confused schizoid?

just today I came across the SPD page in wikipedia, and was laughing as I read the Akhtar profile section, as it was as if I wrote it myself. but it doesn't feel like it paints a complete picture...I:

am very self-reliant
am rather narcissistic
...but can be very self conscious
display (and possibly feel) a narrow range of emotions
...but can quickly go from calm to very angry, and right back to calm
never been close to being in a relationship (currently almost 24, and male btw)
...but get a kick out of sexual gossip
have no problem with, and sometimes prefer, solitary activities
...but routinely daydream about having a great group of friends to do things with
can be lazy and unmotivated
...but have had periods of intense focus and discipline
have few close friends
...but do have friends, most of several years
daydream *a lot*
...but mostly reality-based, sometimes re-enacting social situations in my mind in different ways

and in no particular order: I have occasional mild anxiety issues, am a bit OCD, have a hard time accepting that others could genuinely be interested in me, even when they explicitly say otherwise, over-analyze and deconstruct the world around me, am secretive for no particular reason, and have come to rely on taking long (sometimes > 1 hour) walks to come out of depression or sort out a hyperactive mental state.

maybe I'm schizoid, bipolar, and have some degree of ADD

even with all this, I don't feel like SPD, if such is my case, is that big of a dela. obviously having an awful social life doesn't help you much, but I'm very ambitious and creative (if I do say so myself, but I guess self-superiority is to be expected) and have a so-far successful job. I've theorized that my ambition comes largely from never having been socially successful, so it's my way of proving myself.

what still bugs me is how to reconcile all this with the pathetic social life thing. I've never been good at relationships (friendship or otherwise) and subconsciously seem to avoid getting too deep in them. I also tend to respond socially to others far better when they initiate. as if them speaking to me suggests that they "get" me, aren't pre-judging me, and so I instantly feel a bit more comfortable responding. on the flip side, I mostly avoid initiating contact thinking I probably have little in common with that person, and if I did it anyway, it would end up awkward and I'd look silly. obviously this sounds a bit absurd, and even hypocritical, and results in me remaining alone.

example: I haven't taken spanish since high school, and would love to take it up again and become fluent. but I don't want a beginner's class because I learn quickly and I'd get impatient. I could get some materials and teach myself a bit, but I've yet to gather the motivation. I could take an advanced class or join some social group, but then I instantly connect it with an opportunity to meet people, and think about how bad it would be if I had nothing in common with the people there, and was much more serious and aggressive about learning the language, over having a good time in a social setting.

I want to think, "screw society, I'm special and I'm going to accomplish great things", but years go by without much happening. is it just me? how can one focus on accomplishing their goals when the fact that you spend almost every weekend alone makes them feel inconsequential in the first place?

how can one focus on accomplishing their goals when the fact that you spend almost every weekend alone makes them feel inconsequential in the first place?

Try writing a list of them down on paper. You are off to a good start, as it sounds like you can clearly identify your goals. Quite a lot of people cannot do that.

If your goals appear too difficult or far-fetched, try breaking them down into smaller sub-goals so each becomes a step towards completing your main goal. Each time you achieve a small step it will likely give you enthusiasm to continue.

You sound exactly like someone I know. I do not have SPD but I suspect that my boyfriend's adult son does. I don't know how to tell my boyfriend about my suspicions, but it is nice to have an answer to this question that has been troubling me for several years now, since I have met him (the son).

Do you have any siblings and do you feel like you are compared to them in some way? Just curious.

Why are you curious about siblings?

Would it help your bf to know that his son might be schizoid? Would it help the son?

I believe it would help both my boyfriend and his son to know. He's on prozac right now for depression but I have known for three years that it's something more than just depression.

I am curious about siblings because I feel like the son is often compared to his other two siblings who have are successful functioning adults, and have achieved more than him. I worry about that.

What constitutes 'mild anxiety issues'?