Government Mind Control and Schizophrenia

LostRed wrote:Mind control? Okay, one question for you: If there was government mind control and you were the only one who knew about it and you were out educating everyone about it on a well visited site on the Internet, wouldn't the Feds have hacked your mind and controlled it by now? Or at least be holding you captive? They aren't. Therefore, your theory is false. Needs a bit more work.

Seriously, though, you should probably seek some psychiatric help. Sounds like some major paranoid schizophrenia. The world isn't out to get you. As for us? We're only here to help.

This is exactly it. The conspiracy that I believed, and sometimes still believe, involves the Government being able to control the bodies and speech of whoever they want in order to get me to do things that they want me to do. They would remote control other people to say things to me in code so that I would know what it was they wanted me to do. And often what they want me to do is just little self improvements or other things that don't seem all that important in the scheme of things. But I recently came to the realization if they can control the bodies and speech of whoever they want then why wouldn't they just control my body to get me to do the things they wanted me to do. Why go through all the trouble of sending me coded messages through hundreds of remote controlled people rather than just remote controlling me in the first place. It makes absolutely no sense. Why would an organization who could control the bodies, speech and actions of whoever they want care about tricking me into making decisions. It's like someone who can fly being really worried about trying to jump higher. It's nonsensical.

That realization has really helped me lately. But sometimes I'm still not sure what I believe. I don't think I'll ever be totally cured because I've made the decision to never share all the specifics of my story just in case it really is true. If they really were trying to mind control me then they wouldn't be to happy with me sharing all their tactics to do so. So I'm never going to talk about it to anyone.

This type of thinking that I should never talk about it may be giving into my sickness but I think of it like Pascal's wager. If it's true you definitely shouldn't talk about it and if it's all in my head then I shouldn't talk about it either because it just makes me look crazy.

The main thing is, I've learned to just not be afraid of it anymore. I won't live my life obeying coded messages I'm supposedly receiving from some secret group that wants things that make no sense. That is not mental health. That is not living a life.

And I'm happier and peaceful now because of it. I sometimes still feel stressed but it's nothing like before. I've learned to cope with it and not let it control me or my life.

TRIGGER WARNING

My delusions/conspiracy things revolve around the government, generally. I only have them when I get psychotic, which doesn't happen that much anymore. "The government was behind 9/11, JFK wasn't killed by Oswald, so and so is the Antichrist (and I'm not even religious)"

One of the things that I always had on my mind was that everyone, not just the government could read my mind. Some day it was just that, but others, it was that they were all working for the government, and everyone in my little town was a government agent, even my family and friends.

It intensified when I had a run in with the law. Back in 2012, when the State Troopers first came into my house, I thought they were finally making a move. I've only ever told my clinical psychologist and my psychiatrist (and I think I told my probation officer, but I don't honestly remember, I have a bad memory) that I had thought (not planned and had no intention) or committing a mass shooting, because I felt that was the only way out. The State Troopers came. "I'm too late," I thought. There were two of them. They were tall people, I'm not, and I'm not physically fit, I wouldn't have stood a chance.

After they came, I sought out psychiatric treatment. I don't have thoughts about killing a lot of people anymore, I don't have these conspiracies, and overall, I feel a lot better about life.