living with a SPD diagnosed husband

Oh EKO, thanks for the reply. I am better today, worse yesterday. We actually talked on the 16th, he emailed me, and I called him. He promised he would email often - another broken promise. I have already sent him 3 texts and not one reply. So I've decided I'm walking away from this one now. Would I take him back? not sure. Probably not.

I'm still doing a lot of Post-Mortems though, and feeling so nostalgic. I think nostalgia is my worst enemy. I plunged myself into work (I cursed it at times, but it's been a blessing to help keep busy. Now and again the memories surfaces at work and I'd get teary, but now accepted this as part of healing).

Our "love story" lasted 4 1/2 years and spanned across 3 continents. It is somewhat complicated but will explain later.

My ex was never formally diagnosed. I diagnosed him based on his clinical presentation and collateral information from his sister. When we were together overseas for a holiday and I witnessed the cycling mood and irritability (no he is not BPAD), I just told him flat out, "you've got Personality Disorder and it's likely Schizoid. The world won't stop for you, you have to adjust to the world or perish". He did not reply to this. I guess he realized what he is and couldn't really care less. I will post an update if there is even any development. And I am like you EKO, not looking for anything really, but just ventilating and I am grateful for websites like this.

Hmmm... you mentioned something that I found interesting.. The world won't stop for you. You either adjust or perish.. Oh that is so true, but a lot of people refuse to accept it. Sure, fight for your own uniqueness, but there are limits! Whatever happens to me I will persevere. I just hate good people throwing things away just because they refuse to handle the world just because everything isn't their way...

Best of luck to you. No matter what happens!

Thanks for the reply Eko. I have not actually checked my emails since the 29th October. Too scared to confront that there would be nothing there. But I must I supposed. I just feel I am not strong enough. I doubt he's emailed me though because it has been 5 days since I have not replied and last time I did not reply (could not really) because I was in hospital he was at my brother's place. Oh well. I think by Wednesday I will have to check it or else my emails will be overflowing.

The world won't stop for you. You either adjust or perish.. Oh that is so true, but a lot of people refuse to accept it. Sure, fight for your own uniqueness, but there are limits!

Unfortunately this is the truth! The world won't adjust to anyone, won't stop for anyone, won't give allowances for anyone. I guess that explains why Schizoids retreat into their own world of fantasy and isolation. Good luck to you. I will post something if there is any development.

[quote="Splintered"]Well, my recent progress has been mostly triggered by an increased ability to empathise with people. It started with exercise and fitness, which changed peoples responses to me, which changed my self-image, which triggered learning to read people better, and recently I have been moving on to learning more about the range of internal emotional states of others, mostly through reading a few new genres of books (yes, I've been reading romances... If you knew me, you would at this point have fallen off your chair at the size of turn-around that this represents).

This is my first post. Splintered, reading yours made me feel better about my boyfriend. As I read this thread it was apparent to me that there are SPD people who try to change and adapt better to others and their environment and others who just don't. The ones who say "we will never change" are probably ones who don't want to and won't even try, doesn't mean that others won't. My boyfriend is a good example of one. Splintered your quote : if you knew me, you would at this point have fallen off your chair..." is one I have hear many times in my relationship with my boyfriend who we suspect have SPD or at least traits of it (although undiagnosed.)

Kirstine95 wrote:I just told him flat out, "you've got Personality Disorder and it's likely Schizoid. The world won't stop for you, you have to adjust to the world or perish". He did not reply to this. I guess he realized what he is and couldn't really care less. I will post an update if there is even any development. And I am like you EKO, not looking for anything really, but just ventilating and I am grateful for websites like this.

No. What he realized is that you are threatening him and that's exactly what you are doing. The reality is is that letting someone perish without intervention is actually a criminal offense.

-- Sat Jun 04, 2016 12:44 pm --

Weirdish wrote:

Splintered wrote:Well, my recent progress has been mostly triggered by an increased ability to empathise with people. It started with exercise and fitness, which changed peoples responses to me, which changed my self-image, which triggered learning to read people better, and recently I have been moving on to learning more about the range of internal emotional states of others, mostly through reading a few new genres of books (yes, I've been reading romances... If you knew me, you would at this point have fallen off your chair at the size of turn-around that this represents).

