Schizophrenia diagnosis help

I'm 26 years old since about 15 i have been struggling with depression and anxiety.But lately i have been doing some research on schizophrenia and it seems to me that i have alot of the symptoms associated with it.I am almost unable to leave my house out of fear that people are watching me and judging me , i am extremely paranoid.just recently i convinced myself that my phone had been tapped,constantly looking out the windows to see if someone is in my driveway.i use to set by the door with a loaded shotgun waiting for someone to break in on me.this started at about 16-17 years old.

To say that i have trouble processing thoughts would be an understatement.Sometimes they come in rapid succession, i would describe as trying to get a drink from a firehouse.Other times my speech and thoughts are slow and sluggish. even now i find it extremely hard to type this out. Also my memory is almost non existent i find it hard to recall even the events of yesterday let alone doctors appointments.But strangely random memory's from 20 yrs ago are somewhat vivid and come out of the blue.

I have alot of trouble dealing with emotions,sometimes i want to laugh and cry at the same time.In certain situations when it would be appropriate to cry or when i feel like crying i cant do it the tears just will not come out. I am withdrawn from family and friends. Im angry alot of the times or easily agitated. certain vibrations like humming,footsteps,high pitched noises,dogs barking loud car engines raises my anxiety levels immediately, i don't even know if that's associated with S.F. its weird i know.

I have had suicidal thoughts since an early age and still do but i try as hard as possible to block it out.The closest i have come to committing suicide was a loaded shotgun in my mouth.

I have been in and out of treatment since my teens. and have been perscribed Zolft,Paxil,Prozac,Effexor,Zanax,and valume.I have also tried drugs i was not prescribed and street drugs in an attempt to self medicate, marijuana,seraquile and alcohol .I want to make clear that i had these symptoms before i used marijuana i took my first hit 3 weeks before my 21st B-day.All prescription drugs that i have taken have failed to improve my condition and in all cases made it worse. the only thing that helped was marijuana but even though it helped it still had draw backs as well.

I have never been able to sustain gainful employment for more than six months because of intense panic attacks.The problem with my emotions plays hell with relationships.i keep myself isolated and closed off from the world as best i can.personal hygiene has been neglected.I have to force my self into the shower im ashamed to say.

The part that im hazy with is the visual and auditory hallucinations. in my head i dont really hear voices. Its hard to explain what i hear but i will try.Its like i hear thoughts they tend to be more present when under stress or driving for some reason or alone. and the thoughts are so intense its kinda like hearing a voice but its my voice telling me terrible things..."Im no good", "im a loser',"everyone hates you just kill yourself"... And the harder i try mentally to stop the thoughts the more intense they get.As far as visual hallucinations not so much.Every now and then i see shadows but i dismiss these as tricks of light or something. what i do experience is more like a vision or a flash of terror. i zone out and i see flashes of really horrible things like the demise of my family members in gruesome detail and when its hitting strong no mater what i tell myself or what i do to get my mind off it makes it worse.

I don't know what is wrong with me or even if it is Schizophrenia but i would like some opinions and feed back please.It feels like im in hell need to know im not alone in this. please help me.

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Dear James,

many of the symptoms you described sound awful lot like my symptoms I had before I began my treatment: paranoia, waiting for neighbors to come knocking, speech and thought disorder, horrific thoughts, bad memory, that stuff with crying, suicidal thoughts, messed up emotions, hearing voices "you are no good".. It may seem that they are not voices at first, but, from my experience, it will get worse, and they will become quite convincing voices.

My diagnosis would be paranoid schizophrenia or some lighter form of it (time will tell). However, I'm not a psychiatrist, so I urge you to find one. He can definitely help you. It's best if you take a few months off to properly treat this. The treatment nowadays is pretty good (antipsychotics), so that you can continue your normal life.

Just remember never to take drugs like marijuana. They cannot help you at all, they work against the proper medication!

Best of luck

The best thing you can do is get an objective opinion. It's a good sign if you recognize there is something unusual about your thinking. I had no or very little awareness of illness and it went on, and on, and on till i was homeless and abandoned. However the outlook is generally good for paranoid type and is an easier sub-type to treat than some others. Your best defense is knowledge and to pursue information about the illness. Alcohol generally isn't good for psychosis or marijuana either for that matter. These drugs, and really any drug used for recreation has the potential to worsen symptoms, and people w/ schizophrenia tend to be users of one or more. I used to drink a lot. After I started medication for my illness I have lost all desire to drink, which makes me think I was self medicating. Alcohol increases the effectiveness of GABA, a neurotransmitter that "quiets" cell firing so that cells are integrated and firing in an appropriate way. There is evidence that in schizophrenia this neurotransmitters functions are compromised. A general rule for drugs, is that by making a cells job easier, you are also weakening that cells ability to perform its job under normal conditions, which is why many drugs eventually cause dependence. Schizophrenia and duration of illness is closely associated with the residual effects or negative symptoms that may become prominent after long durations of psychotic thinking. So in the worst case scenario which is you having schizophrenia, you have awareness of illness, which is indicative of better outcomes. A duration or effects that are seem transient(fully psychotic people usually don't visit help forums, I certainly didn't). It could Schizotypal disorder, in my opinion, the difference may be between how the illness or potential of illness is handled or if treated early on, whether or not it develops into Schizophrenia. However I have no medical training in this field other than having the illness. Feel free if you have any questions.