Where am I on the schizo spectrum?

I've seen my doctor for a while about anxiety, but it's not until I sought potential ADD treatment that I was referred to psychological testing where something interesting was found. My psychologist thinks that instead of having an anxiety disorder, I lie somewhere on the schizo spectrum, backed by the fact that Zyprexa has been the only medication to help me so far, including benzos. She told me that she believes I have schizoid personality disorder and that I do have a form of thought disorder, and I sometimes have episodes higher up on the spectrum. I have heard it before that sometimes psychologists don't like to label you if you do have schizophrenia, and she wasn't being very clear on a label. But maybe there just isn't a better label for me than "thought disorder".

The reason I question this is because I have some odd thoughts of my own. I'll compile a list:

- Zyprexa is helping, but not anywhere near enough. I'm on 7.5mg (because I can't take the side effects any higher) and I know someone with schizophrenia needs much higher. For comparison, 2.5 and 7.5 seem to have the same effect on me
- I have many of the negative symptoms (blunted affect, avolition, alogia, etc)
- The psychologist said my worry is more of paranoia than anxiety
- I am paranoid about people's thoughts and motives all the time. I've never fully trusted anyone, including my boyfriend of two years. I also feel like people are always thinking about me, always negatively. My biggest worry is about my boyfriend thinking a girl is prettier than me. I sometimes misinterpret the things he says to think that he's being mean to me, even though I know he never would be. I get upset all the time about misinterpretations I make
- There's a forum that I frequent, but just like in real life, I don't talk there either. If I actually DO make a topic or post, usually I'm too worried about what everyone says to/about me and I don't check it ever again
- I have this subconscious understanding that everyone knows my motives behind doing things and is judging me on them
- Sometimes I have the thought that someone can read my mind, but I don't obsess over it because I know that something like that couldn't be kept secret
- I've always been afraid of the dark, knowing that a demon may be waiting in it. I will willingly sit in a dark room, but I'll constantly be looking in the darkness expecting to see something
- There was a particular hallway in the house I grew up in that I had to run through because I was so terrified of being watched by something evil
- In my room, I played with the thought that there may be cameras watching me, like a 24/7 reality show. I would talk outloud to entertain everyone, just in case
- I (rarely) talk to the stuffed animal I've had since birth, just in case it has a soul and can understand me. I also talk to my car just in case it can understand me. I don't believe that they do, but just in case
- I won't sit or sleep with my back to an open area, otherwise I'll constantly be looking over my shoulder
- I don't worry about it now, but I used to prepare my position lying in bed to how would hurt the least when someone comes up from under my bed and stabs me (I was 16 or so, so it wasn't a little kid's monster under the bed thing)
- One house I lived in, I swear there were ghosts. I heard things, saw things, felt things. But it was only this house... so maybe it really was just ghosts? This is also when I was 16. Something happened involving my mom and dad too, though, so I really believe it's ghosts and not a different perception of reality
- Sometimes I feel like I'm connected with the dimension of time. I've been able to accurately guess very random events before they happened, so I feel like there's a psychic power that I don't know how to unlock
- When I was a child, I saw a shadow dancing on my wall and assumed it was an alien. Typical child fear. But I'll occassionally think, what if that really was an alien and they planted something in me to watch me? I also don't believe this or dwell on it, but I it's popped into my head numerous times
- I've had dreams since first going to an amusement park (in middle school) that I'm on a roller coaster and the harness does not lock. Since seeing Final Destination 3, not only do I now have dreams about the coaster going off the tracks, but I also developed a strong belief that my connection with time is telling me that this is how I'm going to die. The nightmares won't stop. I still go on roller coasters, but every time I do, I'm afraid this is the time I'll die. I never was scared of roller coasters until my theory on dying because of the dreams

So what I wonder is this: I don't feel a break from reality... at least with most things. I have thoughts about some strange things, but I don't fully believe it. Except the dreams and a connection with time... those two I might believe, I'm not sure. Maybe these times that I think about them are those episodes higher on the spectrum that I slip into. Maybe it IS schizophrenia that she's thinking? I know I'd at least be a higher functioning form, if so. Or maybe I'm overthinking it and I'm just a bit more eccentric than most, with some strange coincidences in accidentally predicting events.

I'm capable of handling a label if there is one, I'm just curious... and I'd like to know if I am because then I'd know I need a higher dosage after all.

Thanks a lot everyone, I'm really just wondering what any thoughts on this are. I'll be seeing the psychologist in a week and I'll definitely question her further then, it's just been on my mind a lot since.

Hi, Polyoxymethylene! It would probably be best to ask another doctor what they think, if you're not sure about this psych's ideas. Try posting in the Living with mental illness forum about it too, it's a bit more popular.
I used to have some of the problems/thoughts you describe and it was probably anxiety for me and I know that it can suck (not saying it's what you have too, though). How are you feeling?

I can kinda relate to a couple of the things you described. As for the predicting very random events accurately, would you care to elaborate?

Also, if it were up to me, I'd rather not have the label you so desire (maybe desire? Sorry if I come off wrong). Corporations won't hire me, unions definitely won't talk to me, the research hospital keeps me at bay. Banks, I won't talk about banks right now. The only job offers I come across involve scams, check fraud, things of that nature, or pushing. What's a labelled schizo to do? End up in jail or bum off people. Yea, glorious, I know. I wouldn't be worried so much with a label and worry about treating the symptoms you experience. About what you said of schizos needing higher med dosage, is that so? I'm no doctor, I'm not negating you, but what I've heard is that every case is different, and there is such a thing as being overmedicated. If/when you do get bumped, keep an eye out for the zombification. I'll elaborate - most of the meds I tried make you sleep for a very long time and the short time you're awake, the feeling of starvation never ceases, gorging was common for me. Not sure if that was overmedication or side effects. But by zombie I mean when you're awake, you literally feel like a zombie (if you've felt like a zombie before and know what that's like). Poor elaboration I know, that's what I'm best at though.

And when I mentioned my job trouble, I'm not angry that no one will hire me, I wouldn't either, I'm basically useless, either when it comes to making a daily commitment (weekly let alone daily), or keeping focused on the task at hand, or having an episode and hitchin somewhere. Although I will say it has helped me to push money completely out of my mind, I'll do something to earn a few bucks to buy smokes, twenty bucks can get you a pound of handroll and some papers.

I hope your docs can ease your troubles with treatment, and try to stick with it for a good while, brain chemistry doesn't balance off completely overnight.