Is my Internal Chatter “Normal”

I’m not sure if I hear things but I do, kind of.

It’s not like when memories pop into my mind or my internal dialog. It’s also not daydreaming. Sometimes I have random things just on the cusp of actually “hearing” them yet I know they aren’t real. Like a saxophone, the sound of Siri saying the word ‘seven’ in an English accent or a toddler babbling unintelligibly. There is no connection to anything in my regular life but they are there. I just ignore them and have for years. But they happen on a daily basis. It doesn’t even bother me so Ive never told my therapist. However, that might have to do with my fear of being schizophrenic. For as long as I have known what it was I’ve always been haunted by this fear of that particular diagnosis.

There has also been a few other odd things that I have no idea what they are. It’s the textbook definition of possession if you believe in that sort of thing (I don’t). Basically, a few random times it’s like I have no control over what I’m saying or doing and am merely watching from my mind what I’m doing and saying. I have no more idea what I’m going to do or say than if I were the person standing next to me. It’s led to some random answers to questions, some swearing, and a ton of embarrassment. Like one time I was telling someone how I always brush my teeth for at least six minutes and was telling him how to brush his teeth (quite incorrectly, I might add). He gave me this disgusted look, said something insulting and walked away while I was left standing there in shock to recover from ‘taking control’ again. What can you do in that situation? It’s shocking, confusing and terrifying. Thankfully it’s so rare that I can only count incidents like that on one hand.

Last thing is the talking. See, there have been a few times when my X husband would react as if I’d just said something when I hadn’t. For years I thought he was ######6 with me, trying to make me feel crazy. There was only once I kind of believed him and that was because he was so clearly rattled. I was pregnant and cooking (not barefoot, thank you). He burst in to ask what had just happened. He was freaked out. I gave him this look of pure confusion. I was just standing there. He told me I’d screamed at the top of my lungs that I was going to lose the baby (I did a few weeks later actually). Other times he would insist I’d just said something when I clearly hadn’t spoken; even in a whisper. But after we parted I had an incident where my brother said the same thing. He piped his head up confused and was like, “What?!” I kinda looked around confused. He wouldn’t tell me what he’d heard me say but insisted I’d spoken but I remember just sitting there. I wasn’t even talking. No time lapses or anything, just me apparently talking when I remember not talking or screaming or crying.

Odd, right?

The hearing of the saxophone, the babbling of a toddler, and things like that could just keep coming up because you heard them somewhere along the line, and you keep thinking of them. Is it the exact same notes being played on the saxophone, and the exact same babbling sounds of the toddler? I'm not an expert, but all my sounds were always different. I went through similar things, albeit I also heard voices.

If it's something that doesn't bother you, then I wouldn't bring it up with your therapist. There's no point in going after a symptom that doesn't bother you and isn't hurting you. If it does start to become a bother, think about telling your therapist. They're there to help you, and they're experts in mental health.

They are always different and random. Those sounds happened just before I wrote the post. I can tune these noises out so I do. I don’t plan on seeking any kind of diagnosis. I really just wanted to know if other people had a similar experience. I’m a naturally curious person. What exactly is the difference between hearing voices and imagination? If you hear something but know it isn’t real is that imagination? Is the ability to control what you hear imagination? In that case there are plenty of daydreams where I have no idea what’s coming as I like to call them my “movie dreams”. I have such vivid and elaborate dreams at night as well. There are amazing story ideas locked away in me.

This is probably your own mind, as for possession well you probably wouldn't be here asking for help.
Random noise in your own mind if that would be how you describe then work on having some level of control over it preferably without causing issues.