Possible Cause Of Schizoid Personality Disorder

Akuma wrote:

I Dream 5 wrote:My theory is that having parents/caretakers who are BOTH overbearing AND neglectful will lead to a greater chance of someone developing this condition over time. Many times we think it's either one or the other (overbearing or neglectful). In my own personal case, it was a situation that would swing wildly from overbearing parental dynamics to neglectful parental dynamics. There simply seemed to be no real "happy medium".

Why would this specific constellation lead to that specific illness?

Here's my little personal story as to my development of the "disorder" (the child I'm referring to in the story is me):

As the child is developing emotionally at a young age and has parents who swing from overbearing to neglectful....the child learns to turn off his emotions as much as possible as there is great pain and confusion over whether one is loved or not loved. The child simply cannot trust that he is indeed loved due to confusion over parental behaviors.

The child learns that people are unreliable and can be dangerous. There is a strong belief formed that people are not a source of love and warmth. People are seen as subversive and untrustworthy. So, in this way, the Schizoid Personality is developed.

Anyway, just a quick summary of what I believe to be my personal development of the "disorder".

I was first born of a Dragon. The Dragon would roar at night, and breath out fire.
I don't know if it is overbearing or neglectful, both or none.
What I do know is that nothing is over the Bear.
And neglect in that situation is a good thing.
All she ever had is hatred, deep seated hatred about everything and nothing.

It's a song of fire and ice as some say.

I do know she intimidated everybody. Everybody was fearful. Was a terror in the government and everywhere. She can't stop herself, even in a court of law. Even a judge had to tell her to cut it off once. People are scared of her, that much is certain. As for me, it's different, I simply avoided as much as possible, but fought back when cornered. She should be dead now by all rights. Well, she had some heart incident it would seem lately, now she can't talk straight, which is pretty funny. No more fire weapon.
Can't hear either, but that has been the case for awhile, all from her own fault.

So its good for her. Hopefully I will never hear of her again. Having her in my head, that would be pretty disgusting.

So maybe the other posters are right, maybe you are right.
Those words don't seem to do justice. But certainly we are dealing with a catch 22 situation where anything you do is wrong, because it is the Bear's existence itself that is resented by the Dragon, nothing else. I am convinced of that, and I was always convinced of that. There never was any affection of any kind towards her and vice versa. I don't even know what those things look like, or what it is supposed to do. I mean I know, intellectually, not physically, emotionally. It's just a big nothing. Bonding, it's just never was there.

But the avoidance comes from danger, and a deep desire for peace and do my own things. It won't change ever. Although even to this day, I get furious and get murder impulse when I hear door knocks. That moron would bang on the door regularly. I mean that is after I started locking it, which in and of itself created scenes.

Some people just don't get the message, but really it makes no difference. You can get startled by someone rushing into your room and shouting, or someone banging on the door like crazy. It's still startling, but the second one is a bit safer. At least you have some time to get ready for hours of confrontation non stop.

There were overbearing moments at a younger age, due to studies. This was hell, constant abuse and $#%^ discipline. Fundamentalist literalism in everything in grammar and music. Now, I don't care about the stupid word morons insist on, only the meaning. Always did, always will. But I can play the game when I need to. I was born into it. So you could consider that overbearing.

Neglect. Lack of food, starvation. It's certainly possible to have both at the same time, if you're too busy being overbearing. You forget cubs need to eat once or twice a day. Fortunately there was food at school, otherwise I would never have made the winter. Starving and abuse go really well hand in hand, for all those idiot mothers that need some inspiration.

Don't expect "gratitude", you might actually get it. Get back all the love. It might hurt a bit. Lots of abusers expect gratitude, I met plenty. It seems to be what normal people do. They abuse you and then ask for gratitude. I am not sure how those people can sleep at night. They shouldn't. You never know when someone grateful might just stroll around and decide for a payback, no matter the good intentions and all the blahblah justifications. The big Values. She's open minded though, everybody says it. Big values. Big tolerance. Big love. Big love to all the mothers out there, you are all pretty awesome.