*TW*Issues I have with my parents parenting.

TRIGGER WARNING

My sister told me to write down the problems I had with my parents parenting.
I consider myself a covert schizoid.
I'm posting this to see what others may think of me or yourselves. Anything sound similar? Do you think I may be out of line with any of this?
Keep in mind I wrote this quickly so it's incomplete and everything won't make sense or be in context.

Horrible Example / Destructive Action

1. Parents let kid date adult man when everyone else knew it was wrong. Eventually leading to abusive relationship. DA
2. No idea what teen kids are doing. Drugs. If knew didn’t do anything about it. DA
3. One kid almost didn’t graduate high school. DA
4. Dad said “don’t want him to not like us” when suggesting anger management for kid. Oldest child actually suggested it in 8th. grade. But of course too serious for parents to deal with. DA
5. Had kid who literally cried or was angry every single day during his childhood and did nothing about it. Verbatim from mother, “you were either angry or crying until 11 years old then it just stopped except for the anger. That stayed.” DA
6. Spanked kid continuously knowing that it wasn’t helping. DA
7. Mental illness on mothers side of family and horrible family dynamics of fathers side and they saw no need to ever course correct or to even take in to account. DA
8. Parents have never shown any respect for children’s opinions on anything. DA
9. Dad didn’t care what his kids thought about future wife. Unknown why he married her. Can only theorize a reason because father doesn’t speak on anything of importance.
10. Dad hates two of new wifes kids but marries her anyways. Doesn’t like any of her family either. Never compliments his wife or says anything good about her. Horrible example.
11. Puts himself before children in most important of situations.
12. Father walked around during his wedding reception and joked about “really making a mistake this time.” Another horrible example.
13. Both parents are highly negative. Father even joking about it being better when he’s dead on a somewhat consistent basis.
14. Both parents set horrible examples for their children that have ruined large parts of their love lives.
15. One daughter divorced quickly and dated abuser. Another daughter dated alcoholic. Son has never even had a long term relationship.
16. Father never set a good male role model and was completely emotionally unavailable to whole family.
17. Mother has major depression and had to practically beg father to let her talk to a psychiatrist even though father knew her family history. Also probably has generalized anxiety disorder, but of course laughed at her son when he suggested it.
18. Father didn’t let mother go to hospital when she clearly broke her arm. Children had to tell them to go.
19. Parents divorced and kids don’t know why. Think maybe mother cheated on father. Father filed for divorce even though he puts up with anything.
20. Mother may have driven father away because she knew she was going to inherit money.
21. Parents close business and don’t even try to sell it. Complain about real estate agent who suggested going through standard process to sell business. Obscure stubbornness.
22. Parents have no communication with kids about any important life topic. Never have. Probably because it’s too hard for them as they are emotionally distant people.
23. Parents appear to be the most stubborn people in the world. They should be studied by scientists as an anomaly.
24. Father was the “man of the house” during childhood, but in reality is a push over who took the lead role in the house in order to avoid any serious communication. Theorized.
25. Father built secret room in house to be alone in even though there was a finished basement with a bathroom and bed. May not have wanted to ask son to move out of basement, which son was using as his own private space consistently. Of course, would have meant a serious conversation. His secret room had a bookshelf doorway. Psychiatrists would get a kick out of that.
26. Parents have questionable relationship with friend who may have been the one mother cheated on with and after friend repeatedly treats mother like $#%^ at work. Father puts up with this and doesn’t stand up for wife.
27. Mother stays friends with woman who got caught stealing from peoples homes.
28. Rampant divorce on one side of family.
29. After mother receives inheritance her arrogance increases.
30. Mother apparently yelled a lot during childhood.
31. Son doesn’t remember lots of childhood. Probably because of emotional turmoil from always being angry, sad, and getting spanked.
32. Parents both lie a lot. Largely lying by omission. Have probably also done this throughout children’s childhoods.
33. Son rarely talks to parents in last year but parents don’t even ask why. Emblematic of their avoidance of difficult subject matters.
34. Parents would rather avoid and lose relationship than talk about difficult topics.
35. Parents view selves as morally superior despite above treatment of children and complete lack of respect of other people even when they have broken bones. Use moral superiority reasoning to avoid conversation. Claim people who talk meanly are below them even though these people would never treat children like they have. They seem delusional.
36. Father marries second wife who is accepting of his emotional vacancy.
37. Second wife has been married to 3 emotionally unavailable men. Horrible example for children.

That's a lot of emotional and physical abuse. You may want to look into seeing a therapist who has experience with prolonged and repetitive childhood trauma.

I guess that's what you call a dysfunctional family. For some children it would have been better that their parents did not get any. Especially the mental "illness" and depression of the mother means that children cannot learn from her how to autoregulate their emotions (age 1½ to 3 years), resulting in a psychological trauma "career" spanning multiple generations of a family. It's much like a biblical punishment as this emotional autoregulation shortcoming is passed on from the mothers of one generation to the next. And the sons tend to get partners with similar psychological shortcomings. A vicious circle, where nobody knows what happens and nobody knows a way out.
The only chance I see: become aware what happend and what happens, learn to live with it and avoid people and things that do no good to you. And don't pass it on: not having children is the safest way, but if you do love your children as much as you can, especially as a mother/primary caregiver and the age of the children up to 3 years: never leave them alone! teach them emotional safety, every time they are afraid of something.