I'm not taking meds, Am i just going to keep getting worse?

Hi,

I got my schizo-affective diagnosis when i was very young, my mother also has schizophrenia, and even when i was a toddler i started showing signs of delusional behaviour. Throughout my late childhood/teenage years i managed to deal with it though, I never went to therapy, nor did i take meds, but i managed to distinguish a line between reality, and non-reality.

Unfortunately in the last few years this line has been fading, and i have become increasingly delusional. I've done some pretty crazy things, and people have (for the first time) started noticing my illness. 3 years ago i was in almost full control of this disorder, i had a few episodes, but for the most i'm fine. And now the line is almost invisible, and the hallucinations, paranoia, delusions have all worsened dramatically... That's in the space of only 3 years..

Am i just going to get worse and worse, until the point where I'm not even going to realize I'm ill? I'm not really bothered personally, I don't have much to live for, but i like to know what my future entails. I'd rather die than go back to a psych hospital, that's for sure.

I have been told psychosis is something that tends to get progressively worse.

I am where you are right now. I've always seen the line (for the most part) between reality and non-reality. I've battled with this longer than I've admitted to any psychiatrist... or anyone period. Lately my line is blurring as well, which is causing me to start acting on strange thoughts and is effecting my day to day life some days.

I was put back on Zyprexa today, as much as I feel it will turn me into an unaware drone like the rest of the blind sheep who have NO clue what's really going on. It may not, so it's worth a try. I've written down everything I know, in case the drug makes me forget. I made a note to myself to stop taking it if it made me forget any of the stuff I've written... and that it means they're poisoning me.

My Shrink today isn't sure because of my AsPD and my history... if I'm lying about the psychotic symptoms or not LOL but put me on the drug as a trial to see if it helps and if it does, I'm not lying apparently

Se7en7 wrote:Am i just going to get worse and worse, until the point where I'm not even going to realize I'm ill?

Quite possibly in my opinion. I'm just starting to enter into phases where I don't realize I'm influenced by delusional thinking and paranoia... though... I didn't realize years ago either lol but it was different and more mild.

Se7en7 wrote: I'd rather die than go back to a psych hospital, that's for sure.

I hear you on that one!

I also have plans. I don't want to live in a total mentally incapacitated state. If I ever see myself heading that way with no help, I have plans to carry out.

If I were you, I'd write down everything you know, make yourself notes and then try the meds. The lowest dose possible where you can still see the line... but you're still your aware self.

I'm sorry but i doubt there's any chance of me going to a psychiatrist, getting meds. I know what they are doing with anti-depressants, making people more sheep-y, and increasing risks like cancer. Now half the world is on them. No-one truly needs meds, it's all marketing scams, just like selling iphones.

They act as a placebo, while at the same time, kill you.

So if you're getting worse and you cross that line into unreality, what will you do? Live in it and enjoy it?

I took my med tonight, now I want it out of my blood, I can feel it killing me! Can't win.

Tempest80 wrote:So if you're getting worse and you cross that line into unreality, what will you do? Live in it and enjoy it?

I took my med tonight, now I want it out of my blood, I can feel it killing me! Can't win.

Please don't let me dissuade you taking meds, I'm sure the placebo works for some people.

And if i get much worse, I probably won't be able to make these sort of decisions, so yeah i'll live with it. And no doubt end up in hospital, prison or dead.

this is how i feel about meds.

ill give you my personal experience...

i was taking some when i was diagnosed with schizoaffective around when i was 17. or so. it was an again Dx. wasnt new. it was mild though. i got off them for health reasons in 2010. so for two years exactly since feb 2012. i did get worse BUT idk if it was because of time or if the meds rehashed my brain circuitry. it did A LOT of stuff to me which is why i got off it in the first place. im talking true literal cold turkey got off. it got so bad sometimes A LOT of times i mean the paranoia/voices/focus that i had no clue but i thought i did because i knew the signs but i didnt apparently.

i dont take meds now. and im in and out. mostly out. BUT i also got 5150'd (a police code for when police pick up people with psychiatric problems) and landed in ER with psychosis in february this year though. then hospitalized in march. and almost hospitalized this month.

just saying my RECENT story.

take it easy. take it reallll easy.

interesting. lemme see if i got this straight.

Se7en7 wrote:I got my schizo-affective diagnosis when i was very young, my mother also has schizophrenia...

please refer to: http://www.psychforums.com/antisocial-personality/topic83106-3090.html#p774006

Se7en7 wrote:...Haha, made me laugh, Schizophrenia is fake

what worry is it you're hanging on to? the meds you've described as "placebo", how would these prevent you from "keep getting worse" from something that is fake? also would a placebo not only be harmful to diabetics unaware of the effect on their blood-sugar? if this is the case, how does a placebo kill, as you've claimed?

Se7en7 wrote:...increasing risks like cancer...

everybody has cancer already, what concern is this of yours? if these cancer cells are not activated, something else will surely happen with the organs and kill one's body off.

Really take a note from AnxietyAttacks. Learn to take things easy.

I'm not really taking meds right now myself, but by keeping moderately active and busy I can keep my illness in check. You just have to find that balance is all. Too much work will stress you out and cause an episode. On the flipside, too much idle time will cause your mind to wonder and you could get worse that way too.

And medication isn't that bad. All medicine is unnatural to the body really. But If you were to take a low dose and use other methods to help alleviate symptoms, then you can learn to manage your illness without being heavily sedated by its effects. Honestly, I wouldn't dare mix more than one type of medicine.

ocular_razor wrote:interesting. lemme see if i got this straight.

Se7en7 wrote:I got my schizo-affective diagnosis when i was very young, my mother also has schizophrenia...

please refer to: http://www.psychforums.com/antisocial-personality/topic83106-3090.html#p774006

Se7en7 wrote:...Haha, made me laugh, Schizophrenia is fake

what worry is it you're hanging on to? the meds you've described as "placebo", how would these prevent you from "keep getting worse" from something that is fake? also would a placebo not only be harmful to diabetics unaware of the effect on their blood-sugar? if this is the case, how does a placebo kill, as you've claimed?

Se7en7 wrote:...increasing risks like cancer...

everybody has cancer already, what concern is this of yours? if these cancer cells are not activated, something else will surely happen with the organs and kill one's body off.

My opinions and thoughts change a lot, sometimes i think i'm 100% sane, and others i realize that schizophrenia is a disorder.. and i have it. Depends how i wake up in the morning i guess.

A placebo doesn't have to be sugar pills. They have real minerals and chemicals in them, but what they are advertised to do, and what they do is completely different.

@ Xuridad/ AnxietyAttacks

Thanks for the replies. I try my best to keep out of trouble, I'm going to uni next year, and i've been applying for jobs. I'm a lot better when i'm with other people, i seem to be able to act normal-ish, it's only when i'm on my own when things get out of hand.

So im trying to involve myself with more people, hopefully i can find a group therapy for people with similar problems, i'll do that.

you need to see a psychologist but too many of them are worthless. its hard because the mental health system is often abusive and life debilitating. I went to hospital recently and they hit me with FOUR booty shots and now I have a heart palpitation. I wasn't violent at all in fact there was no reason for them to shoot me up. it was in the ghetto and the nurses and techs were all from africa. and guess what! they just got shut down! the whole hospital is now completely shut down for breaking the law. some of those places are like death traps. it's insane.