of sense. I'm a bit lost at the moment so I will leave it for hopefully someone else to give their 5 cents.

Hi AnxxietyAttacks,

Good to see you posting. I’m sorry you are feeling down. It obviously doesn’t feel good when no one believes what you are saying and they call you delusional. It must be a pretty lonely too.

You say life doesn’t have much to offer you. If life doesn’t ‘offer’ a lot, perhaps you have to actively search for something to make it worthwhile. I don’t know your situation at all, but if you want change in your life, you will likely have to be the one to initiate it. Is there anything you can pinpoint that is changeable in your life even if it’s just your attitude? To paraphrase the serenity prayer, accept the things you cannot change, change the things you can and hopefully you are wise enough to know the difference.

I think we all have to find things that give meaning to our life. Supporting a cause, helping someone out, taking care of an animal are the type things that can make you feel connection to society, to another person, or another living being respectively. I think positive, loving connections with others are a big part of happiness for me and probably for other people too. I noticed you said you are a “professional loner” and think groups of people are after you so probably some of my standard suggestions are not applicable in your case, but if you are in a position to perhaps take care of a pet or further develop online relationships perhaps some connections and interactions with others might help you feel better, similarly to what Rattatat was saying about making friends.

I don’t know if that would work for you, but I wanted to say something because I ‘know’ you a bit from around here and don’t like that you are feeling this way. I hope things improve.

Take care.

thank you for your post.

i have a pet.
i just feel no motivation to do anything and get burnt out on doing things within seconds.
idk why.

yea..and ive got lots of paranoia
lately i just get so burnt out on every single thing i do.
the only thing that fuels me doing anything is my paranioa.
it sounds weird at the moment maybe. i know. but
the only thing keeping me going is my paranoia.
because im so determined to figure out who is following me.
ive been doing all..sorts of stuff ...to figure out who it IS
for 2 straight years now. i rarely get burned out on that.
im living the life as a spy..as a martyr..as a targeted individual.
its hard to get burned out on that when something new happens every day.

Hey Anxiety Attacks,

It's interesting that you say that the only thing you're motivated about is discovering who's following you and doing things to you. It almost seems to imply that if you discovered who's behind it all you would lose all motivation to do anything. Do you think that's really the case?

Of course, that's really an open question because we don't know how motivated or unmotivated you're going to feel in the future. Maybe it's best just to be undecided for a while and try and do something that's going to make you feel better right now. Maybe you could talk to someone you haven't talked to in a while or do something that you used to enjoy.

Best wishes AA. Hope you feel better soon.

Infinite_Jester wrote:Hey Anxiety Attacks,

It's interesting that you say that the only thing you're motivated about is discovering who's following you and doing things to you. It almost seems to imply that if you discovered who's behind it all you would lose all motivation to do anything. Do you think that's really the case?

Of course, that's really an open question because we don't know how motivated or unmotivated you're going to feel in the future. Maybe it's best just to be undecided for a while and try and do something that's going to make you feel better right now. Maybe you could talk to someone you haven't talked to in a while or do something that you used to enjoy.

Best wishes AA. Hope you feel better soon.

i see what your saying.
but i dont think so.
finding out whos following me is only half the battle. its the biggest one. but still only half.
the next part would be trying to stop them.
idk whats going on.
i mean for 4 years now i knew this was happening but only the last 2 years i started doing something about it.
i believe my paranoia keeps me motivated maybe because it keeps me scared. idk.

AnxxietyAttacks wrote:
i see what your saying.
but i dont think so.
finding out whos following me is only half the battle. its the biggest one. but still only half.
the next part would be trying to stop them.
idk whats going on.
i mean for 4 years now i knew this was happening but only the last 2 years i started doing something about it.
i believe my paranoia keeps me motivated maybe because it keeps me scared. idk.

i had that same paranoia that people was following me... then one day i just realized, i'm wasting my time caring that they are... even now i still get delusional and believe people are spying on me, just this time i can choose to care less...

i guess for me it just struck me that it doesn't matter anymore that people are following me... i was wasting too much energy caring... because in the end i never had any "conventional" or "normal person" proof to satisfactorily prove that its true... or maybe it was just the meds... could be both...

maybe if you give yourself a chance to not care about these people... things will change

I think what Frokly said here makes sense. You can’t change what is happening around you but you can decide it doesn’t matter and change your reaction. Accept that you have these thoughts but not give them undue influence over your life. Then you can more easily concentrate on the things that might improve your life or ways to find meaning and happiness in it.