Thought Broadcasting

in the past, and lately i've been having issues with TB, i'm not diagnosed schizophrenia, and I don't think I have it..but I am paranoid, (hyperviligant?)

its weird tho, cuz what I'm going through is like the conversations of people, is an interpretation of whats going through my head, or what has been interpreted in the past..

oddly though, it triggers when I smoke weed, or does it expand my awareness?
and a biggie, the people are accurate! like the neighbors, my parents sleeping, like I hesitated grabbing the melatonin bottle, and I heard my dad say 'no, *claps two times' ...now I thought he was sleeping? another thing why are all these people OBSESSED with making fun of me/reading my mind, do'nt they have a life? don't they have something else to put their attention to?

also my dad snores, and mostly his breathing is synchronized with mine, what is with people being syncrhonized? is it they predict it? or just something that happens by chance??

also something weird, last night I had a dream repeat three times, same dream everybody was after me, including my parents, they were relentless in trying to catch me..but only after I 'realize' that people reading minds is normal and I accept it, and I deny it, they start chasing and trying to kill me..

in one of them my dad succeeds with killing me

I know this isn't real..but it SEEMs real, its so scary having your thoughts being emitted to everybody
whoa, just now when I was outside smoking, I was listening to my mp3 player, and I stopped because I thought I heard somebody. and I heard the tv inside, and I listened to it, the people were like a commentary and it was making fun of me, I listened to it for awhile.

example, I looked at a cat, it said 'there's a cat' I looked at the bikes, 'yep those are bikes'.....and sooo sooo much more...the scary thing is, its accurate!! while I was listening I pretty much summed up my whole life, it was some how being broadcasted on a tv show, and everything that I do/remember was televised live

I thought about a bunch of memories and applying it..it made sense

but i'm good tho bc I found out the show was called squidbillies..haha

when I busted in to see the show for my self it went to commercials
oh and when I went to my room, my tv was at the same channel as the one I was hearing, and I didn't pay any attention to at the time, but I saw this blue shirt character staring at a tv of a tv of him self..what?
i'm going to go back out and see if it happens again

lol I know i'm trippin I gotta

I just remembered a crucial part, I was trying to rationalize that it couldln't be possible..and then when I reminded my self I was hyperviligent, the guy on the tv goes hyperviligent, and also I remember him asking him self if he is on tv..and that i'm outside, listening to the tv *paraphrased ...and when I can't understand the babble, is what i'm too ignorant to comprehend...thats why when I go and watch a movie that I haven't seen for a long time I understand more of it..oh and last night I was really famous, like everybody watched the show..

sorry for the rants

just went to the festival, and yep everybody is in my head, everybody knows what to do, what triggers me, everything that I looked at somebody either pointed it out, or made a judgement, or they'll say whats in my head exactly, I feel like its a dream, and that I'm already sent to hell, here..people, imitate me, it really feels like the movie truman show, including thoughts..when in public, I try not to show anything what my intrusive thoughts bring me..but I let them out somehow..and I usually look at things so that I hope that they won't think i'm thinking about them..then I quickly look and panic...

with me avoiding to see what people are doing, I miss out on most of the small things that people show through body language..and when I'm just open eyed just viewing whats going on..wow its like everybody knows everything about my awareness...the idea of me being famous is growing

*plus I have a cleft palate, and I have what I call two-face..(the 'sounds'/'voices' helped me type this out..so it seems? )
and maybe thats a reason when I'm in public and people look a little weird, body language? wow, if I forget what word to type next, i'll freaking hear it

..and now when I'm sober, I still hear people reading my mind..like right now I'm in my room, and my mom/dad is in the room behind mine..and I hear them constantly reading my mind.. what they say is what i'm experiencing/thinking about...if I think about buying some weed..they have said 'he wants to smoke a blunt' -dad.. its easier to hear my dad

I'm hearing THEIR voice..its not in my head..because, the content of what they are saying/repling to my thoughts, it seems to be more thought out thoughts (more intelligent..makes it even harder to ignore, because they are right) they can somehow 'predict the future' like they'll say something, and a second or two passes and I'll look at something, and i'll connect it to what I just heard and it would be horrifically accurate...

even now, they were making comments, about what I was just typing...right after I typed the word comments, I heard 'dad' say 'no we weren't'

I woudlnt' be worried like this if the 'voices' were really dumb, or a voice i've never heard before...its like everybody is ACTING...its not planned, they just know what to do, everytime

I know this is stupid, but I think I'm going to have a big problem starting college, oh btw, I got a xanax .5mg and I felt calm, like my horrible thoughts, didn't bother me, I don't remember hearing 'voices' either...

what the xanax gave me was RELIEF!!

this post has to be really hard to comprehend, sorry

anybody else with me?

oh and lately i've been taking my zyprexa 10mg...I still heard them..It made it not SO nerve racking to be experiencing this..

