Well the main symptom of schizophrenia is detachment from reality and not being able to tell what is real from what is unreal. It makes it very hard to distinguish between what's really happening and what's not happening. I have had several experiences that one would consider to be unlikely and possible delusions of the illness. However, when there is an inherent persistent pattern to these events, one can't help but believe that these events don't just happen by chance. If you are familiar with what gang-stalking is you'll know that the stalkers target people who the community feel threatened by (like the mentally ill, pedophiles, offenders etc). I believe that anyone with a schizophrenia diagnosis can end up on a stalking or occupational safety list (which could explain why you can't get a job). This makes me question the confidentiality creed of psychiatry. I am not surprised that mentally ill people are the target of such vicious onslaught. Let's face it our communities have irrational fears of us due to stigmatism and stereotypes. Recently, really vicious people have been placing innocent people (who they feel threatened by) on these list as well. For me, where the lines of reality get blurred is that I have a feeling that people can somehow tell that I am ill and as a result get harassed by others. Another theory I have is that I pissed off the wrong person or they are threaten by me and their ultimate goal is to drive me insane by whatever means possible. You be the judge by my explanation of some of the events that have happened to me throughout the past few years.
I had just transferred to Pennsylvania for school (I was fine mentally before I went there, as soon as I went there things just started going downhill). I remember from the earliest onset of the illness (shortly before any symptoms showed) I started hearing my landlady, who lived above me at the time, shadow me around the house (i.e. If I went to the kitchen she would somehow follow me (from above) from where I was in the house to the kitchen etc. Being that I wasn't ill then, I first rationalized it as a coincidence. But when this started happening in a consistent manner, I realized that something more sinister was going on. I also remember that she gave me some soup one time, and stupidly drank it and the next morning I had an electronic swooshing in my ears and a feeling in my spinal cord as if something was lodged in my spine. When water would hits my back it transmitted through my ears and made an unusually amplified sound of the water droplets, it has been about four years since and I still have the electronic ringing in the ear and the spinal sensation. Also, shortly after I moved in she moved in some weird dude (in her level) that acted really strange towards me. I just thought the whole situation was so weird. I soon moved to another apartment where the people above me did the same thing, and it got worst at night where they would operate some sort of machine that sounded like a wheel-of-fortune wheel directly over my head at night (the only time it would stop would be when I’d cover my head). The funny thing is that I'd look to see if anyone was in the apartment (when coming home at night) but it was always pitch black inside, as if whatever was inside was operating in darkness. It was so traumatizing that I called law enforcement several times and they checked the outside of the apartment and said no one was up there. I would look out in the mornings to see when the people who lived there (all guys) left, when they were all gone the shadowing stopped. I would also listen at night through the wall of my bedroom to my roommate's room and it sounded like some sort of machine (like knocking of wood) was operating. I used to work the overnight shift at the student center, one night I decided to hide a tape recorder running because I suspected that people where coming into my room. Low and behold, when I came home and ran the tape I heard two male voices talking (I forgot what they were saying, but it sounded like they were installing something in my room). I lived with three other roommates at the time and I'd often ask them if they didn't notice the people above me shadowing me around the apartment and the turning wheel like noise over my room, their reactions were priceless. You should have seen their faces, at first they tried to act like they didn't know what I was talking about until it got to the point where it was so obvious that they had to acknowledge it. I wasn't even ill then, I just became more and more paranoid because all these things were happening and I couldn't understand why. I believe that the pure onslaught of these events pushed me into psychosis; I believe that this was the perpetrators will and primary goal. I honestly believe that they employed all sorts of devices in order to make me ill.
I ended up moving again, this time I was on the top floor. For a minute the paranoia left as I couldn't physically hear people following above me, but it wouldn't be too long that I realized that the people downstairs where doing the same thing as well, it just wasn’t as apparent. After a semester I decided that this was too much for me so I moved to another apartment where I would be living on my own (the worst thing I ever did). Please, if you are the victim of harassment please don’t isolate yourself, that’s what they want you to do. I was on the bottom floor this time, and some guys lived upstairs. At first I thought that they weren’t students but after a while I realized that weren’t going to classes, this was really weird to me. The shadowing above me began again and was linked to this guy that lived upstairs (I noticed after a while when he would leave out that the shadowing stop). I really visited home but when I did I realized that when I’d leave town he’d leave as well and not come back until later the day of my return (I know that he would leave because I would observed him returning with a backpack). I was having things moved around in my apartment, clothes going missing, etc. I decided one time that I would put up a camera in the apartment. I installed the camera, it was working fine, but then the batteries ran out (I believe like the next day), so I went to the store to get more batteries and when I came back the camera was broken. It so happen to be a time where my mom was there visiting me (she had gone with me to get batteries) and observed that the camera was broken when we got back home. Also when she visited me the shadowing and harassment stopped. I also observed that there was this really strange man that would visit the apartment every morning as if reporting to work, he carried a brief case and seemed to be on some mission. This stroked me as weird because there were four younger guys that lived upstairs and this strange man (strange looking at that too) was there every day. Later on I also noticed a truck (some lawn and gardening truck) that would park in the upstairs spot. I later realized that there was another older man, who didn’t live there but who came a nights. I was in such fear at this time that I could hardly sleep at nights or when pulling an all-nighter, or if I got up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom or get a drink of water, ‘they’ would shadow me around and never seemed to sleep. There was someone always awake up there (in the living room) at nights, always on duty. I would also often awaken with scrapes and bruises all over my body. I even had instances where I would somehow stumble upon the inside of my nostrils, (maybe by cleaning face or so forth) and realize that there would be, in each nostril, on each septum, two equally sized and heighted bruises, as if someone was