Am I a schizoid?

What does the addition of a label mean to you? It's only a disorder if you are distressed about it. Do you want to seek treatment to help you in some way?

I was seeing a therapist and saw the SPD description. I thought that, well I have this, and a lot of my "depressive symptoms" are just me being normal (for me). Since I have a past history of many issues, I wanted to make sure. My therapist does not diagnosis personality disorders and wanted me to see someone that did. I saw a shrink, who diagonsed me as bipolar and said that I do have some schizoid traits but they'll go away once I'm on medication. Fat chance. The one med that did seem to make me more energetic did not make me suddenly feel like I wanted to socialize with people. My therapist then sent me to a new therapist that worked with personality disorders. I specifically asked about SPD, because I wanted to know about how much time I would be spending in therapy. She told me that personality disorders were something that she arrived at...in time.

Basically, I didn't see the point of wasting my money anymore. I'm also not sure about staying on meds for something that wasn't a huge issue to me in the first place.

So you have to ask yourself. What's in a label? What do you want if you did go get "treatment"? What are you distressed about that is making you unhappy in the first place?

I was socially withdrawn, prior to the abuse, Lone Wolf. It has not been all my life, just... Actually, about back three years is when I started tearing things down myself, between others. I always thought maybe it was a stage, but, this stage, this common teenager angst stage, or those with few friends, they yearn for them, that which they can't have. I always thought it was strange, and recently others, that I don't want any friends. I just always am alone, in routine, not enjoying life like the average teenager, just working on whats important, and all that I can do alone. And I do realize you guys can't really tell me what I am, now, anyway. Only those who personally know me, or myself, can really say.

Originally, I was afraid. I don't know why anymore, now I am enthralled, that their might be a treatment, or a cure, for the way I am. I thought maybe I can fit in, more like everybody else. Because there is no cure for angst, so if it is more than just that...

And Insomiakat, the addition of this label, gives me a reason, a foundation, and a relation. It could give me a better understanding of why I am the way I am, and a treatment. I am hoping there is a way to cure what I am... No... Just reverse the effect, the curse.. Hopefully, in relevance to what you say, there is hope. I won't give up, anyway. And it would not make things any better if I decide I a not a schizoid. So its best I see someone, or I will just be loss again without reason.

Kurai, speaking as an old fart (who still longs for what she can't have, BTW), keep in mind that you're at a very dynamic stage in life. You will change as you grow older. Teenage years are notoriously turbulent or troublesome. If anyone tells you these are the best years of your life, tell them to take a flying leap.

If you want to work on becoming more sociable, I wonder if you would fit the description (at least the classic description) of a schizoid. That's why I asked that question of the group. I have a feeling most of us are either satisfied or unbothered by our schizoid state.

Theoretically, the only person who can diagnose you is a mental health professional--a psychiatrist, psychologist, etc. You can get good input about yourself from loved ones. Or you can get biased, hostile input-- from a parent who's "had enough" of your living in a shell, for instance. Look for a consensus of opinion. If, for example, five people tell you you look like a purple hippopotamus and act like one too, you may want to seriously consider that.

Lone Wolf wrote:Kurai,

Question to others out there: does it cause you anxiety to know or suspect you're schizoid?

Yes but I’m pretty sure its only because I have the responsibility of being married and having 2 young kids. I strongly suspect that I would be very content with living a solitary life.

I’ve been withdrawing further & further within myself over the past couple of years. I’m 41 and I don’t think I’ve ever been so withdrawn. Later today I have a doctor’s appointment where I’ll be seeking a referral to a psychiatrist. I’m torn, but for the sake of the family I’m doing this.

insomniakat wrote:I was seeing a therapist and saw the SPD description. I thought that, well I have this, and a lot of my "depressive symptoms" are just me being normal (for me). Since I have a past history of many issues, I wanted to make sure. My therapist does not diagnosis personality disorders and wanted me to see someone that did. I saw a shrink, who diagonsed me as bipolar and said that I do have some schizoid traits but they'll go away once I'm on medication. Fat chance. The one med that did seem to make me more energetic did not make me suddenly feel like I wanted to socialize with people. My therapist then sent me to a new therapist that worked with personality disorders. I specifically asked about SPD, because I wanted to know about how much time I would be spending in therapy. She told me that personality disorders were something that she arrived at...in time.

Basically, I didn't see the point of wasting my money anymore. I'm also not sure about staying on meds for something that wasn't a huge issue to me in the first place.

Insomnikat....what you wrote here is almost exactly...me. I was depressed for years before I sought treatment. I saw that I seemed to be different than others, in that I didn't want to desperately find some random someone..but that I thought that I was missing something that others had that made them 'happy' and led them to seek relationships in some kind of organized logical way.

Eventually I sought help, was diagnosed with dysthimia, got meds, got therapy...more different meds, different therapy. For roughly 15 years.

I'd been seeing a psychiatrist for med management, and suggested cyclothymia (modified bi-polar). Well, he bought that, prescribed lamictal. And it seemed to work for awhile...then, not so much.

I confronted him; I'd been seeing him for 15 years, and I was no better than I was...it was just one med after another, works for awhile (I thought), back to the same...never being particularly motivated or engaged...lots of anhedonia.

Then he suggested I see a particular psychologist who didn't accept insurance. I visited her, she thought my goal was to 'find my identity' and that I'd need to see her once or twice a week for at least three years for $85 a pop.

Well, if this is what I needed in the first place, I wondered why the pdoc dragged me through these 15 years of meds. And I realized he was clueless...and she was probably clueless too. But everyone is willing to take my money, act like they know what they are doing, and not really give a ship beyond those occasional appointments. It's not that I want them to 'care' about me...I just think that since I paid them, they should at least take responsibility as professionals to do their job.

But I've concluded that their 'job' is really about providing me with their best guess on what I need. And I think I can do pretty much the same on my own. Hell, most of the meds my pdoc prescribed were because I suggested it!

But this isn't about me.

Kurai wrote about sexual harassment...then someone else wrote about sexual abuse. One is a real pain in the ass, the other is quite traumatic (I realize I'm assuming here). I'm just wondering what Kurai experienced. Trauma can definitely affect the way one approaches the world and relationships. I'm not so sure that some sort of trauma is not a factor for many of us. The definition of 'trauma' is personal - what one person lets roll of their back can be quite devastating for another. It doesn't take more than one event to shake a person's faith in humanity. Once is often enough. If it's possible one time, what's to say that everyone else is not capable of the same....crap.

Lonewolf, I agree, its a possiblity. I realize what adolescent teen years are like. But if things don't get better in however so many years, its always good to know the alternative, what is the underlying truth. But its always good to know something is out there. I don't quite understand why I am the way I am, I guess I am just trying to find out why. It just does not seem obvious at all, not even to me. My brother mentions these "chemical imbalances", I don't know..

And also, I am not sure what lines it falls under, but this man was going to rape had I not run before he got the chance.

EDIT: It is probably all a phase, just one rather off to the side of those of the rest. Maybe I will return to normal, maybe not, maybe I will always be disgusted by those around me.