What's In Your Castle?

I like LoneCuteCat's comment on the thread below about having a castle that you live in, your inner world. It's similar to Marcus Aurelius's concept of an inner citadel.

What does your inner world look like?

I'm debating between going within and maybe focusing on a bright object in the center of the belly or spending about 90% of my life online like another schizoid does. I'm leaning towards the latter.

Thoughts?

Hi CityMouse, welcome back

CityMouse wrote:What does your inner world look like?

I don't really have a direct answer, except for comparing the way I experience it to the real world. Everything seems "bigger" there (not always better), the colours are more vibrant and the emotions are stronger and less restricted. My excuses for not engaging with the real world are all slowly turning into "because there's nothing out there".

It's a bit like I've chained myself up in Plato's Cave; there was probably a good reason at the time, but now I can't leave.

@OP

Do you find yourself creating your 'castle' in surrogate systems, such as computer games etc? Online worlds like Second Life, World of Warcraft, even Minecraft, for example, would appear to fix a lot of the need, as you could literally create your own castle, albeit in pixels.

What does your inner world look like?

I'm not quite sure I understand what answer you're looking for. I thought the citadel was how you choose to react, your inner fortress against the outside world. Like a sort of meditative detachment.

I'm not trying to be dense, I'm honestly a bit confused by the question. Are you asking how I see the world? Are you asking what I think about most? Are you asking about my fantasies and dreams? Are you asking what the mood is inside? Are you asking me to imagine my mind metaphorically as a physical place and describe it?

That reminds me of The Fall of the House of Usher. Some believe it's about the mind.

I suppose I can relate to that a bit. Not that I remember anything particular about that story but it is Gothic literature and like most Gothic literature it reaches for the "sublime". How do I describe sublime... it means to take enjoyment of something in a visceral way. Seeing beauty in things that are imperfect and sometimes even frightening. Enjoying the details of life that perhaps aren't often looked at. Gothic Literature is about creating a detailed setting, a strong atmosphere, and a story that isn't very pretty.

In that, I have no castle. I have a large old wooden house in the woods.

The place would have crooked trees fighting for the sky. The night's would have a big yellow moon and the days would be covered in overcast. The animals would be mostly quiet and observatory, hanging around the house lazily and having been there forever. There would be an ugly chained dog watching every step you make and chickens scratching around in the dirt. There would be flighty, tweeting birds, cardinals and sparrows.

If you listened closely, you'd hear the bugs rustling in the leaves, grass, and dirt. Not really a comforting noise, but not too unpleasant. Like the feeling of being watched but for just the briefest moment.

The house would be old and well developed. Large but not so big as to called a mansion. Never threatening to crumble despite it's age and uncared for state. Perhaps it gets cleaned up sometimes, Perhaps a few things get repaired.

But the plants keep vining inside and the front door never closes. The walls are always faded or dirty, with hidden details waiting to be found underneath.

It would feel like an adventure and an identity all of it's own. Walking through the house and being filled up with it's presence.

And at night unseen creatures would scream in the forest, their noises growing closer until your eyes leak and your bones shake. The trees shivering as the screams grow louder. The bushes begin to rattle far too close and you unfocus your eyes too afraid to see the reflective eyes shining wide and sinister, looking at you.

poxalis wrote:

What does your inner world look like?

I'm not quite sure I understand what answer you're looking for. I thought the citadel was how you choose to react, your inner fortress against the outside world. Like a sort of meditative detachment.

I'm not trying to be dense, I'm honestly a bit confused by the question. Are you asking how I see the world? Are you asking what I think about most? Are you asking about my fantasies and dreams? Are you asking what the mood is inside? Are you asking me to imagine my mind metaphorically as a physical place and describe it?

That reminds me of The Fall of the House of Usher. Some believe it's about the mind.

I suppose I can relate to that a bit. Not that I remember anything particular about that story but it is Gothic literature and like most Gothic literature it reaches for the "sublime". How do I describe sublime... it means to take enjoyment of something in a visceral way. Seeing beauty in things that are imperfect and sometimes even frightening. Enjoying the details of life that perhaps aren't often looked at. Gothic Literature is about creating a detailed setting, a strong atmosphere, and a story that isn't very pretty.

