Missing out on life

Since my teens I've got this feeling that life is just passing me by due to anhedonia and lack of emotion. Situations that touch everyone else don't do anything for me. I spend my life under a jar bell. That's why I carry a certain desperation with me, the feeling that I'm missing out on life and that it is therefore ultimately pointless.

Why do I have the feeling that life is just a dream ? Could it be that my traits of depersonalization are stronger than with most other schizoids ?

"Seiver (Lion, Editor, 1981, pp. 40-41) described individuals with SPD in treatment who said that life passed them by; they saw themselves as &quote;missing the bus&quote; and complained of observing life from a distance."

www.schrodingers-cat.org/dd/schizoid.htm

I have been feeling particullarly down and negative recently and I like you have the feeling that life is just passing me by and that I am missing out.

It's December, another year has almost passed and what have I achieved? Nothing. What enjoyment have I had? Next to nothing. I

I look at people around me and see them laughing, smiling, happy, joking, enjoying themselves and being satisfied at what to me seem to be mundane events and circumstances and I can't understand how they can be like that.

I don't have an answer to your question but life certainly doesn't seem like a dream to me, it seems all too real.

I sort of felt like that until I realized that those people aren't doing anything. It's all a joke. It's a lie.

Do what you like. It's your life. What you are bothered by is the entertainment industry's representation of life. That's not real. It's just glossy with no substance. A story that most idiots believe in.

If it were a person, it would be Santa Claus.

You don't believe in Santa, do you?

I'm with Isomnikat on this.

I was bothered by that through the entirety of my adolescence. Then, once I found out about SPD and came to accept it, I realized something:

What right does anyone have to tell you how to live your life? Or what should be important to you?

If you can still function in society, aren't breaking any laws, and aren't hurting anyone, then that's entirely up to you. Beyond that, the distinctions are unimportant; as Kat said, it's all shallow and contrived, and it's none of their business anyway.

So don't worry about it.

I agree with insomniakat/gigantor. For a while when I was younger I felt similiar about not "achieving anything" that the media/society plays up as being more or less the point of living, but - a bit before and more so after I discovered SPD and the understanding it brought - I thought more and more about how much getting any of that just plain wouldn't do anything for me. It wouldnt make me happy, I wouldnt even be content with it since it'd be a struggle for things that dont satisfy me.

Rather than let them decide the meaning of life, I'll just do what -does- satisfy/entertain/not make me feel like $#%^. Those forces telling everyone what they should be doing with their life aren't doing it with my best interests in mind whatsoever, they just want me to be a productive consumer, or something else that will benifit them.

I will do whatever I need to to just survive, learn what I can because I feel like it, entertain myself with what I feel like, and whatever other whim that should strike me.

My life may be empty and pointless if judged by what society values..
But by what I value, it would be even more empty and pointless if I tried to pelase them. I would be living miserably for their benifit. No. I dont think so.
The things I do with my life may not be very ambitious, or fame/wealth seeking, or some dillusional crusade to better humanity in some great sacrifice of some sort, but it IS what I feel like doing. I think a life spent doing what someone wants, even if its not ambitious, is better spent than that of someone whos doing whateveryone else wants ignoring their own interests. It seems pretty damn wastefull of my life to live it chasing after things I dont care about. That wont make anything any less empty, just more effort and stress for nothing.

Maybe I'll eventually find something that might have more meaning to me than satisfying curiousitys and entertaining myself, and if I do I'll worry about it when it comes. But untill when/if that happens ill focus on the little things I do have interest in. Better to spend my time on that than waste it looking for something that may not be there.


And anyone that wants to demand anything else from me can take a flying f*** off. If they're so unconcerned about the fact it'd make me miserable, why should I care about their desires in turn?

el-a wrote:Since my teens I've got this feeling that life is just passing me by due to anhedonia and lack of emotion. Situations that touch everyone else don't do anything for me. I spend my life under a jar bell. That's why I carry a certain desperation with me, the feeling that I'm missing out on life and that it is therefore ultimately pointless.

Why do I have the feeling that life is just a dream ? Could it be that my traits of depersonalization are stronger than with most other schizoids ?

I'm not sure if we are in a smiliar position really, or is it just similarity at first glance. I have a very strong lack of emotion and constant anhedonia since I can remember. "Situations that touch everyone else don't do anything for me" is a quote that I could have very well said myself, Its definitally the same for me. I also believe that life in itself is pointless and there is no sense in looking for meaning in the outside world. Not sure if your traits of depersonalization are stronger than mine, I'd say that they at least look to be similar although I lack both positive and negative emotions, while I think I remember you speaking about depression in one of your posts.

Still what we differ in is that you have the feeling that your life is passing you by and you seem to state that the pointlessness of reality is something bad.

Ultimately my advice is similar and partially overlaping that of insomniakat: Don't search for meaning in the surrounding reality, because reality lacks such traits like "meaning". Its like asking "what is the smell of the color blue?".
Reality doesn't hold meaning in itself, only decisions of sentient beeings can be meaningfull and have a point to them. Search for meaning in your decisions, not in the world.
In short: "Do what you can, do what you want and do what you must". If you don't feel like doing anything in particular (and are not forced to doing something), then by all means do nothing.
There are no good and evil deeds, just ones you feel like doing and those which you don't feel like doing.

AmusedApathy, it's like you took the words from my thoughts and set them down in your post.

I know I'm kind of repeating the already stated, but I do really mean it and if el-a hears it from more people, it has a bigger effect:

Do only search for a meaning of life inside yourself and never in the outside world.
This can be interpreted as: Do what you feel like, even if it's "nothing"*.

* Do you really do nothing? If you read stuff on the internet or even if you just sit by yourself and indulge in your thoughts/daydreams, that is something.

Amused - Brilliant post. You took the words right out of my mouth.

Ivan brings up a very good point as well. It's impossible to actually do "nothing"--and even if it is, that's perfectly fine, as long as it doesn't fit into the criteria I listed in my last post.

So what if you don't want to mill around like an ant, or play at being a "regular" person? That's your choice. And no one has the right to take it away from you or tell you otherwise.

For what it's worth, I'll offer the following.

I joined AARP (for people over 50), and get this magazine every month.

This month, one of the features was called "Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda", and it talked about how most people at this age have a lot of regrets about what they did, what they didn't do, and what they should have done differently.

I honestly never knew that 'most people' felt that way. So I'm 50, and maybe that qualifies me more for 'looking back at my life'...but I've gotta believe this is not so uncommon...that many people are plagued by the thoughts of what they could have been "if only", or what they should have done.

And maybe that includes thoughts about what they missed out on...for whatever perfectly good reason. Mostly, we do the best we can at the time.

You're doing the best you can do, right now. If you can do better, you will recognize that, and do it. But given who you are, where you are, right now....there are benefits you may not recognise, and maybe won't.

I'm trying not to look back and regret what's passed me by...and much has. But I can't go back....I can only start with right now. And maybe what I'md doing right now is the best I can do...and may be it is better than the alternative....who knows? Maybe most people will look back and regret that they were not more introspective, did not spend enough time with themselves.

Who knows?

Depression makes one feel ripped off. What a cheat. All these other people who seem so happy; are they really?
The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. What is called resignation is confirmed desperation.
From Henry David Thoreau “Walden”