Has anything good ever come from your schizophrenia?

maddogmaddy wrote:I don't know about everyone else here.....but I have schizoaffective, so I get highs and lows thanks to the bipolar end of things.

I have schizoaffective, too, but I have depressive subtype. I can go down low...way way way.....WAY LOW

I haven't ever talked to someone with the depressive subtype because most everyone (seems like) who has schizoaffective has the bipolar subtype.

Though this doesn't happen as often anymore, the mood. I'm mostly always content with lots of positive symptoms. They bumped me up to schizoaffective when I was 15 from depression w/ psychosis when I was 13. I am 21 now. I have a strong feeling some pro would ditch it for paranoid schizophrenia. They can shove it.

I have the depressive sub type as well. I get no highs and extreme lows

AnxxietyAttacks wrote:

maddogmaddy wrote:I don't know about everyone else here.....but I have schizoaffective, so I get highs and lows thanks to the bipolar end of things.

I have schizoaffective, too, but I have depressive subtype. I can go down low...way way way.....WAY LOW

I haven't ever talked to someone with the depressive subtype because most everyone (seems like) who has schizoaffective has the bipolar subtype.

Though this doesn't happen as often anymore, the mood. I'm mostly always content with lots of positive symptoms. They bumped me up to schizoaffective when I was 15 from depression w/ psychosis when I was 13. I am 21 now. I have a strong feeling some pro would ditch it for paranoid schizophrenia. They can shove it.

No fun =/ Actually, depression has become the more dominant mood with me in the last several months. I'm stable thanks to meds......but it did suck when the mania just disappeared and I was left with the crap end of it.

Leon1301 wrote:I have the depressive sub type as well. I get no highs and extreme lows

This is somewhat refreshing to hear someone with the same. Not sure why exactly, but it is. Sorry to hear that this same thing has affected your life in such a way you mentioned previously, though.

maddogmaddy wrote:No fun =/ Actually, depression has become the more dominant mood with me in the last several months. I'm stable thanks to meds......but it did suck when the mania just disappeared and I was left with the crap end of it.

I've went from content to extremely depressed many times before, within seconds. Once that mood hits, though, there's no backing out of it for me. It's like quicksand. The more I try to revert to something I enjoy immediately, it pulls me in deeper.

AnxxietyAttacks wrote:

Leon1301 wrote:I have the depressive sub type as well. I get no highs and extreme lows

This is somewhat refreshing to hear someone with the same. Not sure why exactly, but it is. Sorry to hear that this same thing has affected your life in such a way you mentioned previously, though.

maddogmaddy wrote:No fun =/ Actually, depression has become the more dominant mood with me in the last several months. I'm stable thanks to meds......but it did suck when the mania just disappeared and I was left with the crap end of it.

I've went from content to extremely depressed many times before, within seconds. Once that mood hits, though, there's no backing out of it for me. It's like quicksand. The more I try to revert to something I enjoy immediately, it pulls me in deeper.

Yeah, that's no good. Mine is kind of a dull form, I guess. And these days, my depression generally comes out in the form of anger and extreme agitation. That I handle a little better than the more "typical" type.

I've been in huge depressive episodes before, like 6 months long. Mostly from breaking up with girlfriend. I was actually hospitalized for 14 days when I was like 14. I feel like my depressions always had a reason. I might of also been in a mixed episode at one point with irritability, delusional obsessions, mental energy, etc. Not being able to reach the plymouth of love is my main depressant. Followed by just pharmacological reasons. I was drinking a red bull every morning for several months before I went to the hospital, now I'm thinking that it dysregulated my mood. I had like the "intense emotional pain" type of depression rather than the "blunted affect" type. I know my mom always got irritable when she drank alot of coffee. Sometimes its really just small things like that. Recently I went through "medicinal depression", risperdal is just a violent cns depressant so i knew i was going to crash eventually. Also during the medicinal crash, I was experiencing more and more loneliness because of a girl. Eventually, I started forcing myself to look at it optimistically, and started doing little things to reenforce my possible re-entry into her life like writing letters. Watching relationships movies, so I know how to act. I've done enough self-analysis on my self over the years, through astrology, psychology, past event connections and so on to know how i get triggered. Sometimes I know I feel like $#%^ because of some specific reason, and I know that it will pass soon. I know that I have to get more active instead of reactive and lift up the atmosphere for myself. I know that I have to take nicotine like skoal snus to keep my dopamine up in some areas of the brain. I know that I have to initiate conversations with people at times because it helps me see outside of my imagination, and their concerns and paths help me look at my own. I know that I have to listen to music at times because my frontal cortex moves slow, whenever I turn on music its like my brain wakes up. I also sing alot, so self-expression is very important to me. Sometimes I have to emotionally sulk, like record a really sad song while drinking, then the next day I feel re-invigorated or like something lifted off my shoulders even though I have a headache. Instead of just letting it boil over time like that, and doing nothing about it.

