should I go to the hospital. for a while?

Hi, I have paranoid schizophrenia and borderline personality disorder.
I'm 23 years old and live on my own but near my parents. Stupidly I went off of my mood stabilizer for about a month without thinking twice about it really. Now I'm a mess.
The really big thing is my hallucinations, though. I'm taking 30 milligrams of abilify but my pdoc perscribed me 40. however my pharmacist hasn't been able to get medicaid to say yes to the raise so I've been stuck at 30 and my delusions are getting worse.
I wish I could see my psychotherapist every day but I know that's impossible.
I just feel...weird. It's hard to explain. I'm not really suicidal. I cut about a week or two ago and I'm afraid I'll go back to that if things keep getting worse.
But since my hallucinations and delusions have been so bad I've been staying at my parents for the past five days. Two of those days I had my mom stay upstairs with me on the couches. I was too afraid to be alone.
I don't want to be an inconvenience to my parents though I know they don't mind. But I'm afraid to go to the hospital for more than a week (I've been twice but only for like five days each time). But I also am having problems with my borderline and I think they could help with that?
BAH!
Help! I don't know what to do!

Yo dude, you sound like a decent and nice young chap. Do'nt feel too bad about yourself. It seems as if withdrawing from your medication has really messed up your body, and maybe it doesn't know how to correct itself. If you admit yourself to the hospital, then you should be able to discharge yourself when you feel you're ready. I spent two weeks ina psychiatric hospital once and it was overall a positive experience. How could you afford to go to a hospital but then not be currently able to get your medication? Are they funded by different organisations or something?

Kevin

It's not really that I don't have the money to buy my meds I just didn't take them (I know, not very smart). But I have medicaid for insurance and the last time I went to the hospital for a few days they paid for it. I'm not sure if it would be the same this time if I went for an extended period.

I think most have gone through periods where they avoided taking their medication (myself included). Why did you stop in the first place anyway?

I kind of began to think that it wasn't important (that particular med). Then I forgot to take it after I hadn't taken it for a while because it wasn't part of my regimen anymore.
Overall it just wasn't very smart. Now I realize just how much I need a mood stabilizer.

A mood stabiliser is more potent than a SSRI, which I took. However, i tinkered with my SSRi on occasion too. Once, when I stopped taking it, I swear to you that I had the worst feeling i have ever felt in my life. It was as if my entire will to live had just vanished into thin air. Not only that, however, I didn't even feel able to do anything such as walk, eat, etc. I was actually at the gym when it happened on the treadmill. It just hit me and then I stopped immediately, went to the dressing room, and just sat down with my head in my hands for a while.

Kevin

I know what you mean.
Since I've been off of it I've just felt like nothing matters anymore. Everything just feels stange and out of focus. I've cut for the first time in months and months mostly to feel alive.
But one thing that's come with this that I wasn't expecting (you mentioned it) is that I'm disgusted by food all of the sudden. I can't seem to eat much of it and I feel so fat. I know what's happening and that I could develope anorexia if I'm not careful about it but I can't help it. I just don't want to eat anymore.
I'm worried I'll only add one more thing to my list of illnesses if I keep going down this path. Hopefully once my medicine kicks in I won't feel this way anymore.

Well, the past has come and gone. Make amends now to alter your future path. Get everything back in order and be your own boss. C'mon dude...

Kevin

PS - i swaer that I didn't just take all that from a 'self-help' book!

Thanks