can this really be schizophrenia?

hi im new to this board and have been really bothered by some mental problems ive been experiencing. ill try to be as honest and accurate as i can in describing what im feeling. ive had really bad suicidal depression and anxiety disorders since i watched my father die slowly in pain from cancer when i was 8 years old. i was always a social outcast and never had many friends and was always depressed by this. i recently found out my mother has cancer and this was reeally a breaking point for me. i have used marijuana for 4 monthes now, while using it heavily for 2 monthes. and recently ive had panic attacks and have had some problems with memory (i know its probably because of the marijuana use). i have had problems paying attention and remebering simple tasks like taking the trash out. but in the past few weeks ive had wierd delusional feelings, (not hallucinations or false beliefs) but rather me having the mindset of and thinking as if i were living in around 2000, the time my father died. i know it sounds wierd , but i havent lost contact with reality, (i know that its a delusional feeling) i just all of a sudden, lets say ,hear a song from that era, i will start remebering my father dying and thinking like i am living back then. the thing thats the worst tho, aside from the delusion itself is my paranoia about it, and thinking that i am going crazy or have to be institutionalized and that i have psychosis. i am quitting marijuana absolutley 100% sure, and seeing a professional about this , but i was wondering if any of you could give me some insight on what might be going on. any comments are greatly appreciated.

So sorry to hear about your mother (and your father). It's an awful thing to have to deal with (((hugs))).

Losing someone close to you is always hard to deal with. In your caase, not only do you have the reality of your mothers illness, but also all the pain and grief losing your father brought you. I'd be surprised if you weren't suffering right now. Your mum's illness is bound to bring up old memories and open old wounds... what you're going through sounds like a normal reaction to what must be terrible stress.

Depression and anxiety can cause very psychotic-like symptoms. Worrying about going crazy will make that worse. You're not going crazy; you're reacting in a normal way to immense stress and pain. You're dealing with your mother's illness in the here and now, but also dealing with painful memories that her illness has dragged up for you.

You might find grief counselling helpful; lots of places run group therapy meetings, or maybe you could find a therapist to work with you on a one-to-one basis.

I can so relate to what you say about the songs; I heard a song played on the radio the other day that I last heard playing in the car on the way to my grandfather's funeral. It was like being picked up on some huge wind and thrown back to that day. We often make subconcious associations like that that we don't even realise exist until something triggers a memory we didn't even know we had. It can leave us fearing that we're losing our minds... but in fact it's a very normal thing.

Good to hear you're giving up marijuana - smoking that certainly won't help. It can cause all sorts of anxiety issues, and even psychotic-like symptoms, so stopping that is a really good idea.

I hope you can find a good therapist; the more you talk through the feelings you have, the easier things will get, I'm sure. Stay strong; you'll get through this.

You're right, there is no way that the marijuana isn't bringing out symptoms. Most people would have trouble dealing with what you've been through and you can't be blamed for smoking weed but it's definitely increasing your problems. It increases the amount of dopamine in the brain which is one of the causes of schizophrenia.

Good luck with quitting!