Is this schizophrenia or something else?

My friend told me out of nowhere that he suspects that I have paranoid schizophrenia. It came as a surprise.

I’m nervous almost all the time. I suffer from an irrational, illogical delusion that I am going to vomit any time I do anything that has made someone get sick before, even though I know it will not and has not happened to me every other time I’ve done it. It has no basis in reality and yet I cannot convince myself otherwise. I had to convince myself that my mom did not slip me something in my food that would make me sick. I’m very cautious of what I receive to eat because I don’t want it to make me sick, like if it’s expired, even though I’ve never been sick for these reasons before. I can’t convince myself to not worry about it. Recently I was offered a piece of hard candy and I was scared that it was candy that makes you vomit.

I feel that my math teacher is out to get me, although this is not completely fantasy. She lets other people eat and drink in the classroom but snaps at me if I do. She helps other people during tests but gets mad at me if I ask for help. I believe this is because she suggested that I drop down to lower math because I’m slowing her class down, but then I get B’s every quarter. Although other times she is very nice to me.

I initially suspect that everybody is racist and find it “cute” when they claim that they aren’t, or when people say they’d never harm someone.

Sometimes I feel that I deserve lots of recognition. I will feel that I’m an unrecognized genius.

I make fun of my friends, but when they make fun of me, I think that they have betrayed me and are always ganging up on me. In elementary school two years in a row this happened. Two of my friends plotted against me and tried to get everyone to hate me.
If someone hurts me, I have an uncontrollable “desire” to hurt them back much harder and more times than they did. I don’t feel bad about it, either. A close friend called me a name and I kicked him hard in the back. I rubbed my hand in a girl’s face twice and when she did it back to me, I had to get her back. The first time wasn’t painful enough, so I got her again, harder. Another close friend hit me on accident. I hit him back about fifteen times, much harder than he hit me.
I don’t share the same emotions as other people on tragedies/death. I don’t cry or feel sad. If I see someone else sad, it makes me sad, though. How can people feel bad for killing a fly? I did not feel sad at my grandpa’s funeral. I have dreams where I cry. I also have no motivation to do well except for my parents.
I look up to people that I know I shouldn’t, that most people don’t (people that harm others). I look forward to doing things most people don’t (harming others) I have thoughts about certain things that I know I shouldn’t and that most people don’t. I read on a psychosis website that if you have these thoughts you should seek care immediately, although I don’t want to make a big fuss.

I don’t feel anything, except detachment and indifference. Part of me knows that there is something wrong with me, and another part is telling me it’s all in my head. Part of me reads an opinion and is filled with disgust and anger, then as soon as the book is closed I’ll strongly side with that opinion.
While reading a Dear Abby letter I was thinking, “Wow! This person is just like me! I thought I was alone!” Then when it got to the response Abby said to seek professional help and get on medication.
I have involuntary spasms and I mess up the arrangement of letters in words when I speak and write, although this may be dyslexia. I’ll think “truck stop” and write or say “stuck trop” for example.
I used to think that my dad could read my mind, and I would try to communicate with him telepathically.
Sometimes I hear my mom calling my name, but she isn’t home or she says that she didn’t hear anything. I also used to hear talking distinctly in my mind, or a loud sharp shout in my ear.
I’ll sit in my car or lay on my bed and close the door or pace around in the bathroom thinking the same thoughts over and over and over or replaying conversations I had earlier in the day, trying to make sense of them. Sometimes I will do this out loud if I’m by myself. I’ll do this for at least an hour sometimes, maybe more, and be screaming at myself in anger in my head to stop it, that it doesn’t make any logical sense.
I used to worry so much that I would be on the verge of tears. This was evident when I was very obsessive-compulsive. I would sit at my assignment book for hours, or set my alarm clock for an hour, over and over and over and over again.
When concentrating I will chew on my tongue until someone points it out. I’ve been told that I walk awkwardly and have bizarre mannerisms/physique.
I used to tell my brother how I hate how everyone is always staring at me.
I have to have others make decisions for me a lot of the time.
I have trouble remembering recent events and people’s names but can instantly recall countless, minute details and statistics about such things as films.
I used to be able to taste pure air, and I rarely do anymore. It has a very distinct, unpleasant taste.
If I can I will spend as much time alone as possible.
My friends are bewildered when I am too tired to go skate from a skate session days earlier.
In school I have to have concepts explained to me several times, sometimes irritating the teacher, although I have never received below a B on a report card.