pulling my nostrils septum upwards to look up into my head with some forceps of some kind (did you know that you could access the brain from the nose?). I also started covering the central air vent because I realized (after a while) that the heat from the vent was having a sedative effect on me, as if the perpetrators wanted me to fall asleep. Whenever I wanted to stay up to study, I would be forced to stay up in the cold. I had also taken the liberty to examine the suspected air vent and realized that the vent cover had been torn from the vent frame and even cracked the wall. Also some bright light like craft could be seen following me around. It was no star because it moved. It followed me everywhere, I remember going on vacation in Ill and that thing was right above the place I was staying. I also remember going to Jamaica for vacation and the bright light was right above the house that I was staying. It even caught the attention of my relatives as they couldn’t understand what it was. Around this time the pressure was so intense that I started developing OCD like intrusive thoughts and “delusions” of persecution (they weren’t really delusions to me because these things were really happing). These symptoms first appeared about two years after the first land-lady incident. This whole time I felt like I was a part of some type of sick research or that some sicko was after me. I was in constant fear. I didn’t become fully psychotic until my last week there before I moved back home. The people that lived next door me weren’t very nice and I suspected them as being a part of the whole onslaught. The night before I left there was a strong smell of kerosene oil coming from their apartment. I suspected them of being part of the occult and whatever they were doing was directed at me. The very next day I started thinking that why people where following around was because they could hear my thoughts and things just got vey cloudy from there on after. It was like they were saying ‘we have to get her before she leaves.’ I ended up leaving and moving back home. Mom and I had gotten a new apartment; we live on the top floor (two family houses). Not too long after my land lady’s son started shadowing me (whom I soon figured it out to be because when he left the house the shadowing stopped). If I went to the bathroom he went, in the day, the middle of the night etc. he would run the water downstairs to let me know that he’s there. Also there is something in the heating vent that makes this annoying sound (I understand that heating vents do make noise now and again) but this is no ordinary heating noise. It comes on only when he’s home, I know because if he’s there and it’s on and then he leaves out it stops. Like with the wheel spinning sound I experienced while in PA, I realize that it stops only if I covered my head as well. My room is the only room in the house that has this problem with the heat. It’s so unbearable sometimes that it wakes me up in the night. We have lived here for almost three years and this is still going on. He is in his fifties, lives with his mom & don’t work (or maybe I’m his work), he’s up all night or whenever I’m up. I have always suspected that the, landlady included, have been entering my apartment. Last week it got personal as my mom (who works away from home) came home and realized that someone had taken six of our sterling silver forks. Also last week my mom got frustrated and wanted to give up the phone because of people coming unto our phone line when on a call (you can literally hear someone pick up the line). Since I’ve lived here my symptoms have escalated into schizophrenia type symptoms. One would say that I have delusions of persecution (which indeed aren’t delusions), after experiencing these torturous events I no longer eat unopened food from the refrigerator (why would I? If they can do all of those things to me, why should I trust my food around them?), I was suspicious of people (who wouldn’t be after undergoing all of that?), the negative symptoms started here as well.
I remember that during my later days in PA, that my close friends had stopped talking to me, my faculty advisors for my organizations started distancing themselves from me (they were so close to me, then in the end something happened and they wouldn’t even return my e-mails), and a police man would come to my shift at the student center every day at work and just sit at the table. If you know about gang-stalking, not only do they inflict psychological torture on their victims they also try to distance you from any support group you have by organized slander campaigns, especially when they realize that their plan isn’t working.
Recently, I had gone to the ER because I wasn’t feeling well. I got registered and everything and realized that there was this nurse who was smooching over my file. They then took me into the room next door separated by a curtain, I heard her talking to the guy who registered me saying something of the sorts, “You would have never known based on how she presents herself that she was one of them.” This is because if you are placed on a list, everywhere you go you get flagged as someone to be aware of.
In 2010, I was given a great job opportunity as a Clinical Research Coordinator. I was well like by my manager, until about a month in he started acting really foul towards me, making a big deal about everything that I did and didn’t do, until they fired me. After that, I got a job as a Lab Tech for a major research manufacturer. When I first went everyone was nice then all of a sudden that changed (and I was nothing that I did wrong). See when you’re on a list your co-workers a notified that you are on a list, and then the drama begins.
One time I so happened to pass by and overheard a coworker telling another lady about a message that someone who was covering the safety manager left Dave (my supervisor). She said something like, “She called Dave and said Dave I’m leaving here’s my number but I do not that I expect anything to happen”. The coworker telling the story was basically outraged because the person had said she didn’t think anything was going to happen in here absence. Well, in the first case why does the safety manager have to contact my supervisor to give him a number in case anything happened in her absence, as if there was some potential threat of some sort in my lab (I was the only one working in the lab)? Well maybe because I placed on Occupational Safety Lists by Law as some potential risk.
Not only do I have witnesses of these events, my psyche though tested was not compromised at the time, so I was still able to distinguish between reality and delusions. Because of the stress my grades fell a little but I was still intellectually capable. I was stilled working and involved in campus organizations. I have no doubt that it was a victim of some covert hate crime. Whatever was happing was systematic and targeted to break me down mentally and drive me into an unstable mental state. This is the ultimate goal of perpetrators, they intend for you to rid yourself from society by either driving you to suicide or causing you to do something outrageous so they can institutionalize you.
I urge people who have been victims, to speak up and record everything that has happened to you. They can only win if you stay quite. Everything that is done in darkness must someday come to light. Perpetrators are narcissistic cold callus creatures who feel bad about themselves and thus try to destroy the lives of others, but truly they do get theirs because no sane person in their right mind could do what they do to others without themselves becoming psychotic themselves, it’s like the puppeteer gets puppeted.