I think I scare my mother

My world, Creedonia is scaring my mother. She doesn't like it when I bring it up. I have to hide my world from her because I think it would just be another excuse to throw my ass in the hospital(even though she hates it when I go in there.) She has been in denial ever since I went into the hospital the first time. I feel like I can't trust her. I have a hard time trusting a lot of people. Creedonia isn't for everyone. In another post, I'll go into detail about my world.

I don't talk to anyone about my delusions. Not anymore anyways. Well... sometimes I will ask my Mom if she thinks vampires will ever take over the world or something like that... half in jest. It's nice to have her confirm that: no, vampies are not taking over the world, they don't exist, it's not "right thinking", and that I should take my pill. My Mom is great. But I know that I can't do that with anyone else... they'll think I'm crazy.

Looking forward to reading about your world... I think schizophrenics are the most creative people around.

People get uncomfortable when I talk about my 3 levels of reality and things getting stuck in this reality that are meant to be on the dream one.

everyone goes out of their way to look for an excuse to put you away.

at least you can smoke in jail. not in the hospital though.

oh but the children ya say! save the children no smoking in the nuthouse. makes perfect sense. those lozenges aren't really lozenges. nice way to induce backlash to shackle 'em up.

I think i scared the $#%^ out of my mom too. the first time i told her about my mental problems because i couldnt take it anymore, i didnt even go into detail. i just said 'i dont exist' and she cried. Ive never let anyone in except at that moment.

She's one of the reasons I want to move to a group home.

yeah, it's tough on my parents too... I feel so ashamed sometimes that I have this stupid illness. It's been 10 years for me and my parents still don't understand. They know I hear mean voices but I don't think they have a clue as to what I'm going thru.

My Dad says he hates God because I got schizophrenia. I just wish I could get cured.

I catch my Mom staring off sometimes with a sad little look on her face. I know that sometimes it's me she's thinking about. Why did this happen? Why can't I get better? etc.

I guess it's not my fault but I still feel awfully guilty sometimes for sharing my problems with my parents. Sometimes I need to talk about it... but I really don't want to make them worry.