Catatonic Schizophrenia has wrecked my life.

Well, in the month I've known about my schizophrenia, it seems to have created a trainwreck of events one after another. I'm not looking for pity or anything, I just gotta vent. I trusted my ex-fiancee with my deepest thought, thoughts no one should hear, and she got me thrown in the hospital, and was violent to me again, broke up without saying goodbye, stole my family, my possessions, and my home. The worst thing is the hospital didn't give any meds to go home with them. I finally found a med that works but I can't get it prescribed. Also almost died because a dystonic reaction/allergic reaction from the damn haldol and some other new med called saffrax or something. I haven't slept at all tonight and I don't think I will for days. I can't go to hospital again they're trying to kill me they all hate me because of how ill I am. I don't know what to do, I got a short term place to be, but that's it. I'm just gonna be another freaking statistic, just another dead schizophrenic who realized that this isn't worth though. I just don't know what I should do, or do I really gotta kill me before they all do it first? I finally got a doctor at the hospital to re-confirm my diagnosis, but that was 30 milligrams of haldol too late. I don't know why everyone wants me dead, even my own family..I'm starting to get really scared because it's bringing out the self that I tried to long to keep inside. I feel like I'm just becoming some sort of apathetic compassionate-devoid monster..I don't know who to trust anymore. And I don't know if I'm meant for this plane of existence at all.

What are your symptoms? Do you hear voices? Are you experiencing muddled thinking and uncontrollable thoughts?

Whatever it is... I know it's possible to rewire your brain. It's possible. I was really messed up for a long time. I still am some days. But I was able to rewire parts of my mind just by thinking through it and cutting through the delusions with pure hard logic.

I know now for instance that the voice talking to me in my head is a hallucination. Just knowing that brings the fear factor way down. And that in turn allows me to manage and cope much better.

You may also want to try some some Loving Kindness Meditation. Find a nice place to sit or lay down near your computer and listen to this:

http://www.audiodharma.org/talks/audio_player/44.html

Just keep repeating to yourself: May I be happy. May I be safe. May I be healthy. May I be peaceful. And feel each one as you go. Repeat that over and over anytime you have a bad episode. Works wonderfully.

crazymoth wrote:What are your symptoms? Do you hear voices? Are you experiencing muddled thinking and uncontrollable thoughts?

Whatever it is... I know it's possible to rewire your brain. It's possible. I was really messed up for a long time. I still am some days. But I was able to rewire parts of my mind just by thinking through it and cutting through the delusions with pure hard logic.

I know now for instance that the voice talking to me in my head is a hallucination. Just knowing that brings the fear factor way down. And that in turn allows me to manage and cope much better.

You may also want to try some some Loving Kindness Meditation. Find a nice place to sit or lay down near your computer and listen to this:

http://www.audiodharma.org/talks/audio_player/44.html

Just keep repeating to yourself: May I be happy. May I be safe. May I be healthy. May I be peaceful. And feel each one as you go. Repeat that over and over anytime you have a bad episode. Works wonderfully.

I'm hearing voices hallucinating and my thoughts are all over the place. I'm starting to feel like nothing is real anymore. I was in the hospital for two weeks, and they didn't give me meds to go home with, and found out that I'm allergic to every antipsychotic in existence. I had a dystonic reaction so bad my throat almost closed up on me. I'm starting to really get lost in my head, and I'm having more catatonic episodes. I'm so screwed up that I walked ten miles in over 95 degree heat yesterday praying for heat exhaustion to get out of this nightmare. I'm not going back to the hospital it was a waste of time. I'm just so lost and I only have one option and it's not good.