Epically Schizoid Moments

Here's a story you might understand:

I stuck an opaque foil over my bathroom mirror. Every normal person who knows what I look like, and what I've been put through because of what I look like, will, of course, come up with the Only Possible Explanation at once: I simply loathe myself.

No. I did it for other reasons. Here are two I figured out so far:

1) Other people make me nervous, and it got to the point that even my own reflection makes me nervous. I don't like it that everytime I go to the bathroom, I see from the corner of my eye somebody roaming around, and when I turn, this somebody is looking at me. It doesn't help that I know it's only my own reflection.

2) I totally do not loathe myself, rather the opposite: I just know I'm okay, I don't have to check that in the mirror all the time. When I brush my hair and such, I don't stand in front of the mirror anyway, I stand in front of the open window and look into the garden.


Okay, another story:

A pitying coworker told me, I should sit at their table in lunch breaks, because "you always look so sad when sitting there on your own".

The true reason why I was sad was that I was NOT alone. The factory canteen was full of people, because all of us had to take their break at the same time. The canteen also lacked corners to hide in. From every point of the room you could observe every other point of the room. That's where I had to sit and gnaw at my sandwich. Eugh!

Probably not "epic" but here is mine: I go on vacations a lot by myself. People will ask me where I went, who I went with. I'll tell them where, and that I went alone. They will go "Oh, thats sad!" I tell them no, it was great, explain that I'm a really introverted and it feels good to get away alone. They just look puzzled.

In grade and high school I would use my migraines as an excuse to get out of things. Particularly camps. Every year in high school they would go on "retreats" to these lame sounding camps. I wouldn't go and say it was because of my migraines and allergies, all the outdoor activities would trigger my allergies and then my migraines. Everyone was all "Oh I'm sorry you are missing out" while I was secretly rejoicing in not going.

The only really epic one that I can think of was last year I had an episode where I was depersonalized. I felt like I was watching myself outside my body. I looked at myself, my body, and it didn't feel like I was seeing me. I don't even know how to describe it, almost out of body? It was weird.

NiteOwl wrote:Probably not "epic" but here is mine: I go on vacations a lot by myself. People will ask me where I went, who I went with. I'll tell them where, and that I went alone. They will go "Oh, thats sad!" I tell them no, it was great, explain that I'm a really introverted and it feels good to get away alone. They just look puzzled.

In grade and high school I would use my migraines as an excuse to get out of things. Particularly camps. Every year in high school they would go on "retreats" to these lame sounding camps. I wouldn't go and say it was because of my migraines and allergies, all the outdoor activities would trigger my allergies and then my migraines. Everyone was all "Oh I'm sorry you are missing out" while I was secretly rejoicing in not going.

The only really epic one that I can think of was last year I had an episode where I was depersonalized. I felt like I was watching myself outside my body. I looked at myself, my body, and it didn't feel like I was seeing me. I don't even know how to describe it, almost out of body? It was weird.

I have only really had one depersonalization episode that was very short (wel one or two,but they were pretty short) and it was odd. It was sort of ish like being high, but not really. Hard to explain. Like my voice was still in my head, but I had no control and had been put someplace else for a little bit.

It is annoying though when people always assume you are sad......"oh you're not going to go visit people over christmas? why? You must miss home". I don't know why the assumptions always annoy me though. :/ I don't think I like people assuming things.

When I was in university a batch-mate on the same course died in an accident. Being part of a very small class and not really having any excuses to avoid the funeral, I had to go. It was long and tedious and there was far too much emotion on display and even worse being shared around by those attending with lots of unwelcome hugging and crying on shoulders etc. I am sure fellow schizoids will understand why all this made me withdraw into myself occupy myself with my thoughts and fantasies.

I was so completely engrossed in my own thought that as the priest read the last rites and his body was sent into the cremation fire, I was visibly chuckling to myself after remembering a joke about priests. Needless to say there were more horrified faces looking at me than watching the cremation.

I didn't mean to disrespect the poor lad. He was always pleasant to me when I had the need to interact with him and he left me well alone otherwise.

^ Good one!

I was dating a girl in High School. She was boring, but she had big boobs, which was good for my social status at the time. We had spent a whole weekend together and she was beginning to wear thin. I was relieved when Monday came around because I just wanted to chill alone. Then, she called, asking if I wanted to come over and watch a movie with her. Without thinking, I said, "But we just spent the whole weekend together. I don't want to O.D. on you." I honestly thought I was being pragmatic and reasonable.

