Im in a quandry.

Hi all im new here on the board.

Ive been recently trying to find out what is wrong with me compared with the rest of society.

I am in quite a state as i have no ambitions and no desires for anything at all. This results in my pain as i do not want to dissapoint my family but cannot do anything else. I am unemployable as i do not have any desire to get a job or keep a job if i do get one. I have no commitments to anything and have been like this since i was a child.

I avoid nightclubs at all costs and do not look people in the eye.

I do have freinds but none of them i would consider really close.
I have several female freinds several of which i realise now have looked me in the eye in an intimate way but i do not see it and they just take it that im not interested. Every time this happens i do nothing. I look at them as if their body language doesnt exist. I only realise this long after i have talked with them.
Even if i try and force myself to be intimate it is a big farce and i end up having to deny the situation or trying to explain to the girl that i have no desire for any sort of intimate relationship let alone sex. The quandry is that i really really badly want to end this nightmare and be able to love and to feel warmth but instead i can only feel what is described as agitated tedium. I am bored because i do not do anything but i do not have the desire to do anything its a huge paradox.

Some people often try and talk to me but i come back withsomething completley unrelated to what they have said because i have gone off on a mental thought process and i skip a few lines of the conversation in my head and say something that they cannot understand. This often happened when i had a job or when i am at formal occasions. The outcome is the same at both. People think i am odd, I accept that i am odd, I do do silly things.
I dont believe in social constraints and i have always done as i pleased in any situation regardless of concequence.

The only emotions i seem to feel is sadness generated everytime my father tries to talk to me about where my life is going. I know where my life is going but i cannot do anything about it.

Only a few days ago i got headbutted by a drunken yob trying to start a fight with me. I did nothing just stood there looked slightly to the right of him.

He span out and walked away.

has anyone else here managed to find ambition after losing it?

Id love to hear similar experiences or advice?
I have not been diagnosed but i am pretty sure i am a schizoid or schizotypal. Should i seek treatment?

I have read about telekenises and clairvoyancy and meditational techniques and other stuff like that. I have even had very strange perceptual experiences when meditating.

I read about the schizoid characteristics and i think i met almost all of them. This is not good for me. But i wish to try and break this cycle of incredible boredom of life.

Thanks for listening.

Hoz

I avoid nightclubs and don't look people in the eye

how the hell could you avoid "nightclubs"??...ever been to the real dark ones with gothic lazer lighting

I on the contrary__love the art of looking people in the eyes, unless what I see is disturbing

now that I have read all of what you typed__I must say that you sound more like the "living dead" than I do

Why thank you very much!.

Im not really the living dead but i do not have certain functions that "normal humans" have. It is a benefit in someways as i am not affected very much by emotions and effects such as fear, confusion in an emergency situation i have very high levels of perception into what people are doing and for what reasons. I also can strategise quite well. A lot of people span out about me including my parents because of my apparent rediculos resolve and various unethical plans.

If you looked me in the eye (got shot only the one now .( ) i dont know what you'd see. I suppose id just look past\through you like i do anyone else. I did not cry or get depressed from losing my eye i just screamed four times from the initial shock and then said to the marshall "i'm blind" Then lay on the floor and threw up as a result of going into shock.

I think this is what happens when you play computer games for ever when you were a child. You dont learn the emotion \human factor in socialising. You only learn and train skills used to play different video games.

Are you a diagnosed schizoid?

It doesnt sound like you are.

I also think that the idea of having a mental disorder is only from a point of view that everyone has the same personality and mental construction. Like anyone who says to me "why cant you be normal"
I just turn around and say "define normal"

I wonder if i were meant for greater things sometimes. Surely this cannot be all.

Oh and i detest nightclubs.

How can you just go up and ask to be ###$?
Without even knowing the girl or boy?

I dont really see sex as more of a function for reproducing. There is no reason for me to go and try and pull a girl which means financial expenditure and social skills usually beyond my capabilities.

