I just don't care anymore.

maybe you could see if your psychologist could get you some medicine for the anhedonia... not sure if it will work, but it would be worth a shot.

yeah, i'm usually epically apathetic too, although i usually care very much when someone else needs help... and people being angry at me makes me really upset. other than that, i don't care too much.

vertices wrote:I've lived that kind of lifestyle for almost half of my short life now... the long, cut-and-paste days of the same four white walls that make up the same room, the back-to-back media and other amusements to pass the time, the hours just lying down in bed not tired enough to fall asleep but not really feeling like doing anything else; after even movies and things become too much effort to watch. Refreshing forums, refreshing e-mail accounts, refreshing imageboards, refreshing inactive e-mail accounts, checking things that wouldn't possibly have changed since the last checking, thinking about things that aren't really entertaining to think about. Joining online games and then quickly quitting because they take too much time, even though there's plenty of time to go around. Opening word to write something, starting and closing it, opening paint to draw something, deciding you can't draw and closing it. Sitting at the piano to learn to play something, feel too impatient to get through scales and theory and stuff and getting up. Going for a walk to get moving a bit, deciding you hate people and even your room is better than walks. Lying in weird positions on the floor for indeterminate amounts of time, etc...

I'm having more and more days that are almost exactly like that. It feels like that is the wrong direction to go, but I don't know what to do about it. I'm on my fifth year at university now, and each year I have tried something new, tried to engage myself in things. Nothing sticks because I can't make myself care... Ok, I actually liked working in the university café sometimes, but I had to stop that because I could not stand the fact that there were constantly new people joining the work team.

Yeah I can relate to this. The only exception is that I work some boring meaningless job to survive in this #######5 world. Music is my saviour. Trance music for some reason.

I don't believe in anybody or anything including myself. I feels like I have to "fake" my existence which at times can become overwhelming and tiring, including being interested in my family which for most of my life have felt detached to.

I take drugs which I feel was a result of having to faine interest in things and people. When I'm high, I can tolerate everything and become one of those people society would deem "normal/acceptable".

People in general piss me right off. Their stupidity and inconsideration for others makes me the way I am. It's people that are the problem!

So I continue in this existence of isolation and complete contempt for the world I live in......

Taurusoz wrote:Yeah I can relate to this. The only exception is that I work some boring meaningless job to survive in this #######5 world. Music is my saviour. Trance music for some reason.

I don't believe in anybody or anything including myself. I feels like I have to "fake" my existence which at times can become overwhelming and tiring, including being interested in my family which for most of my life have felt detached to.

I take drugs which I feel was a result of having to faine interest in things and people. When I'm high, I can tolerate everything and become one of those people society would deem "normal/acceptable".

People in general piss me right off. Their stupidity and inconsideration for others makes me the way I am. It's people that are the problem!

So I continue in this existence of isolation and complete contempt for the world I live in......

Why do you have to feel contempt for it? Do you feel that perhaps you were wronged by someone and that made you lose hope in others (and yourself)? Ah, you've said it's because of their stupidity. How does that go? Oh maybe it's the fact that they don't understand that some people are just not like them and have different emotional ranges, different views on life and whatnot, and that ignorance towards other people makes them act tactlessly towards you. I guess I relate to this in some ways. It's also difficult to draw a line to define if those events led you to feel numb in the first place or if the numbness was always there but other people added the feeling of being misunderstood to it.

Whoops, looks like something derped out and ate my post. Lucky I'm paranoid enough to Ctrl-C these things once I finish them. My earlier post:

I don't know that I've ever "cared" about anything beyond insuring the moment-to-moment comfort of my body. But I realized a long time ago that while I don't have the same tenacity of life provided by the sense of self-love people with strong emotions tend to have, there are experiences which generate a higher level of mental interest for me, things that for want of a better term made me "happy". By generating those periods of interest as much as possible I am less likely to reach a level of apathy and disinterest where I decide it is no longer worth the continued effort to keep myself alive. It is not hard to understand intellectually the strong cultural stigma against suicide and the genetic impetus to continue living, even if one doesn't viscerally feel the need to stay alive.

To that end I've made an effort to find things which challenge me and engage my interest. In my case the biggie is simulating convincing emotional responses to other people and building relationships. I understand this isn't for everyone (possibly not for most people) with SPD. But there are other things that engage me as well and those fall into two categories: consuming the creations of others (watching good movies/shows, listening to music, reading. Lately I've been watching quite a lot of Youtube Let's Play-type videos since the addition of another person's thoughts regarding a game are often enough to push me over the top into engagement when playing the game myself might not have done.) and creating things myself (For a while I created flash games for ArmorGames and Kongregate but I've pretty much stopped that, now I mostly sing, act in local theater productions, and when that mental energy is particularly low I spend long hours in Minecraft creating big, complex builds.).

In the end, you could say my life is one big effort to stave off suicide but I don't think that requires a grim attitude. If your day included even one thing that interested or engaged you, I'd say that day was intrinsically better than the nullity of death. You just gotta find that one thing, and then the next, and then the next...

