Are you able to apologize?

DarkRiver wrote:

salamander wrote:Being blatantly obvious does not necessarily mean whining or being hysterical. It can also show f. ex. by never watching you again in your face, ignoring you and never greeting you back if you say "hi".

I do not respond to any sort of subtle indications that someone is displeased with me. The best way to let me know is to say it straight to my face (preferably in a calm and rational manner) or via email. It's probably because I spent most of my time in my youth on my own and never picked up social nuances.

All those examples you listed are something I would not notice/care about because (in order):
- I rarely ever bother with eye contact / "watching your face", unless absolutely critical.
- It's pretty hard to ignore someone who never really initiates conversations
- I rarely ever bother with greetings / pleasantries. If I need to talk with someone I will just start with the topic at hand. If someone greets me in passing I will acknowledge their existence with a nod/wave or respond in kind to what they said.
In general being ignored is not distressing for someone with SPD.

That's funny.

I have a similar attitude toward greetings. In fact I tend to get annoyed when someone asks me "How are you doing?"

Especially if they do it more than once in the same day. Mentally I'm thinking, "Do you have something to say or not? Get to it already!"

Though admittedly this does cause others to view you as a cold, even mean or rude person.

To the topic at hand: I only apologize over trivial occurrences. For instance if I accidentally bump into someone at the store I'll say "Sorry bout that." But if I made a comment to a person I know and saw they were visibly upset or hurt by it, I can't bring myself to apologize.

Ideally, one would apologize when he feels remorse for what he has done, feels sorry for the person he has hurt. Should that not be the case then the apology would be insincere and just be aimed to calm the other person down, basically to manipulate them. I rarely have trouble apologizing, even when I don't feel sorry at all for what I have done (which is usually the case). If it makes them feel better, why the hell not?

I'll apologize if I see it as a means of ending the damned conversation...

^
^
Yup.

To the question: No. For more then one reason. First is, as mentioned here already, I would probably not even notice, if one does not tell me strait out, that there is a Problem and why.
And then, I wouldn't care. If I really, REALLY hurt someone, than I do it for a really good reason, and I would know, what I am doing. And with a reason, and on purpose, why should I apologize? You can bet, that I was aware of what I was doing (and I was so, before I did it.)
Then again, if it was something, that I did without noticing it, than I am quite sure, that it can't have been so tragic that the other has a real reason to feel hurt (and the other person being a p**sy is nothing, that I would need to apologize for that is most likely not my fault.)

If you are just asking, if I am able to apologize in general, then: Yes. If I knock something over f.ex. I apologize.

I usually notice when an apolgy from me is expected. That said, I can't remember when I apologized the last time although there were plenty of occasions where I "should" have. I may say I won't do it again but I'll never say I'm sorry. I usually don't see the fault in me, therefore I don't see why I should apologize.

Also it seems, I have a hard time giving people what they want (apology, attention, praise...) Whenever I notice someone wants my attention, for example, I'll ignore them. This goes even so far as when girls hit on me, I'll instinctively ignore them even though I'd like to ###$ them, probably. But it's not like I regret it afterwards or whatever.

I am very quick to apologise even if there isn't a real need for me to. It helps me come across as approachable, communicative and empathetic; attributes I am not naturally gifted with. Helps keep the mask on at the expense of being seen as being a bit of a pushover. I don't mind it most of the time, but if there is something I feel very strongly about I come out fighting tooth and claw which surprises people.

If there'll be repercussions for not apologising, sure. I can't recall a time where I ever genuinely cared about whether my actions hurt others, even years before going full-blown SPD, but I can sure fake it convincingly. I've fabricated a guilt-ridden, polite, and considerate (to the point of looking overly self-sacrificing) facade for myself over the years as a means of keeping people off my back and staying out of trouble, and it works, so yeah.

I'm not trying to keep the mask up so much these days though, unless it's with people who I need something from. Burning bridges doesn't really have any repercussions if you don't need/want to cross them to begin with.

Yes, but only for staying out of trouble and keeping people off my back. I do not care otherwise.

I usually apologize if I realize I was wrong or I feel the apology is necessary as it is one of the few expressions or gestures in society that can fix a situation and get it back to normal. I try not to overuse them, and to be about my way as quickly as possible afterwards.

I'm always able to apologize, but it depends on what mood I'm in if I mean it or not. If I've had too much of people, then I don't mean it at all.