Feel Isolated

Hello everyone

I am new here and just wanted to see if anyone has experienced this type of thing before cause I feel very isolated right now. Im sorry if this is all disjointed but i cant think properly as i have just had a horrible experience which is what I will talk about and am writing down the thoughts as they come. Sorry if its long.

I have been diagnosed with schizophrenia by four separate psychiatrists and Schizo-affective Depressive type by one psychiatrist over the space of about 4 years.
I am taking Abilify 20mg and Citalopram 40mg and have been on that dose for about 7 months, Over the years the dosage has been raised and lowered.
I am starting to feel like I did before I began my treatment.


Recently i keep having extreme feelings of disassociation accompanied by a strange visual thing where everything starts to go dark then what i am seeing kind of morphs into something else and goes fuzzy with strong colors. I find myself unable to get a hold of my thoughts and can't speak or explain what is going on to the people around me. I get very odd thoughts which a bizarre in their randomness, they switch between going a million miles an hour to being obsessive and they are frightening because of the images attached to them that are in my head. I have noticed that during these experiences my thoughts become very paranoid in nature IE.
I believed at the time that I was dead and everybody around me wasn't real and I was in another place other than where reality is, I am being watched by somebody all time who is ridiculing me. After this experience I feel incredibly low and guilty about something. I also get thoughts of self harm like cutting my arms off from the elbow down and stuff like pulling my guts out.
I haven't seen my psychiatrist for about 2 months, so i have not been able to tell them about this.

Anyway what I am asking is if anyone else has had things similar to this before cause i have never really been to support groups or forums so i don't know other peoples experiences.

Thanks

hey buddy, Sorry your not feeling to well. I know it's hard but keep telling yourself all that non-sense isn't real. listen to some happy music if you can, just kinda do happy stuff till you can see a pdoc asap. They might change your meds around and you might feel better. Just try to stay positive and if need be goto the ER. Deffinetly call your psychologist in the morning. Stay strong!

I've had visions of drilling into my temple to stop the voices and thoughts that I have...kinda of a self labatomy....as a schizophrenic these are the cards ive been dealt.....what can you do?

Sometimes I get so deep in my psychosis I also feel isolated to the point I think that im the only person like this.But I am not and neither are you for reasons beyond my comprehension God made me and others with a mental disorder. At times I feel so hopeless that I just want the world to end now.Then I eventually come back to reality enough to remember that others are coping with the same thing and that gives me some strength to make it another day.I also enjoy reading Bible scripture and the interpretations of scripture by others on Christian web sites.This isn't the first mental health site i've frequented and unfortunately it seems a popular view on religion is generally negative as most ask if there really is a God why'd he make me like this? for me its different I find comfort in God maybe you will to.God Bless You

Hi there. I'm new here too. Actually alot of what you described is similar to what I experience. I feel really isolated because it's been almost 4 years since I left my home. I'm on invega sustenna, and my posative symptomshave improved a great deal since I started. The voices and visions are still there, but muted. My negative symptoms are still making it really hard though. I still feel depressed, unmotivated, and apathetic to my surroundings most of the time. My dx is schizoaffective with depressed subtype. My doctor explained it is pretty much paranoid schizophenia with depression. Most of my old friends just ignore me or treat me like I have the plague, leading me to feel more isolated. Prayers