Parenthood

lia wrote:

Steppenwolf wrote:I have an appointment for a vasectomy next week, so it'll be final. I must say, I was pleasantly surprised that the doctor didn't bitch about my age.

Congrats on the forthcoming vasectomy. I'd have had tubal ligation surgery on my eighteenth birthday if I could have. As it was, I had to wait until I was thirty-two. Absolutely no regrets over having it done.

Kudos to you guys! Thw world is over populated as it is, and there are millions of unwanted children already.
Before I got myself fixed, I only had intimate relations with men who had had vasectomies.
I have one son, which, although I am glad he exists, was an unplanned event in my youth. I did not do well with parenting as I am not able to bond emotionally on any deep level, but he turned out okay, anyway.

SpiritParticle wrote:I hate children.....so needless to say, I will never have them. Even if I did like children, I would be a horrible parent.....I tend to think kids would need parents who have emotions, and have the capacity to love them(not to say an unemotional parent couldn't be a good parent, but it would be positively exhausting). I have hated babies since I was a child, so I started young. I have never wanted children.....so there really isn't an age where I can say I decided I don't want children...I never have wanted them.

I can't imagine hating children unless it's the ones misbehaving and running around loose in a restaurant screaming.

Children obviously aren't for everyone and full body condoms must be worn at all times and/or fixed!

AND yes, I had the vasectomy many moons ago and lets not forget people are the biggest polluters destroying this planet sucking resources.

What's the point of getting sterilized if you don't want to have sex?

jofride wrote:What's the point of getting sterilized if you don't want to have sex?

That's a very good question, but maybe just "in case" if the opportunity presents itself. It's gets lonely on the road apparently:-)

darkmeat wrote:

jofride wrote:What's the point of getting sterilized if you don't want to have sex?

That's a very good question, but maybe just "in case" if the opportunity presents itself. It's gets lonely on the road apparently:-)

It's a good point, yes. I hesitated and postponed the decision for some time, not because I wasn't sure about having children, but because I was wondering whether it's worth the money, pain, time, and risk. But the few times in the past when I actually had sex were not really "planed" and I don't consider it a rational decision. So I know from experience that occasionally I do enjoy intimacy and act irrationally, so it's indeed a "just in case" precaution. Plus, I do not exclude the possibility of a long term relationship -- but by all means I do not want to start it on false premises ("Maybe he'll change his mind about children in a couple of years." -- Hell no, and there's no better credible way to signal that I won't).

It's a good point, yes. I hesitated and postponed the decision for some time, not because I wasn't sure about having children, but because I was wondering whether it's worth the money, pain, time, and risk. But the few times in the past when I actually had sex were not really "planed" and I don't consider it a rational decision. So I know from experience that occasionally I do enjoy intimacy and act irrationally, so it's indeed a "just in case" precaution. Plus, I do not exclude the possibility of a long term relationship -- but by all means I do not want to start it on false premises ("Maybe he'll change his mind about children in a couple of years." -- Hell no, and there's no better credible way to signal that I won't).

O.T. That indeed brings up another point. Is sex better irrationally and not planned?. Maybe it's more exciting living recklessly except for the sterilization part. False premises and misunderstood expectations can be challenging. One can never be prepared enough! Good luck out there!

jofride wrote:What's the point of getting sterilized if you don't want to have sex?

I've had one boyfriend and the sex was pretty horrible, in part because we were both young and very inexperienced, and in part because of a basic...I guess I want to say 'incompatibility'. He was an extrovert and I am most definitely not, and something about that dynamic made for a trust issue--for me, at least. I experience desire and will probably give sex another try. Knowing there's no possibility that I'll get pregnant (I was on the pill back then and still felt some serious uneasiness) may also make it easier to relax and enjoy it. And as Steppenwolf said, there's no clearer way to say to prospective partners, "However our relationship evolves, parenthood isn't an option." I don't want any confusion or uncertainty about the issue.

I've had one boyfriend and the sex was pretty horrible, in part because we were both young and very inexperienced, and in part because of a basic...I guess I want to say 'incompatibility'. He was an extrovert and I am most definitely not, and something about that dynamic made for a trust issue--for me, at least. I experience desire and will probably give sex another try. Knowing there's no possibility that I'll get pregnant (I was on the pill back then and still felt some serious uneasiness) may also make it easier to relax and enjoy it. And as Steppenwolf said, there's no clearer way to say to prospective partners, "However our relationship evolves, parenthood isn't an option." I don't want any confusion or uncertainty about the issue.

Lia - Young and inexperienced is obviously normal growing pains; sounds like you learned a great deal from what happened. Sometimes introverts are more compatible with extroverts and vise-versa. It's hard for people to relax, but think sex is only satisfying when one feels total trust with their partner. Then and only then, I am not shy.

I do not want children and I can't remember a time when I ever desired to. I have no interest in family
life, and I don't think I would be a very good mother. Being around young family members exhausts me, it takes far too much effort to take care of them, pay attention and do other parent-like activities...

goat wrote:I do not want children and I can't remember a time when I ever desired to. I have no interest in family
life, and I don't think I would be a very good mother. Being around young family members exhausts me, it takes far too much effort to take care of them, pay attention and do other parent-like activities...

It's refreshing to hear people aware of their own capabilities before making the monumental decision of having children. That's taking responsibility and commendable.