Could it be that I have it?

Hello everyone. I've come to you in hopes of finding what I have, and I'm pretty sure it's schizophrenia which is why I'm posting here.
If I don't provide enough information, feel free to say so or maybe even provide a list of symptoms which I can say Yes or No to as to whether I have been experiencing those symptoms or not.
I'll give a quick description on me: I'm a guy, teenager, have drifted from almost all of my friends over the years when I got into computers. I've got long-ish hair. My best friend died when I was in 3rd grade I think. I recall talking to a lady about it, and when I was telling her what happened, for some reason I started smiling and couldn't stop and almost started laughing. I don't know why (remember, I was in 3rd grade. early symptoms in 3rd grade, or false alarm?).

Pretty much what has gone on in my life is:
-mom recently told me i pretty much have a genetic predisposition for bipolar
-best friend died in 3rd grade
-lost (diferent) best friend when i was caught with weed (november of last year)
-lost most of my friends over the years
-have become a major computer fan
-current closest friend has become a dick
-started smoking weed in may(?) of 2010
-stopped smoking weed in november of 2010
-started using tobacco in january of 2010
-stopped using tobacco in january of 2011
-parents probably don't even like me anymore since i was caught (by them)

I'm going to go into depth about my 'lady' problems which is where it all began:
My first girlfriend (we were in 5th grade) cheated on me and used me in the first 2 weeks of going out! That was where my life went downhill. Started wearing black, lost most emotions, took it hard that she would cheat on me with my best friend (at the time). All of my relationships have lasted under one month and now only last up to a week so i gave up on girls.
My last girlfriend. Dear GOD where do I begin? She's emo and I guess I look emo even though I'm not. She's "crazy" as people say but I think she forces herself to be. Anyway, we were great great friends for a month and would always talk to each other (online because I could barely cough up "Hi" in person) about our problems. I would always say the right things to cheer her up, and eventually we became boyfriend and girlfriend. One week later, she wants to break up because there's a guy who's better than me. Skinnier, better looking, funny, talkative, was willing to do any drug put in his way, as was she. I began talking to myself, crying because it was my fault and I know it was, listening to Nirvana, talking to voices in my head, talking to an imaginary version of her, and I was honestly going to kill myself. All I needed was some rope (which I never found). Eventually her friend talked me out of it, but everything else got worse. I looked like a horrible wreck. You could see the pain in my eyes. I'm not going to say the things I thought out, etc., because then there could be some law problems, but LET ME ASSURE YOU, those thoughts don't go through my head anymore. I'll just say, voices told me to harm her, and others, but I didn't. I still had control.

Here's what has been going on with me so far: Laughing uncontrollably at random times, laughing at things that aren't humorous (like an ad for Dr. Seuss reading time), moving back and forth and side to side at slow or fast paces, talking as though I were talking to someone, being depressed one second, and happy the next, hearing someone say something and for some reason being reminded of the past and thinking I just had a deja vu moment even though I didn't (this happens a lot), extremely paranoid thinking everyone's watching me, everyone can read my mind, everyone is plotting something against me, and there are quite a bit of other things.
I used to see and hear things that weren't there. But it only happened RARELY, like, once everyone few or more months.
The first time, a voice whispered my name softly into my ear, and then more and more voices joined in, but then they started SCREAMING my name and I ran to my bed and laid under the covers, then started seeing a dead young girl at my dresser. She was decaying, her skin was cracked and peeling, she was bloody, her gown had small rips all over, and she just stared into my eyes. I was extremely scared and when I closed my eyes I could still see her staring into mine, and I curled up and started crying very violently yet softly so no one could hear me.

I remember being up at a park when no one was around, and lit up a cigarette, and just sat there, and then I felt sick, and lit up another, and began feeling extremely anxious and waiting for something to happen that I almost puked, and I smoked 3 more cigarettes for some reason. Eventually whatever had a grip on me preventing me from getting up let go and I skateboarded home.

What do you think? There are more things that happen to me and probably just can't think of them. All of this usually happens during the day or at night, but I don't think it ever happens in the morning (before 8 AM, after 4 AM). It especially happens when I'm around people, more specifically people I know.
If I didn't provide you with enough information, please have a list of symptoms that I can answer Yes or No to as to whether I have them or not.
Music I listen to (i don't think this will help): Pink Floyd, Atmosphere, Nirvana, Metallica, Slipknot, and usually any bands on Pandora Radio that are underground rap or punk rock or just rock 'n' roll.
Thanks for taking to time to read my post, and please reply!

No one on here can diagnose you, but we can give you our opinion. My brother is schizophrenic, and from what you wrote, I don't think you have it- I think you have something like borderline personality disorder. Your symptoms include more anxiety and depression, and you talking to yourself is a way of comfort, and seeing dead girls is like a nightmare (because you know it's not real, but your imagination is vivid.) Also, when people are extremely anxious, they do end up hearing things and it is not schizophrenia. Their sense of depth perception is also warped.

Laughing inapprioriately: a way to release pent up emotion
moving back and forth: "" Comforting
Talking to yourself: comforting, feeling alone, wishing someone/something will be there with you
moody: moody
deja vu: past, present, future all messed up
paranoid thinking: being paranoid