She didn't.

monk wrote:I was so completely engrossed in my own thought that as the priest read the last rites and his body was sent into the cremation fire, I was visibly chuckling to myself after remembering a joke about priests. Needless to say there were more horrified faces looking at me than watching the cremation.

Happens to me every fudging Funeral I have to go to (that I chuckle at some point about something stupid that I had my thoughts on to avoid all the emotional mess around me.)
I have learned however, to make a face like being about to cry that work to cover my awkward grin.

Recently my best friends Mother died and he talked to me about it. I had to call my home phone from my mobile phone (under the Table) to pretend that there was an emergency at home, so I could get out of the situation.

Sometimes if one of my few friends (who should know it better anyways) whine about something bad happened that day, I, as I don't care, happen to reply things like "Yup, $#%^ happens." without thinking about it.

Here's one that I can remember.
A new family is moving into the recently vacated apartment across the hall. My roommate (extroverted) and I are leaving to go to the park and we end up meeting the father in the parking lot. They commence with the small talk and minor details while I chime in here there with simple responses to make it seem like I'm involved.

Me: "oh yeah?", "interesting", "wow"
...
Father: "Yea, I'm moving in with my wife"... "and my two teenage daughters"
Me: "Ohh, nice!"
Father: (scrunched up face, looks somewhat disturbed and somewhat angry)
Roommate: (senses the awkwardness) "Well we're off to the park, nice to meet you"

Roommate and I hop in the car and then it hits me.
Me: "aw $#%^, that guy probably thinks I'm a pedophile now"

I have many of those...
When I was young my parents forced me to go to social meetings, against my will.
How did I get around it? I made sure they kick me out so it wouldn't be my parents' decision anymore. Worked like a charm.
Can't remember more, too tired and cba....

Our window cleaner comes by on Tuesday evenings to pick up his payment.

One particular evening When it was just me at home I didn't want to answer the door, for reasons that won't need explaining to anyone on this forum! Perfectly nice guy, just didn't wanna answer the door.

So I hid. Behind the curtains.

He kept knocking.

I kept hiding.

He kept knocking.

Eventually I realised that hiding behind the curtains was a bit pointless when the blinds were not shut! He'd been able to see me the whole time!

When he carried on knocking I did the only thing I could do - went to the door and pretended none of this had ever happened, cheerfully giving him his money. Thankfully he played along and cheerfully took his money, never mentioning that he'd seen me hiding from him!

Looking back, he probably thought I just didn't want to pay...

I have 2 good ones.

In 7'th grade, before christmas, we were getting our grades. Because our class was... 'special' (I mean they were terrible students, lol i wasn't better) we had low grades overall.

I still remember how everyone was crying (for too long) , saying how dissapointed they were in themselves, and me just sitting there, wondering what was happeing.

I was sitting next to someone who was crying rivers, and the whole time I was faking empathy (incredibly badly btw) to his sob story of how he worked really hard to get a better grade.

The funny part is that I was actually the one with the lowest grades, and was sitting there, wondering wtf are these people doing (I didn't fail btw, it was extreemly close though).

Another one.

This one happened this year. My grandfather died, and we had to bury him. I was soo not in the mood that I actually tried to get out of it, unsuccessfully.

Eventually, we were in the church, walking by his corpse to say our goodbyes. I remember how there was this long line of people going up to him, grabbing his hands, and crying.

I walk up, and can't help but notice all the exploded capillaries in his face. I literally had a scientific approach to a dead relative (hah).

All the people who were crying made me so uncomfortable, that I just sat in a corner on my own, hoping time would go faster, looking up bursted capillaries, and fantasizing about having some huge break in the case of my grandfather's death (It was a standard seizure btw, and I knew, even then).

Later, we went by his body again, in order to start the burial, and on our way out, my aunts started to cry and yell his name, asking where he was and why did he leave them. I was just hoping I can make it out of the room faster, I was soo uncomfortable with all this emotion being thrown all over the place.

After he was buried, I couldn't stand the "shaking hands ritual", where people supposedly are giving us hope and love that we are missing, (I wonder how many of them knew that I was actually faking every inch of affect that I was supposed to feel, and really unconvincingly let me add) and so I decide to escape home.