mild chronic schizophrenia along with bipolar episodes?

Could such a condititon exist?

Hello, hope that I am right here....

I am 21 years old and female.
I think that I have been struggling with my symptoms since I am very young and I have the luck that I am more hypomanic/manic than depressive with my bipolar periods..
I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder not otherwise specified three months ago when I had a moderate endogenous depression with phobic anxiety coming out weeks after depression started withouth any reasons.
I have neither a family history of major depression,bipolar nor schizophrenia and not experienced a big trauma,but there are some anxiety disorders,strongly mistrustful people,cholerics and people with faster mood swings which doesn`t fit criteria for mania and depression and ocds in both sides of my family.

I want to tell my story (it is a bit long I know...)

My hypomanias are on the border to mania and last about two weeks to 5 months, depressions and mixed episodes the same.

Since I have been a child I also have experiences of derealisation very often not only when manic, but it often feels good.
It seems to me for example that I have been to or lived in countries in which I have never been before in real live.Everything feels so familiar to me and I could be everywhere in the world or at a special place far away when I am for example driving a car.
But from time to time the world seems like a big factory to me and I am not belonging really to it which doesn`t feel good.
This feelings of belonging often made me think that I was reborn or that I had far away ancestors from some countries and that I could remember about their lives.
I also often feel to be born in the wrong country and since I am a child I have a split ethnical feeling (although I don`t know about having ancestors from foreign countries, and I wanted to notion that I live in Europe)
But I feel such things and they often make me think that I am special and sometimes it feels good to me.
From time to time it goes so far that I believe that strangers who see me believe that I am foreign or that I think that I want to be from a special ethnicity (but don`t get me wrong I am not a racist it is kind of subjective feeling which I couldn`t explain with my logical thinking and I also have no real problem of not being the ethnicity I want to be)
It is kind of feeling familiar with a country and it`s people and a feeling of belonging to them and having that ancestry many generations before.

Such delusions are always the same for many years and I don`t know where they came from, I have them since I am a child.

I also suffer from near-psychotic anxieties of possibly being severely physically ill since I was a child.Sometimes I develop some symptoms too but it always came out that I am healthy.I often was struggling for months with the fear of the same illness which scared me and as a child I even thought of contracting HIV in swimming pool (at that time I didn`t know much about the ways contractin that illness), but later it was always the fear of cancer or any organic insuffience.
I also developed compulsions of observing my body which also affected my social life but I have never been 100 percent convinced that I had that certain illness, the fear was sometimes stronger and sometimes weaker.
Since three years I also thought about suicide if I should have cancer or something similar really, because many people in my parents and grandparents environment died of it and were lying a long time in hospitals suffering physical and mental pains.And I am so afraid of suffering!
These anxietis come in periods most of the time and then remit, but it is for years often the same type of illness which I am afraid of.And there are also times which I am not hundred percent sure of being healthy for years, but then the anxiety is usually weak when I don`t have an acute episode.
I am also not the type of hypochondriac who jumps from doctor to doctor, since many years I am very afraid of doctors,afraid of getting a serious diagnosis and planning my suicide for the worst case when it comes to examinations.It often doesn`t seem like typical hypochondriasis but more of specific phobias...
When I have acute thoughts of being sure to be ill than I get suicidal thinking but luckily I have never made an suicide attempt and I often add few little symtptoms as signs of a serious physical illness.

Often hypochondrical fears go hand in hand with depression but sometimes phobia episodes are seperate or mixed, sometimes even with mania.

Another problem of mine is that when I remember dreams and there are some terrible things going on in my dreams I often think that they could have a special referrence for me the next day and I for example avoid to drive a car and believe that I have special powers to get to know things going on next day or time in my dreams.
But I have never ever heard voices,only have some strange things in my head before going to sleep or see pictures in my head but not optical halluzination.

Paranoia is also such a thing, since years I believe that my neighbours are talking about me expecially when they see me and I developed a real social phobia when it comes to see them or talk to them (we live in a village), I also had this kind of paranoia in school classes or when I am going somewhere alone and there are groups of girls I often think that they talk about me behind my back.
Sometimes when I read expressions on people`s faces I believe that they are because of what I have said and then I get insecure.
And I can`t stand situations when a person who doesn`t like me and could talk about me, is there.
My paranoia is not so bizarre, for example I have never thought of being poisoned,robbed or haunted by secret agents or aliens.It is always the point of being talked about and only by specific people.
But sometimes I also thought that some people I know personally could find my topic and answers on different forums by googling and then knowing that it was me.

Sometimes I also have periods when I isolate myself withouth being depressed but I couldn`t explain it to myself.It has nothing to do with other people,only with myself.In such periods I am often busy with one or two special things in which I got interested and I search for informations,study books and often lying in bed all day long only thinking only about my interests.
Such periods could sometimes last for months too and I often find it very strange...but that`s me!

