Scared off my crush due to my negative symptoms.

He knows I'm Schizoaffective.

But when I started having my thought disorder act up, and going catatonic, he was... afraid.

And not in a good, sexy way (I'm a bit of a sadist lol.)

He's very understanding, and is big in the disability rights community (he's autistic and has ADD). But like. I just really didn't want him to see me in such a messed-up state that I just ran off and told him to text me.

I'm humiliated.

I was going to spend the day with him.

Instead, I was hypomanic and creepy when I could speak, catatonic intermittently, and occasionally speaking absolute jumbled sentences.



I'm better than this. I don't want the guy I want to spend my life with to see me at my weakest point, you know?

You've gotta have someone you can count on during bad "phases" of your disease. Someone who will try to help you through it or urge you to get help if needed. You need to be completely open and honest with this person even when you're having an episode. If this person is who you want to spend your life with then I would stop running away. He needs to know the difference between a healthy and unhealthy you.

This is why I am usually completely upfront about my illnesses before going on dates, because this kind of thing happens all the time for me. My last boyfriend reassured me over and over that he could handle my symptoms and at first seemed interested in a healthy way, but then it changed a little bit and he started to dismiss what I was saying. Eventually I had to spend a lot of time away from him just so I could unwind and he didn't understand that. I suppose it was my own fault that I neglected the relationship, but at the same time he said he could handle everything. I've been trying to work on my empathy with others because I severely lack it when it comes to the people I'm supposed to care about in my life, but I think I just piss people off. Specifically my ex.

I guess in the end we should just be honest with others and ourselves about our illnesses and then watch for warning signs that they aren't handling it well. If it can't be solved through communication, then ending the relationship before it gets too difficult is probably the best solution. For schizophrenics, working on our ability to communicate I think is our biggest flaw. But if you've done all you can and nothing helps, it's best to move on.

Sorry I can't be of more help.