In the second grade someone stole my ball. I tackled him to the ground and shouted at him until he cried. It’s kind of a blur because I remember him standing up and crying.
“Don’t listen to him! He’s tricking you all!” I proclaimed. I have never felt bad about it.

Around that time period one night my blanket was on the floor. I bent down to pick it up and a figure of a man appeared under it and rose until his head almost touched the ceiling. My parents and brother rushed in and said that I was standing on top of my bed screaming and pointing at my blanket on the floor. It’s a blur but I remember hearing myself talk, telling my parents to go back to bed, that everything is okay.

Around that time period as well I was trying to go to sleep, but I was being attacked by demons in my mind. I was bombarded with images of gore-drenched half-humans eating each other and writing in pain. I prayed in terror for them to stop, and there was a moment of hopelessness when they didn’t. Then there was a flash of bright red light in my head and I heard a snarling noise. Everything was calm and I was sweating, my heart beating quickly.

Dear yfguitarist,

My friend told me out of nowhere that he suspects that I have paranoid schizophrenia. It came as a surprise.

To me, and I am no expert on schizophrenia I don't see the necessary criteria in order to have schizophrenia as a diagnosis. I have watched 2 of my now adult aged kids suffer from schizophrenia for the past 7 or so years. Of course the way to know for sure would be for you to see a professional.....and even they are wrong part of the time.

But like I said, this is only my guess.

Wishing you well...

Kathy

The best way to know is to see a psychiatrist. If you talk to your family doctor, he can probably refer you to a suitable psychiatrist. Ask your parents to take you to see him or go by yourself but go as soon as possible. The longer you wait the worse you will get and the harder it will be to treat your illness.


G. Gabriel

Part of me knows I should get help immediately, but the other part is convincing myself that it's all in my head and that there's nothing wrong with you, that everyone feels the same as me. I think I'll be fine if I wait it out, because a lot of people have told me I'm fine. I'm not out of control and if I do have it then I can always wait until it gets more obvious.

Anonymous wrote:Part of me knows I should get help immediately, but the other part is convincing myself that it's all in my head and that there's nothing wrong with you, that everyone feels the same as me. I think I'll be fine if I wait it out, because a lot of people have told me I'm fine. I'm not out of control and if I do have it then I can always wait until it gets more obvious.

this is yfguitarist by the way

Today I heard a voice when I was in class. A girl from behind me said, "Andrew!" and I turned around and said, "What?" and no one responded. I asked a girl if it was her and she said no. I asked the people around me if they heard anyone say my name and they said no. I asked the same girl after class if she heard anyone say it and she kept saying no.

They could have been messing with me, although they didn't look like they were lying. When I asked them they said some things that didn't make sense to me. I prayed yesterday for a sign to go get help and this might've been it.

I heard another person call my name when no one said anything. I also heard my friends talking in my thoughts, one of them told me to do something twice and said my name but it didn't make sense, some of it was gibberish. When I closed my eyes I've seen a liquid shimmering, and twice I've seen flashes of white light out of the corner of my eyes.

I'm so tired and I don't want to do anything, even though I usually am excited about the weekend and I got 11 hours of sleep last night. I've lost my appetite, too.

If I hear or see anything else I'll tell my parents. Part of me thinks I have it and the other part of me thinks I don't, but I know something is wrong.

a couple months ago i found out that i might have had SZ, i got really upste and told my parents, they took me to a psychiatrist, the woman barely listened to me and otld me i had it, put me on meds that didn't work..so the other day i went to a psychologist and he said that i most likely do not have it (but i hear voices every night and have had a couple visual hallucinations)...its better to put it out there and find out whats wrong instead of waiting, it might not actually be SZ, the psychologist said everything with me was with anxiety (even though i can remember things from when i was 6 (dont know what ih ad to worry about then)) but dont wait for something else to happen, try to get help as soon as possible, it sucks not knowing

I have 2 grown kids who have SZ. When depressed I hear voices, sounds, have little hallucinations...but I do not have sz. Just depression with psychotic features. Just because you have a few psychotic symptoms doesn't mean you have SZ. I'm very glad you got it checked out a second time.

Kathy

Thanks for replying. Well, I don't think I have SZ because yesterday I didn't experience any hallucinations so it might have been a passing thing. Now that my dad is back I'll try to figure out a way to mention it to him, especially if it happens again.

The only thing that has happened is I had a nightmare last night and I awoke face to face with a grinning corpse which I realized was my pillow, but it still startled me so bad that I gasped and was unable to move. Afterwards it looked like a normal pillow. I don't think that counts as anything, though.