Epically Schizoid Moments

One time, I went to this bakery and they had this bell on the door to ring when you entered, but that day the door was already open so I just walked in silently and the server was in the back doing something and didn't know I was there. I remember thinking, "I could say hi and get his attention," but then the thought just stopped there. This wasn't like anxiety or stubbornness where I'm like, "I could say this, but I don't want to." There was no actual consideration of doing so, it was just an observed fact about the world, like thinking "penguins can't fly." I stood there for a minute or two until he finally turned around and was like, Oh! there's someone here.

A couple times a month I go to my favorite pizzeria and order a whole Sicilian pie. I separate the slices and freeze them so I can have pizza whenever I like. There was a new guy working there once and after he gave me the pie, he said "Hope everyone enjoys it."

I took offense.

What's with this everyone crap? I wouldn't ruin my pizza eating experience by having another human present; that's disgusting. It's all for me. Me me me. Mine mine mine.

Besides, I eat like a dog. Come near my food and I will bite you.

Not a schizoid moment as I was actually with friends, but I went to a bakery and ordered three things and the lady gave me extra forks and plates and I was like....no. that's just for me. They're on their own.

To keep this on topic, a common schizoid moment for me is being annoyed when cashiers/servers ask how I'm doing. I'm always like, Can I get -- just as they ask me how I'm doing, and it's like, you're only going to know me for 30 seconds of your life and *I* don't even care what I'm doing, why is this happening?? Let me just order my crap and go.

I was hanging out with someone once when a mutual friend called. They chatted for a while and she tried to hand me the phone, "Hey, it's so-and-so."

I very flatly said, "I have nothing to say to her." Which I meant in the most literal sense. I had nothing to talk to her about and no interest to come up with something. They were both mortified.

I still haven't heard the end of it.

I usually dont notice when people around me do bad things and expect me not to uncover their bad behavior infront of people that matter-

As far as i was taught in school only horrible people do drugs, so i believed it naturally (why would my teachers mislead me when i believe what they say...?)
So when i served in the army people always smoked in the bathroom to avoid geting caught, and i would just scream at them not to smoke there, i kept telling my "bosses" (whats the right word?) how people smoke in the bathroom, once i even called my friend out because his eyes were too red, "are you high man?" in a joking way, he didnt laugh tho haha
And someone talked to me later alone to explain that he was actually high

Lol funny stories here, love this thread

Got another-
Me as a security gaurd, after i took someone's id for typing him in the computer, keeping it untill he leaves the plant:

Someone- you know you arent allowed to take ids right?
Me- thats the job
Him- but its not allowed by law
Me- ok
Him- you shouldnt do that
Me- ok
Him- you cant take my id, i can tell your superviser
Me- ok tell him
Him- i can tell him, its really not ok
Me- i dont care, do what you think, not really my buisness what you do, i just do my job

At that point i think he started to understand i dont care, he didnt quite get it tho...

Another one, also at the job-
Officers come to get one of the workers in the plant, so my job is to write down whatever happend at the shift,
Im asking him for the woman's name
Officer- why?
Me- i have to write it
Officer- you dont have to write it (while im writing)
Me- i do
Him- yeah it doesnt matter you dont need to write it
Me- *still typing* (lol)
Me- so whats her name?
Him- i cant tell you the name
Me- ok im typing that you wont give me a name
Him- you dont have to write it...
Me- *typing*

I was extra zoned out yesterday as I stopped off for petrol at the petrol station.
In a daze I pulled up beside the pump and got out to fill the tank. There was no fuel tank on that side of the car so I drove around the gas station ( did a u-turn ) so i could approach the pump from the other side of the car. Got out again to fill the tank. No tank on that side either had to do another u-turn to align myself on the other side, still no fuel tank. Very embarrassing as there were some workmen parked nearby in a truck. I snapped out of my reverie and had to focus really hard and think.. the fuel tank is on the passenger side. I know this .. I have done it 1000's of times and f'uck it I was parked beside the pump yet again on the driver side. Had to another u-turn before getting it right.
really not sure what happened there. I think, for no reason, I imagined the fuel tank to be somewhere it has never been.
The men were in stitches laughing while pretending not to see anything.

salles wrote:I was extra zoned out yesterday as I stopped off for petrol at the petrol station.
In a daze I pulled up beside the pump and got out to fill the tank. There was no fuel tank on that side of the car so I drove around the gas station ( did a u-turn ) so i could approach the pump from the other side of the car. Got out again to fill the tank. No tank on that side either had to do another u-turn to align myself on the other side, still no fuel tank. Very embarrassing as there were some workmen parked nearby in a truck. I snapped out of my reverie and had to focus really hard and think.. the fuel tank is on the passenger side. I know this .. I have done it 1000's of times and f'uck it I was parked beside the pump yet again on the driver side. Had to another u-turn before getting it right.
really not sure what happened there. I think, for no reason, I imagined the fuel tank to be somewhere it has never been.
The men were in stitches laughing while pretending not to see anything.

I assume you did a u-turn to the other side of the pump you tried to use in the first place, when you turn around in a circle to the same direction the center of the circle will always be in the same side

U should go to the pump on the other side of the road.

Eldror wrote:U should go to the pump on the other side of the road

Good idea !
It appears I am not alone ... just found this. Hope I was not recorded
https://youtu.be/vupgBykQnko

^^^ all this has given me a brilliant idea on how to qualify for disability pension. Shouldn't be hard.