I think I might do good on this combo, effexor( I want to try nardil)
ritalin, benzo, antipsychotic

Raveno wrote:oddly though, it triggers when I smoke weed, or does it expand my awareness?

I think it, like, puts your brain into a state that it shouldn't be in - A super-aware state. Too much of this, however, will just end up damaging your brain cells (not good!).

Raveno wrote:also something weird, last night I had a dream repeat three times, same dream everybody was after me, including my parents, they were relentless in trying to catch me..but only after I 'realize' that people reading minds is normal and I accept it, and I deny it, they start chasing and trying to kill me.

That could be the drugs at play again. Paranoia is a well-known side-effect of many illicit drugs. How often do you smoke weed?; and were you on a high when making that post?

http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=81556

that describes me, I find that smoking weed surfaces the gay in me...

the reason why I asked if it expanded my awareness is that, I found out that 'my friends' weren't my friends after all 10 years..so now I don't know what to believe..i don'[t know the dept of communication between people...like I don't know what I'm communicating to them, and what they are communicating to me...like them being 'fake' and I have to solve the puzzle on the spot

I was high through some parts of this post (copy/paste from another forum)

here is something else thats weird...this morning was a chance to see if it was them or not, (I had the house all to myself) and nope no 'voices'...weird

Hi,

I read the post you made on the other forum and have this to ask: Do your 'friends' know that you're gay? Whatever the case, people drift apart all of the time and, whilst they might have been your friends in the past, maybe now you have grown in a different direction from them. I mean, maybe you should seek out a new group of friends that you can relate to more.

What do you think?

thats not me in the other thread, and I don't have any friends, I 'did' but they I was a 'scapegoat', thats what my therapist says, 10 years of ridicule (and continuing) without my awareness...its hard trying to think about what I did wrong, and what thoughts are faulty..

its hard trying not to torture my self with degenerative thoughts associated with life it self

its hard trying to live in a world that you figured out is planned out for your torture...in appearance its lovely, oh so nice, but when my back is turned, stab stab, rinse and repeat

I know I repeated myself a million times in this thread, but I'm so desperate for somebody to think for me...

but i'm good tho bc I found out the show was called squidbillies..haha

Squidbillies is a funny cartoon, though extremely f'd up.

Same thing happens to me when I smoke weed. Well not exactly but close.

I can't smoke weed around people, I'm sure they're thinking about me, how I'm too high, and and an idiot, etc...

So I don't smoke anymore.

It can lead to chroncic depression and parinoia in the long run also. These things I already have, don't need more of.

Raveno wrote:its hard trying to live in a world that you figured out is planned out for your torture...in appearance its lovely, oh so nice, but when my back is turned, stab stab, rinse and repeat

That's not true though - Sure, the world that you have experienced so far has been cruel to you, but that doesn't mean that there isn't a world - a life - out there that you can be happy in. Friendships are transient and the only friends that I had growing up used me. In college, the ones I met I always felt were different from me. Id' go out with them, but I'd never talk because I wasn't interested in them.

You cannot let people think for you right now. You will have to start thinking for yourself if you want to make progress in life. otherwise, you will always just follow people around and never be happy.

Kevin

what I really meant by living a life planned out for you, is that, hell is called earth, and I must try and figure out why i'm on earth (hell) or just live through the torture(thought broadcasting)

I know this sounds silly, but its hard not to listen to people's voice when you can't see them, and its especially hard not to listen when its your thoughts, or comments on my experience

Raveno wrote:what I really meant by living a life planned out for you, is that, hell is called earth, and I must try and figure out why i'm on earth (hell) or just live through the torture(thought broadcasting)

I know this sounds silly, but its hard not to listen to people's voice when you can't see them, and its especially hard not to listen when they are about/are my thoughts, or comments on my experience(commentary)

Hey Raveno,

This is going on with a few people I know. There's not really a name for it because different people find support in various groups that have their own names for what's happening.

Anyway, I'm including a link to a forum that's now closed that might be helpful. Read with an open mind: http://forum.noblerealms.org/viewtopic.php?id=5026

If you want/need to talk, feel free.