The only time i would consider having sex and meaning it is if i met a girl with such a beautiful mind and could see things on the same level as i do and we could get together for life to do the whole family thing (maybe thats the cure for me i dont know). I only know of one girl that has that sort of mindset (alas taken). They are rare nowadays.
So many girls have been bamboozled by the media and social pressures to conform to the "socially acceptable" woman image (that doesnt exist).It doenst matter what group your from Townie goth skater punk trendy whatever you still have been told how to think,dress and what is cool etc. You have been generalised\stereotyped as it were. Perhaps this is so marketers can create goods that they know a certain audience will love and therefore make a huge profit on.
How can you cater to \extract money from people if you dont know what they want\like.

I denied anyone telling me what or how to think. My mind is my own. Maybe thats the problem, Perhaps so many peoples minds have been taken from them and manipulated into "conforming" that the free spirited individuals have become a minority. Now being cast negatively by creating a label for them such as "Mental disorder". In that they havent conformed to any of the social norms and\or that they arent willing to work and be a part of the big system. Kinda like pink floyd!

I dont believe i am crazy. I just do whatever the hell i want whenever the hell i want doesnt matter what anyone thinks. If i dont want to do it it doesnt get done and thats final unless i see that its in my best interests.

The problem ive been having recently is that i dont want to do anything but i am bored with doing nothing and have an agitated feeling inside me.
That is what will make me crazy.

hmm...( )__I see and know your point of view__but just don't dare question my legilibility ever again

and what you've said in response to the whole "night club" issue is just so freaking hilarious , I mean how can you just presume something so out of line

thats like saying all satanic-vampyric cults only have sex, drink blood, and invoke diabolic forces

First off id like to say that i simplified things about going to nightclubs i didnt mean that you would litterally go up to a person in a night club and say do you want to be ###$, but that is all that is really happening if you look at the objectives of the conversation between two people, i was also talking about the more mainstream clubs that townies and trendies go to im sure you know the ones. Such superficial attitudes. do you see what i mean by being told what and how to think? I do not see the attraction of going to a place getting half deafnd and not even being able to talk to someone without shouting. I am a quiet person and i like quiet places that is all.

How dare i question you? Did i question you or mearly make my observation regarding what you have posted? Why would you go to a nightclub just for the loud music and atmosphere and to spend a lot more money on getting drunk when you could simply go down to the offlicence get some spirits for a lot cheaper. I am not slandering your preferences but mearly stating my opinion.

Do not take this the wrong way it doesnt matter how you dress at all but are you dressed in gothic attire to be different? Just like all the other "goths"? I dont think you can be truly different on the outside apart from your physical features but on the inside you can be as different as you like. I have a few gothic freinds so please dont think i am goth bashing or something.

Why do you think my statement about nightclubs is hilarious?

Vampyric nightclubs as far as im aware are just another business to extract money out of a different audience. If they were like you said im sure theyd be shut down pretty quickly.

Im talking about the interpersonal situations and settings not the actual clubs themselves as well.

It is an opinion. why should i be embarresed about it?

Lovely. Now this thread is going to be all about NW.
Well, at least her goal was achieved.

How can i presume something so out of line? out of line with what?
What else is a club for if not to meet people to date or have sex with based on appearance alone? Do you see the problems i have with understanding the human factor here? I believe that you have to get to know a persons innermost minds before you can have any sort of relationship with them. I am not ugly or anything and have plenty of interest from women that i meet but that dies out as soon as they realise im not interested with that vacant stare.

I do not really appreciate being called the living dead as i dont regard myself as a "zombie" i am certainly not braindead just emotionally dead or near dead. As i said before this gives me some huge benefits as well as negative effects. Being emotionally cold allows me to think of and about things where "normies" fear to tread. It also allows me to see bigger pictures with various things.

You dont have to answer this if you feel it is too personal but how old are you? I am 20 years old.

All i asked was were you diagnosed?
I havent been as i have only just researched what i could have.

From what i can see i cannot understand how a person with SPD would enjoy clubbing?

Please enlighten me.

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