by madworld » Wed Feb 03, 2010 4:33 pm
I'm a secret schizoid, and I was bullied all through elementary school, up to the end of the seventh grade. But bullying in girl-world - at least in my experience - doesn't involve physical altercations. It was all social isolation and ostracizing, with occasional malicious manipulation. I'd be invited to play with a group of girls, and then they'd either spend the whole time putting me down, or they wouldn't show up at all. I might go a few weeks as part of a group, seemingly accepted, but then they'd kick me out and use anything personal I'd shared with them against me.
All this stuff clearly reinforced my schizoid tendencies, but I think being schizoid also kind of saved me. These girls all assumed that being isolated was the worst thing that could happen to you. I always liked being alone. Going through the cycle of acceptance and rejection was always painful for me, but being isolated was not.
My high school was very small, and bullying wasn't tolerated. I was seen as a little weird, but by that time most of my outer, social self was in place, and kids either didn't interact with me, or came to me for advice. I still spent a lot of time alone, but no one set out on purpose to isolate or abuse me.
Self esteem was never a factor for me. I understood from a very early age that I was different, and I was okay with that. I never wanted to be like the other kids, especially when I saw how cruel and abusive they could be.