But luckily I have no instable relationships, I almost never quarrel with my friends (sometimes it is the case that they start to quarrel with me when I have an episode of not wanting to go out or staying at home almost all the time or going on their nerves in manic times.
But my behaviour has nothing to do with them, I like my friends although I am not feeling good.
Paranoia also very rare occurs on my friends, it is always fixed on special people,former classmates,neighbours,false people,girl groups to which I don`t belong.

Often I am very overflowed with my environment, every impression wakes up emotions and thoughts in me.Often I think about things which doesn`t have any belonging to the sound I have heard or the impression I have got.Somentimes I also remember scenes of dreams which I had dreamt long time ago.I have a very good long-time-memory but terrible short-time memory.

At the age of 13 when I think back today, I had a time when I was extreme mistrustfull,almost paranoid to my classmates.I didn`t talk to them because of the anxiety of being laughed out or talked about when I say something "wrong".At that time I also believed that they were looking in my schoolbag when I was leaving the classroom.
At that time I also was very obsessed with esoterics and I lived a very silent live, and I didn`t have the need for friends.This time was about almost 2 years...

Strange that I am an opend minded person today when I am with my friends and often also with strangers, the paranoia is still there but when I am not with that kind of peolple on who I am afraid of being the object of their talks I am not paranoid most of the time.
Sometimes when I was talking to my friends and having fun in a bar and immediately some old classmates came in I was afraid of being talked about and wanted to leave the place.

I hope that reading my text was not too bad for you because of the length and my bad English.
Sorry for that and thank you for your replies!!

If you live in a village it is likely you are being talked about - everyone is. That does not exclude the possibility of you being paranoid on top of that.

Hi,

It's clear that you've been thinking about all of this for a long time, but therein lies the probblem, right? - i.e. you think too much about things. Now, this isn't a disadvantage and can in fact be a great advantage if you can mould it as such. Going back a bit though, I have no doubt that Bipolar and SChizophrenia can occur together. All of these mental illnesses overlap and combine, but it's nothing majr when you have symptoms of two or mor at the same time. May I make a suggestion? - Focus on what you are interested in in life, and then try to get into a job in that area (or a college course). There are people - like you and I - who need that little bit more from life. We don't accept the norm and want more, right? I am now in a good place that I can be relatively happy in for the time being, but this wasn't always the case.

Kevin

Hello Kevin

You are right. I have periods when I get stuck into that thinking stuff too much, but I am thinking about my mental health not for a long time, it has started when I got diagnosed.

Yes you are right I need an interesting job.Friends and hobbies I have enough and I am very happy about it.
But my problem ist that I have no education although I am very intelligent and creative. I was struggling with maths and didn`t get the final exam and I think that also maybe some aspects of my illnesses played a part in not reaching a proper education.I have very strong problems with discipline of reaching goals like very long educations with many exams, I always want to have things done fast and easily and my problem is that I am often very disorganized in the term of future goals and also think that there could be too much things which I couldn`t pass.

When I am manic I have too much ideas and everything should go fast and I know that I could do many things even without having the final exams but there are always special reglementations and laws and that is so frustrating for me.
When I am depressed I only lie around in bed thinking that I would never reach anything.
When I am afraid of being seríously physically ill I also couldn`t do something beause I always have to think about my possible death or suicide.
And when I am obsessed about a certain thing for a longer time it is also very difficult to motivate myself of getting interested in some other topics.

I often wish that I wouldn`t be so disorganized and that I could be able to handle my life.
There are many ways in which I have tried it and I don`t want to have those motivation problems for example for some educations which lasts very long (I also want to move out from my parents soon and while education it wouldn`t be possible)
I have often tried to fight those things but my moods and fears are always stronger.

I am very good at creative text writing and languages and I know a lot about history and geography....I am trying to write a book since my last manic episode and I think that I am also very good in it and hope that it will be succesfull ( it has not to be a bestseller I don`t have to get rich and famous but it would be good if I could live from writing texts)
I also could imagine to work for a newspaper or as a social worker (in this professions I also wouldn`t have problems going through a longer education because the job and also the formation would be very interesting and easy for me, but the problem is that everywhere you go you need the damn final exam, even if you could do it very well.And most of the time they are the things I like to do where you need it.

And the other problem are the break outs of my illness.In our society where you always have to be healthy and have to bring your success it is also difficult for people like us.

And I don`t have problems if I would be a bit schizophrenic, a friend of mine has also been diagnosed with schizophrenia and he is a good guy.

Hi,

There is a lot of positives to be taken out of what you have just said. I mean, if you have time read back over it and see all of the possibilities. You've mentioned that you're good at history, geography, languages, and text/writing. Why don't you focus on one or more of these and then make them part of your life's main - ummm- 'dream'? Also, you may be disorganised, but don't accept that! You can become organised starting right now if you want to. I'll tell you something: I used to be the biggest slob on Earth in my teens but now I've gone so far the other way that I sometimes pick up specks of dirt from the floor and wouldn't dare go outside in creased clothes!

There is time still for you to do many different things in life. We are never tied down to anything physically, only mentally. I know that you have the power and will in you to do different things. Don't ever accept second best when the best is in your reach.

TAke care,
Kevin