A Veteran.

Hello. I'm Toro from Mexico. I'm 30 years old and i've been diagnosed with schizophrenia 12 years ago. I'm or I were certified with a really high IQ (187) and I've been through every anti-psycothic out there. But none of them has been able to make the voices and delusions go away.

So I have learned (or that was iI thought) to ignore them and convince my mind that everything it's an illusion and very few things are real. And it has worked for me for 12 years. And by "worked" I mean that i haven't done a fool of myself in public for a long time. Of course i've had crisis recently and some really bad ones but I'm here opening my heart to you.

I'm tired of struggling to make a difference between what's real and what's not. It isn't worth it. Here i am with 30 years over my shoulders and i'm completely alone, without friends, never had a girlfriend and all my dreams shattered.

My paranoia seems to be in control when i'm alone. But as soon as i try to meet someone it explodes and makes me believe that everyone is trying to kill me. The voices become stronger and i just go blank trying to supress them and literally look like a zombie because the fight in my mind.

I'm tired of fighting these disease and I'm tired of everything.... I just want a normal life, a wife and kids, a success business. I just want a life. I'm tired.

Psychotic episodes can sometimes be caused by sensitivities to particular foods. Have you tried removing casein and gluten from your diet and making it more well-rounded?? I've been on a gluten-free and casein-free diet and my symptoms of paranoia and psychosis have diminished significantly. Exercise helps also.

Another really weird thing I can't explain is a feeling of comfort and wellness when I go to church.

You should try going to church at least once to see how it makes you feel.

helo toro, i'm 25 this year... and i've been struggling with psychosis since i was 13... so we might be in the same boat... i've been diagnosed with schizophrenia when i was 16 when i dropped out from secondary school... and have been living on meds now 9 years.

i think its pretty common for your delusions to never go away... my delusions have never gone away... and i've been confused all my life... and when it comes girls that's another matter... i too have the same hope and desires of marriage and having children...

i think you should find a passion... something you could invest all your energy in and commit a lifetime to... since you're IQ is like Einstein's i think finding a passion and actually excelling at it will be easy...

i only have an average IQ and having a focus in life.... changes everything... i think you should give it a shot... once you have something to invest your whole life in... life brightens... and everything else becomes a small matter in comparison...

hope you get better soon.. give it a shot and best wishes