Theres alot of supplementary mood regulators out there, they work over time by strengthening individual cells and connections, and making the brain communicate better. Theres this placid supplement called '5htp' that upregulates serotonin, but it activates my psychosis not for all people though. If you depressive types need to experience some euphoria. And are not prone to mania, then you should try out something like modafinil, but there is a chance that it might activate your hallucination-making receptors.

Herbs and Supplements for Depression
http://www.umm.edu/altmed/articles/depr ... 002453.htm
These dont give you brain fog or zombie feeling like SSRIs.

Also, I was reading around the Bi Polar forum websites, and some people found Latuda to be rather "activating". The 5hta1 partial agonism alleviates some social anxiety over time, and it also upregulates dopamine into the prefrontal cortex which is low in schizophrenics. The 5ht7 antagonism was found to be an anti-depressant. There is also a lack of histaminergic, and no alpha 1 adrenergic antagonism which are depressants.
http://www.sunovionsupport.com/support/meds.html

The truth is, whenever my schizophrenia goes down, I just start thinking about other problems, there are endless problems and a million things that are wrong with me. The only way to be free is to lose all hope.

well, i'll stand up and testify. i do love my imagination. my delusions are spiritual and they're beautiful even when they're horrific. i'm socially inept so i tend to be reclusive and my imaginary friends keep me company. i find my odd mind fascinating.

Very cool, ImaWacko. My schizophrenia is spiritual too. I have a big ache in my heart to go to Heaven. I imagine it as a place like a nexus where every wish is granted. Ive had lucid dreams or astral projections where I visited my heaven... So I like to believe it's a real place.

The other discussion... Ive been depressed too. But I believe the human heart is always sad. Many Easter philosophies call it the Heart of Sadness... And everybody has one. The human heart is always open like a wound that never heals. It festers with love and sadness. It's sad because it can never love enough. It just wants to give and give. That's why humans are always so sad, because they have a Heart of Sadness. It wants to give and give but it's never enough... That's why it always hurts.

So I think depression is just sort of natural for humans. Part of the human experience. Life is not complete without sadness. It's almost beautiful in a way.

i guess i'm extremely fortunate in that i've developed a strong objective observer. she is my surface Id who communicates and maintains a pragmatic relationship with the external world. she is who i present to my family, friends and strangers. she is "normal". she is strictly 3D.

but she isn't really who i am. who i really am is that saint wanna-be, a multidimensional mystic who sees visions, hears inner voices and would, for the sake of "God" and passion, joyfully endure hell. who i really am straddles realities and commutes between celestial perfection and groveling debasement and thinks no more of it than it being another day on the job. and my imaginary friends are angelic demons or demonic angels who facilitate my enlightment. delusion ... all of it but so what? my delusions are works of art my soul creates. poetic. no?

So I think depression is just sort of natural for humans. Part of the human experience. Life is not complete without sadness. It's almost beautiful in a way.

LOL OMG! that is soooo old school Catholic.

No. It's either depression, a manic high or confusion. All the doctors I see (way too many) say I have been pharmaphudically unstable for like four years. They all think I'm like this mystery that needs to be figured out. I hate it. I just want to be left alone most of the time. It's impossible to find a girlfriend. Maybe creativity, but in my terms that means a boatload of media I've collectes (photos, writing that is just filled with spite resment and complaints). I guess you could say that only 1% of the worlds population is schizophrenic or what ever, but that only means that a schizophrinic is rare or hard to find. Mostly I just want to smoke cigarettes and drink too much coffee all day because I can't do street drugs or even drink alcohol anymore......