I feel like I've lost my ego... can anyone relate?

I don't know how else to explain it, I feel like a big part of me has died. I've lost the ability to establish and express myself as a person, at least in my mind I have. The "I" that I thought I knew holds no meaning anymore, neither do the people around me. Some days I wake up, and I don't know who I am, where I am, or even what I am. It's like there is no me, there is only all and I am a part of that all and nothing more. What I see around me are these strange faces and fake emotions, and I can do nothing but feed off the overwhelming energy they give off, which leaves me emotionally numb. The biggest thing that puzzles me is, how does one get out of this? I honestly have no recollection of how I was before any of this happened, it's like this is the only existence I know of and anything else seems strange. It's hard for me to talk to therapists about this because I really have no basis of comparison. I guess the reason I posted this was to see if maybe anyone else has felt this way?

Hey.. These last few days/weeks I've also had some issues with ego loss tho so far worsening relationships with others is the only negative aspect of it - much less severe, in no way not knowing who I am; but somehow I don't have any wishes of my own, or wishes to have/build/defend my identity, state clearly what I am and what I am not.

I have in the past lost my ego completely but that was due to a psychedelic experience (induced) and at that time I found these links helpful..

http://www.shroomery.org/4018/Howto-Ego-Death

http://www.shroomery.org/9095/What-is-ego-loss

I understand that experiencing this without wanting to and without a particular reason is very different and can be very stressful and unpleasant and definitely makes 'normal life' difficult, if not impossible; but perhaps it's the same experience, the only difference being one is induced and one comes naturally.

mystica wrote:Hey.. These last few days/weeks I've also had some issues with ego loss tho so far worsening relationships with others is the only negative aspect of it - much less severe, in no way not knowing who I am; but somehow I don't have any wishes of my own, or wishes to have/build/defend my identity, state clearly what I am and what I am not.

I have in the past lost my ego completely but that was due to a psychedelic experience (induced) and at that time I found these links helpful..

http://www.shroomery.org/4018/Howto-Ego-Death

http://www.shroomery.org/9095/What-is-ego-loss

I understand that experiencing this without wanting to and without a particular reason is very different and can be very stressful and unpleasant and definitely makes 'normal life' difficult, if not impossible; but perhaps it's the same experience, the only difference being one is induced and one comes naturally.

I've experienced psychedelic ego loss before, but this is different, I guess I would say its more of a de-personalization, I remember things, like they ring a bell, but I don't quite know what to do with them.

(Y) (Y)

I think I know what you're talking about.

Everytime I bump into this matter I say to myself ''bahh like anything matters anyways.. in the province of the mind what is perceived to be true..(is true or becomes true)....''

But I guess it does matter. At least that's what people are trying to tell me. Dunno about you, I've decided to choose a career where I can work in solitude and as long as my brain works, my work will be appreciated no matter how I look or what I think.

Eastern religions such as Buddhism, Taoism, Yoga teach that destroying the ego and reaching oneness with the universe is entirely the goal. But now that I've reached that goal, I've obtained a rather uninspired flat effect. Ego for me was associated with anxiety and suffering and so I really had no choice but to destroy it. I just exist, and no longer really have aspirations or goals. Becoming "one" with the moment is essentially like being stuck in a mindless zone...but that's what Zen wanted right? For the world to disappear? Now I find myself trying to get back to some form of ego, just so I can pretend like I have some objective in life. Could this be why the West was so wary of Eastern ideas? Is this why China distances themselves from thought forms which originated in their own lands? I'm not sure. It's sorta comfortably numb to be where I'm at...like the Pink Floyd song, but without the great guitar solos and beautiful melody lines.

Jesus I'm a newbie on this forum but I feel like I can relate to each of these posts so I reply to everyone

@Arc
Same here; my solution to it, try to remember what it was that you liked doing before everything became all too complicated - like drawing, watching movies, skiing, whatever. You will find that if you return to these activities, at first it'll be weird but then you'll start enjoying it more than before, your new worldview will open new horizons to you.

As far as I know eastern philosophy teaches that once you attain it you don't 'bail' on this physical reality. Buddha didn't sit under the tree or ramble around forever. He taught others - how to lead a better life (he did however leave a wife and a son (2?) behind, but who cares right xD).

Western philosophy serves western leaders so it will teach whatever it has to to keep people working for them without asking questions. Sitting in the park, appreciating life doesn't make you just as needy and obedient as an employer would want. Too bad it's this mentality which made a significant advancement in technology (tho its greatest scientists have all been humble folks).

Mystica, I'm better in control of myself than I ever have been, but the danger lies in the empty spaces between activities. Sometimes I'll lose track of what I should be doing, or what I told myself I'd like to be doing, and having ego loss places me in a greater susceptibility for losing my way and ending up as a brainless servant of someone else (where I'm presently at). It's really all about posturing yourself to be set up in the right industry/field/job position/endeavor so you can utilize the virtues of your ego loss for the best possible outcome. It's sorta like Jerry Garcia being high on LSD working at a gas station selling chips and smokes rather than on stage tuned in with his guitar, making music to millions of people while leading them on a voyage beyond the stars. If you're in front of the canvas with all your art materials ready when the LSD kicks in...then BOOM, you're bound to make magic...but if you're somewhere else, stuck in the in-between, in no-man's land, wandering around alone, broken, displaced, unloved, misunderstood...then your LSD trip is going to land you in jail or a mental ward. Yes, this society is much to blame in how it's set up...so getting to where you need to be to ENJOY THE FRUITS OF YOUR EGO LOSS is the monumental challenge.

Ha, I was thinking about getting a small tattoo on my hand to remind me to stop this

lose track of what I should be doing, or what I told myself I'd like to be doing, and having ego loss places me in a greater susceptibility for losing my way and ending up as a brainless servant of someone else

from happening. I also make many too many lists. I always get all these ideas of what I should be doing and then realize I should be going to bed first, when I wake up I never do it.

I was thinking physics to keep me from deteriorating mentally, do you think it could help me with abstractions? I already draw, I even got into some groups of people who make psychedelic art. So I need something besides that. I plan to make music but I'd never perform infront of alot of people (anxiety/paranoia ).

Mystica I live in Las Vegas in a room in a house with 3 other people. I built all my own furniture using standard 2x12's. I also started assembling a very potent library of textbooks from local library and second hand store called Savers. I have no time for fiction, so I mostly buy books that teach me subjects. I have an awesome textbook on University Physics along with multiple Physics study manuals, and hardcover book on DC electrical theory. I also have books on Police Officer instruction, mathematics, algebra, calculus, and english grammar. Yes. You should pick up some textbooks on physics and jump in and begin studying. Focusing the mind on subjects does wonders to sharpening your intellect and losing all the problems you thought you suffered from. Yes it takes mental effort to stay focused, but you'll love the results once you begin getting lost in that learning "zen".

Las Vegas? Cool! Must be crazy, with all those lights and everything... I been doing that (studying from random scientific books of interest) ever since I dropped out (of chemistry). Used to live in the capital with a roommate right next to me and it was kinda weird cause he was mostly playing computer games all day long. I somehow can't make myself read fiction (I know I should). And guess what I also built my own furniture, out of cardboard (lol). I can send you a pic. It looks funny.