In that, I have no castle. I have a large old wooden house in the woods.

The place would have crooked trees fighting for the sky. The night's would have a big yellow moon and the days would be covered in overcast. The animals would be mostly quiet and observatory, hanging around the house lazily and having been there forever. There would be an ugly chained dog watching every step you make and chickens scratching around in the dirt. There would be flighty, tweeting birds, cardinals and sparrows.

If you listened closely, you'd hear the bugs rustling in the leaves, grass, and dirt. Not really a comforting noise, but not too unpleasant. Like the feeling of being watched but for just the briefest moment.

The house would be old and well developed. Large but not so big as to called a mansion. Never threatening to crumble despite it's age and uncared for state. Perhaps it gets cleaned up sometimes, Perhaps a few things get repaired.

But the plants keep vining inside and the front door never closes. The walls are always faded or dirty, with hidden details waiting to be found underneath.

It would feel like an adventure and an identity all of it's own. Walking through the house and being filled up with it's presence.

And at night unseen creatures would scream in the forest, their noises growing closer until your eyes leak and your bones shake. The trees shivering as the screams grow louder. The bushes begin to rattle far too close and you unfocus your eyes too afraid to see the reflective eyes shining wide and sinister, looking at you.

I just want a nice cozy country house too

poxalis wrote:...

Great description. I think I stayed at a place like that in Cornwall.

I liked your narrative; it's the sort of place that would suit me. I like Gothic literature.

I live on a large piece of Somerset moorland and I can assure you that consumptive maidens in floaty nightdresses and brooding anti heroes will be prosecuted for trespassing, and if I encounter the beast it'll end its days as a novelty tea cosy. I never had much time for gothic fiction, I get bored of the endless drama and characters who mostly just need to get their $#%^ together.

More to the point I suspect disappearing further and further up your own bum is likely to make you more vulnerable to the demands of the real world when they inevitably occur. Ultimately my own castle is built on apathy, comtempt and the knowledge that my own agency isn't something which can be easily interfered with without my complicity. I take the attitude that you can either act or be acted upon so proactive engagement actually prevents outside interference.

To move around this topic where I can, I heard someone talking about their greatest asset being their agency. I thought it quite interesting that they found not much could bring them down because they had an inherent feeling that if they kept moving forward with direction, things would get better at their current state.

I don't tend to live in escapist castles as much as I used to although I will happily watch something with a rye sense of humour to take my mind off of things.

I'm in pain most of the time so when I am not distracting myself with work or some sort of chore or routine, it can get to me. So I keep myself busy and take pills to fall asleep. I wouldn't say that I have a great sense of agency with the belief that things will be better but that doing what needs to be done kills the time.

When I was five or six it started off as a gilded bird cage with a lot of pillows. I was trapped in the cage with someone else and I rejected them.

When I was around ten or so it shifted into a huge plant fortress akin to the mana fortress from the Secret of Mana video game for the super nintendo. It existed "in between" time, so I could always go there and stay there as long as I wanted without advancing the clock for the real world. I could bring anything I wanted inside and get rid of anything I did not want. I could have guests, most often copies of people that would only exist temporarily and then be deleted when our interactions were done so as to prevent any impact on the normal timeline.

I also had a job. Some kind of protector against some sort of ancient horror in space and time. Something like the langolears with more of a lovecraft bent. I am the caretaker till the day I die, at which point another will have to protect the world from the outside. Or they won't, and it'll all be consumed.

Recently read some of the books from "The Red Knight" series of fantasy novels. The magic system there has an inner world they use. The protaganist invited his original teacher's soul into his mental fortress followed by another similar teacher more akin to merlin or merlin's apprentice. I only finished two of the books though.

Would it be triggering or disrespectful to say that, in my castle, I would have the drummer, Clown, from Slipknot in a cage because I think he'd make a delightful (but extremely intimidating) pet?
* intimidating due to a lot of his behaviours in interviews rather than his costume