i..am..crazy

ok, ive taken many tests and many of them i have taken multiple times...
each time they say i show high results for schizoid.

i cannot argue... ive been this way for seven years and it has been hard to have any kind of relationship at all. whats sad is, i really want one. everytime im at school, all i hear when people talk to me is blahblahblah and i just nod my head affirmatively even if they are asking me a question because i dont care. i try to care but i cant find it in me. i need help with that. everytime i try to care i carry out an obvious fake of an emotion and everyone that notices thinks "huh? wdf? he got probs? hes confused.."

well,

being the INTJ that i am, i think that there is a wormhole somewhere that i can get out of this schizoid place by just analyzing the socially impressive people's behaviours and so i have successfully identified patterns in social behavior that allow me to be funny at any given moment i choose so, given that i fully comprehend the social environment around me. ok wdf am i saying? you say? *sigh* oh well... even if i said it dumber noone woudl care anyway

well sinse i just rambled off, i was trying to make a point that i am making progress and i actually am starting to feel involved every now and then in a conversation, but it is still not enough. every now and then i would compare myself to the social stature of others and realize, wow i really am lame for being so unemotional. and i try so hard and i just cant be fully emotional like everyone else is. that is my goal. well ive seemed to reach a standstill which tells me logically that i still dont have something right.

ok i still cant communicate the real point i am trying to make. its rough, never have i ever been able to explain myself or any idea of mine well. (when trying to explain myself, i confuse myself trying to constantly stop and think how to interpret this.. aaah whatever i dont care!!)

but the main thing im trying to say is, does anyone know of a cure... not an instant, but like maybe any kind of cure like a thinking cure (i.e. i hear people say fantasizing helps schizoid become -normal- slowly).

what makes me also think i am weird, i can be around someone for a while and for maybe thirty minutes afterwards i will talk and think exactly like them, that is, until i meet someone else. that is why i call myself the "chameleon" in one of my poems-always changing colors to match its surroundings, but alone, has no color of its own. that is me


like ok WHAT THE F is wrong with me. maybe im not even schizoid. i dont know what it is, but id just like a brief definition and maybe the best suggested cures for it. i am a determined person once i set goals so i wont stop once i start trying simple cures.

i just realized i probably typed up a whole mb worth of text. omg.

i hate being an INTJ i think too much and it makes me confuse myself with rushing thoughts mixed with analytical re-reading of what i wrote and putting myself in the viewer's place. then i think "wow i am making no sense" and its like i go back to typing and i get even more frustrated by not having this thing in any kind of order at all. its all a bunch of mesh!! aaaah i neeedd heelp god!!

see the confused thing that youre talking about? like how you cant explain ideas well? im like that too -- dont worry about it hehe

um, i dont think there is a cure for being schizoid. if you are, i suggest that you just learn to accept it and cope with it as best you can. if you accept yourself as you are then maybe things will work out better for you. you could try cognitive behaviour therapy to help with social interaction and all i guess. well, i would suggest CBT -- it seems to be the most effective. -- S

Why do you want to be like everyone else? Are you really unhappy the way you are, or do you believe you should be unhappy because you are not emotional and are different than others?

i cannot argue... ive been this way for seven years and it has been hard to have any kind of relationship at all. whats sad is, i really want one. everytime im at school, all i hear when people talk to me is blahblahblah and i just nod my head affirmatively even if they are asking me a question because i dont care. i try to care but i cant find it in me. i need help with that.

So you desire a relationship but don't care what people say to you? Is it due to disinterest regarding the subject matter or what?

You talk of schizoidism as though it is a disease. It seems that you do not have it seeing as you take on what others have to say, their behavior, etc. Try finding your own individuality.

Im also in a bit of a situation as well. Id love to have a relationship with a woman deep inside but i know i do not have the social skills to do that therefore i do not try and since i have become void of desiring sex which is now the norm. I think our only hope is to find other people that think along the same mindset path that we do.

So rare nowadays.

I have another paradox. I am bored of doing nothing in my life but i have no ambition to do anything.

I found a few things that help. Acceptance is one like siren said.

I also meditate. When you go to bed and everything is silent. Try thinking of nothing and concentrate on thinking of nothing.
Its hard to do but i found a way to do it. I focus on the electric noise of my own brain. The sound is like tinitus (ringing ears) but a higher pitch and comes from your mind not your ears. Just listen to this and only this and i find it very relaxing. When you get good you can acheive new levels of consciousness.

Rise above it my freind.

Do you have any ambitions?

I wouldnt worry about feeling lame whilst your at school.

Every thing changed when i went to college. The nerdy\lame kids
became allright and the hard kids were viewed as pricks.

Dont worry about trying to be someone else. The people who you want to be hanging around with are the people who accept your differences.These are the people in my experience that have greater intellects than to go with the herd etc.