can someone tell me exactly what is happening ?

hi all ! all of this started about 4 years ago ! i was diagnosed with schizophrenia and a major depressive orders and bipolar and sexual abuse trauma and more ! the doctor gave me first Seroxat 25mg for 3 months then added Serdolect 16mg ! since i started taking the seroxat i noticed that something is wrong here and it get worse when i took the serdolect ,,, sleep disruptions ( wake up after 3 4 hours with my mind clear and active and my body very tired ) + no sperm condition + dry mouth + weight gain + (((( NO ENERGY )))) + breathing problems like something is stuck in my breathing system + no sexual lust at all ZERO + no erection + no will to do any sport to notice i was a good sportsman playing wrestling running and body building now im damned !!!! and many other side effects but dont remember cuz since i started taking this medication and i have a memory problem !
i went to a new doctor he decreased the doses and when he finished he gave me new meds ! however i didnt take the meds , and its been around 40 days now since my last pill ! i have new problems first and foremost something is diffently wrong with my sexual organs like when i masturbate nothing comes out nothing people told me 2 days others said 2 weeks and sperm will return , now there is no sperm however sometimes sperm comes out i dont understand what is this exactly its very weird like today ive masturbated at 9:30 AM and nothing came out and repeated the thing at 12:00 PM sperm like 1cm came out and it doesnt look like sperm it looks like water sperm should be white this fluid looks like water , what is that exactly ? ,,, also to add when i masturbate when i reach orgasm sperm doesnt go out from the first feeling like 1 2 3 4 5 6 at the sixth one sperm begins to come out and when its coming out i feel like im pissing not ending my lust i feel like im pissing or water coming out of my penis before taking the meds everything was okay and i used to feel good feeling when the sperm is coming out NOW nothing !!!
third point i still have no power at all no energy nothing ,,, i began to get angry once again , my brother ( the voice i hear ) starts to speak with me almost as bad as before but ordering me to do other things like tricking the people in my religion over the internet and convincing them that ive changed to their religion ! also i began to head back to listening to music and stimulating ideas and thoughts of me killing raping ( kids specially boys ) tortured those who raped insulted and abused me !
my situation with my parents is getting worse when i was young when i got raped my dad came from the army in his day off and started breaking things on my body in other words he started beating me to death after that i became more violent with my mother like when i was 10 years old , my parents cuffed me and my dad had a spoon on the fire and started burning my body with the spoon , i will never forgive them !
what should i do people done everything you can imagine to me EVERYTHING raped insulted abused made fun of me even they pissed on me !
my connection with God turned 180 degree from being quite religious no lying no porn stuff like that to a horrible person just want to kill kill kill and yet more killing has to be fulfilled , i want to swim in a pool full of the blood of everyone who troubled me with something i want to slay them unload their blood in that pool and then start swimming ,,,,,,,, i really dont want to rape any boy but i feel it inside of me i want to make copies of me to make them happy like me but never tried actually i did have tried when i was 12 years old with a 4 years old girl but didnt have an actual rape but i did touch her body and u know !!!
the doctor said to me you will go to a hospital if i didnt take the meds ! now i have day dreaming of massacring those who wants to put me in a hospital !
What should i do ??? im lost and i need help but NO MEDS , YOU UNDERSTAND ??? NO MEDS ,,
thnx

You asked what is happening - hell has manifested itself onto our plane and is turning the heat up on you.

I can suggest what you not do, and that is not to follow through with your angry desires. The voice that tells you to kill and rape, what for? If you follow through, he won't magically go away, the heat will still be turned up, but people will be raped and killed because of your actions if you choose to take them.

I do not know much about physical health, but for example when you aren't able to sleep for days on end the brain starts going haywire, if that's the only cause then sleeping enough and regularly would put an end to it. Same with nutrition, things in the body start malfunctioning if different parts don't have the resources they need to operate correctly.

How come you stopped the meds?

oh ! i dont kill or rape anyone ( didnt do anything to anyone since the 4 year old girl when i was 12 years old ) that is driving me crazy ! i really dont know what to say my life is a real sad story ,,5 years ago i loved a girl and she didnt give me any attention i turned to a sexist a real bad sexist ! there are other things like sometimes i see this strange dream i see myself flying without wings sometimes i see myself flying between rooms and happy that people see me different and other times i see myself flying too but in streets i know and all the people are looking at me when i wake up i feel like i was really flying awesome feeling !
i also have a habit i know its a bad one but it amuses me which is to play with the other people's minds to trick them logically change facts etc most of the time i fail however sometimes i really work it out !
ill say it again i dont kill or rape just visions of them , thoughts and voices ordering me to do that and not only ordering me to kill but also giving me the plan of how to kill how to escape how to remove traces and evidence how to assassinate in a small period of time and head back for like a cafe or something not just normal killing !

Screwing with people's heads? I do that sometimes, only if they started it, like some people I know are agents and when they carry out their task on me (they manipulate my chip, rewire it so it becomes even more infused and interconnected), I decide to try and get inside their head so they see how it feels. If they're just being smartasses though, it gives me a chance to debate something to the point where the root of the conversation is lost entirely. It's fair game I say, two to tango.

Sometimes in my mind's eye I see me annihilating someone and enjoying it. I hate it, scares me to death. Some other times I'm told to do something to realign the world powers, take some out of power so previously planned ones can rise up and bring about the NWO. No specific plans are given, I'm expected to die by carrying it out.

I had a point, but it's gone from me now. My bad.

i mean screwing with people's minds without any reason it just amuses me with or without a reason i love to trick them in mind but over the internet not in real life u see what im saying

You say you like to trick them and may believe you are, but how do you really know they aren't playing the same joke on you?