Sounds basically like my life, I watch movies too but I have a few other solitary pursuits such as reading etc to keep me occupied.

Life is simply about distracting yourself with things so that you don't ponder on questions such as: "What is the point to life?" etc ... If you do ponder on these types of questions you will drive yourself mad and have an existential crisis.

effre44 wrote:Sounds basically like my life, I watch movies too but I have a few other solitary pursuits such as reading etc to keep me occupied.

Life is simply about distracting yourself with things so that you don't ponder on questions such as: "What is the point to life?" etc ... If you do ponder on these types of questions you will drive yourself mad and have an existential crisis.

Hi i got a question to you (or just anyone on here) What can I do to actually get out of this! I been almost dead inside for 2 years (since i was 15) lost all interest in collage and this is my first year! that means 2 more to go, I have to act my feelings I got about 3 mask i use to get throw this stage of my life just to blend in. One mask i use when Im with my real friends. One i use when im with people i just pretend i care about. one i use around family. It all worked good, but now it is to much for me, im getting more and more angry at people and more and more isolated from things that happens outside my little lovely room.

But worst of all i am starting to have some very bad thoughts about things i want to do to people that is in my way, making my life more difficult. And it all ends up to this. I just dont care about anything or anyone, This is the first time actually telling ANYONE about this, and I am now hopeing to get a tip/hint on how to move on and start enjoying life again and this is a stupid try to share my feelings for the first time just to see if it would make any difference!

Oh and by the way im 17 years old and from Norway (Exsplains the spelling)

travisss15 wrote:

effre44 wrote:Sounds basically like my life, I watch movies too but I have a few other solitary pursuits such as reading etc to keep me occupied.

Life is simply about distracting yourself with things so that you don't ponder on questions such as: "What is the point to life?" etc ... If you do ponder on these types of questions you will drive yourself mad and have an existential crisis.

Hi i got a question to you (or just anyone on here) What can I do to actually get out of this! I been almost dead inside for 2 years (since i was 15) lost all interest in collage and this is my first year! that means 2 more to go, I have to act my feelings I got about 3 mask i use to get throw this stage of my life just to blend in. One mask i use when Im with my real friends. One i use when im with people i just pretend i care about. one i use around family. It all worked good, but now it is to much for me, im getting more and more angry at people and more and more isolated from things that happens outside my little lovely room.

But worst of all i am starting to have some very bad thoughts about things i want to do to people that is in my way, making my life more difficult. And it all ends up to this. I just dont care about anything or anyone, This is the first time actually telling ANYONE about this, and I am now hopeing to get a tip/hint on how to move on and start enjoying life again and this is a stupid try to share my feelings for the first time just to see if it would make any difference!

Oh and by the way im 17 years old and from Norway (Exsplains the spelling)

I don't think theres anything you can do about it to be honest.

I remember a great quote from someone on this board that said "You can never escape who you really are".

I agree with this statement, and so all I can say is just accept yourself for what you are, whether that be someone with a disorder or not.

effre44 wrote:

travisss15 wrote:

effre44 wrote:Sounds basically like my life, I watch movies too but I have a few other solitary pursuits such as reading etc to keep me occupied.

Life is simply about distracting yourself with things so that you don't ponder on questions such as: "What is the point to life?" etc ... If you do ponder on these types of questions you will drive yourself mad and have an existential crisis.

Hi i got a question to you (or just anyone on here) What can I do to actually get out of this! I been almost dead inside for 2 years (since i was 15) lost all interest in collage and this is my first year! that means 2 more to go, I have to act my feelings I got about 3 mask i use to get throw this stage of my life just to blend in. One mask i use when Im with my real friends. One i use when im with people i just pretend i care about. one i use around family. It all worked good, but now it is to much for me, im getting more and more angry at people and more and more isolated from things that happens outside my little lovely room.

But worst of all i am starting to have some very bad thoughts about things i want to do to people that is in my way, making my life more difficult. And it all ends up to this. I just dont care about anything or anyone, This is the first time actually telling ANYONE about this, and I am now hopeing to get a tip/hint on how to move on and start enjoying life again and this is a stupid try to share my feelings for the first time just to see if it would make any difference!

Oh and by the way im 17 years old and from Norway (Exsplains the spelling)

I don't think theres anything you can do about it to be honest.

I remember a great quote from someone on this board that said "You can never escape who you really are".

I agree with this statement, and so all I can say is just accept yourself for what you are, whether that be someone with a disorder or not.

Yeah. I was afraid that someone would say that, I just miss the good old days where everything was perfect. But I might have found a solution to use the time a little more efficient, I am almost 100% sure about that i want to be in te army where I can feel the kind of friendship/team spirit I love so much when I play football. I do know that it is much much MUCH different, but I really think that I would love it, So might aswell give it a try.

But thx for the fast reply.

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