This is my first post. Splintered, reading yours made me feel better about my boyfriend. As I read this thread it was apparent to me that there are SPD people who try to change and adapt better to others and their environment and others who just don't. The ones who say "we will never change" are probably ones who don't want to and won't even try, doesn't mean that others won't. My boyfriend is a good example of one. Splintered your quote : if you knew me, you would at this point have fallen off your chair..." is one I have hear many times in my relationship with my boyfriend who we suspect have SPD or at least traits of it (although undiagnosed.)

What you are saying is wrong. Trying to change, adapt to others, etc. doesn't make the disorder go away. Schizoids don't change because they don't want to, but because of the nature of the disorder. It is called a personality disorder. That is not something that you can change. Schizoids who are trying to adapt to their environment will eventually just fall back in old routines.

Every time I read something from Comp_Lex it's like he's trying to drag everyone down to his level. Or maybe "up" to his apparently crotchety old age. His avatar suits him well.

Who cares is you fall back into old routines after trying to better yourself???
One of the best things a person can do is know that they CAN do something. Even if you fall back into an old routine at least you'll know you can ALWAYS do something different. I ALWAYS do it with exercising Comp_Lex!!!! Does that mean I shouldn't exercise ever just because I will eventually fall off the wagon?? No, because I'm not a debby-downer like Comp_Lex. There's some people that people should not listen too. One of them is Comp_Lex.

Comp_Lex also doesn't bother to mention brain plasticity or natural remedies or all these other things that can literally change your brain. ...cause he doesn't want you to know about them. He is dangerous. Why would anyone ever take such biased advice (odd for a schizoid). Why wouldn't Comp_Lex just say, "you're ###$, end of story." Instead he enjoys the feeling of pretending to create another commiserator.

serc wrote:There's some people that people should not listen too. One of them is Comp_Lex.

and idream5 is the other one

Why are you digging up this topic. For the primary purpose of dissing other members, serc and anagram? Can you please constructively disagree. Without name calling.

I feel offended that girls can get anything out of a 100 % Schizoid, im just a borderline and have better social skills, so how can it be fair that a pure schizoid get to have any partner when i get none you don't deserve it and don't need it just as little as i do....but i still deserve it more

And what is it that a woman possible can feel attracted to?, i don't wanna hear the answer on that
cause i will just get furious

Hi
I e been married for 12 years. My husband treated me like a real life princess. I've never been loved like he loved me in my life. He has taught me so many beautiful life lessons. He is my best friend and I love him so very much. Through Sept-Dec. 2016 I could feel that things were off.he works two almost full time jobs and running went from a hobby to an obsession. He always made me believe that he had all of his $#%^ together, so to speak. He is a hard worker, sets and attains goals etc...
I thought he was about as close to perfect as humanly possible. He is kind and generous. Anyway, one day he just said I love you but I'm not in love with you. I'm not happy in this marriage. I was shocked. He went on to say that he has always had relationship problems with women in his life. I didn't really ever hear him tell me that in 14 years. I didn't even know that about him or his past. He started cutting me out of his life. No calls or texts or conversations unless regarding our two beautiful children. He has been cold as ice to me. The things that he says are unbelievable to hear. Like he doesn't even hear himself. I actually am the one who found this disorder and asked him to read about it. Through counseling he has been diagnosed with it. I know that I still have a place somewhere under all that yucky stuff. I know that he still has a fancy for me. I've seen it. He fights it though. It's like him acknowledging his disorder is so difficult for him and he has no idea that in some ways I've known for a long time but still loved him. He is scary in the sense that he has cut me out or turned me off like a switch. He still loves and cherishes his relationship with our kids though and when he does it it hurts very much. As if I'm not there- like I died and life is carrying on without me. I want to be married for life and grow old together and I want us to raise our grandchildren. That being said- I also love him enough to let him go of that is what will bring his smile back. He is depressed and has a pituitary tumor and it is not a cancer tumor but he takes meds for it and I wonder if the length of time he's been on it is effecting him? He refuses antidepressants and swears it's got nothing to do with his tumor meds. He is speaking with a professional though and seems to be enjoying it. I feel sad for him. I miss him very much. Help?