mental health question - you could help someone

I had a psychotic break i guess from what they say and was on haldol for over a year and half. they were sending signals thru tv, voices, hallusinations all the above and i see it that alot of what i thought was real back then may have been fake.

Question - I am not on meds, people are starting to start talking about me every where i go, and i have been hearing some voices, plus an episode of delusion of reference, do not forget seeing stuff. Should i go get on meds, i dont know if i am really go insane, i think im fine, but as i get older i see that mental health is no joke. i use no drugs atm too so thats why i am like wtf before my previous episode i used mdma 4 times a week with at least 4 pills a drop with some shrooms to top it off. If i had my way i would be so ###$ up i wouldnt really know where i am, i love that, asking everyone stuff like "Where am I," and "What am I on" I take getting ###$ up as no joke. I cannot use because mental reasons, and i wish to program later in life i have been programming sense 7th grade and from what people say makes no sense how smart i am for what i have done.

So I go on meds? And does this sound like schizophrenia, as i understand it if your schizo you do not recover then have another episode right, you would just get worse and worse. sense i have been better than its prob Severe Bipolar with Psychotic Traits, any info I would love.

Plus i have no memory left, getting a bowl a cerial takes effort i as i loose the bowl at least 3 times before i get one bite. Once i finish a sentence its like gone wtf did i just say, forget what i am saying as i talk to. I walk around the couch in circles for hours, i am in hell from the akathesia from the haldol. I cannot use anymore because it is torture can anyone HELP? Last episode i couldnt find the gun to kill my self, please i do not want to get there again, as i am not depressed atm but still do not want to go down that road. I cannot program any more on my computer because my concentration is so bad i cannot think, memory has been worse but bad. Please SOMEONE HELP!

i talked to some docs yesterday, friday. they told me im not bad enough to be readmitted. Like im not psychotic, ill tell you that 100%. just feels like filter on brain is broke and i experience everything all at same time and stuff gets mixxed up. antipschotics only thing that helps which is only reason i take them.

Ok last piece of info that I am a long user of drugs sense i was in second grade. weed, coke/crack, heroin up until i reached 16 years old then dxm everyday it seemed with some breaks until 22 or so. after 16 is used everything from 2c-i, and dmt, to mdma and crack, cant forget nitrus, and ether. I have seen god and conciousness is something special i believe you must learn more and more as you get older!

plus ive been brain washed, have a lock on me, stupid gangsters are trying to get me, feel like im in a box if you understand that! did what i just say sound a little crazy, does to me just you have to live it! Only asking here cause at family house i get threatened by everyone there, they do not like helping someone who is not psychotic like IM FAKING THIS $#%^! well thanks for info!

And BTW it is so hard to think that while driving this morning i was going between 65-75mph, as i usuually drive 75. My car hit the dirt and rotated slightly then BAM rolled so many times just a blur i do not want to exagerate but at least 4 times, and over 8 rolls would not suprise me, man once it started rolling there was no end. I rolled down the side of a hill no joke pollice and everyone who helped could not understand wtf how i was walking around even. walked away but totaled my car. i cannot explain how crazy that was. so any help would be nice cause i wanna be able to think!

i know this is not a patient thing to do, but i was hoping info faster so i can get on the ball sooner i make a decision then i can either go on or off meds, if i make wrong choise then it either ganna cause ALOT of pain, other way is soon may least to softer course of illness i believe is the currect theory, like sooner treated means your better off!

is this forum bugged, i was reading a post when i look away then back there was no post, so wtf where do i report bugs.

here is a responses to the first two sentences from that post

your right and concreted into place what i previously decided. Never done this before, as that stuff was not, from me at least, been seen before; for example i never told them more than squat, anyones including friends/family. I remember yelling at my social worker cause she was working with the mexican mofia and they were recording my conversations. im lucky to have a solid head still; How i feel fine now after going thru that much stress/ansiety it was brutal man, torture. Thats why i am glad it happened to me. because in was in the psychonauts army, places only someone either 100% or has curage of a hero, i sent there at one point, multiple times a day of dmt, plus 5-meo with dxm then shrooms, then methadone. about every 2, sometimes 3 days,

wow almost no input/responses; kinda hoping for more. But ima log off for a while as im having trouble typing, cant represent ideas worth $#%^ atm. and doing my engine, work on code, no media worked tonoday! man i need to work some decent media, like art/models/levels. build up a #######1 library. working with the streaming system, so i can load peices of the engine all at once, so load a game with out any code. Scinter, is scrut inturpreter, but like this additional functionality so no real hard code, just toss the script in a directly into object file; better yet a library of scripts figure why for your self( start with the dragon book read it 8th grade summar ) then have the objects load prefab script, again learn if you do not understand why, not saying if i have duplicate references contain in a object while loading my streaming system would bug out and fail.

As far as i know, its perfect and the basic idea has stayed more of the rest 5 years, why the major change 2.5 years ago about still no where close to where it should be when done, my layout is trivial at best, and too limt in functionality, and the vibrance doesnt stand out, looking for beutifule code, i last month programming for several weeks 22 hours a day of alot of the days, ima to obsest with comp programming is obession a illness, caues i wouldnt say i am as much comulsive!

O well. Not one response and to tell you the truth i didnt expect any more than this. Thanks for anyone who read this, or will read this! Bless all of you and continue living! Can we all just sit down for a minute and learn something new!

Have you made a decision to stopped using altogether? If you are thinking about going back on meds and are able to do so, perhaps you are answering yourself.

I feel like my brain is deteriorating also, in the sense of not functioning as well as it used to. I also did not renew my license, I don't trust myself behind the wheel anymore.

It would be a good idea to do whatever is necessary to make sure you don't hurt yourself or anyone else.

It does sound like a good idea to go on medication. What your describing does sound like psychosis.