Bad choice....

Detaching from family is sometimes necessary to develop survival skills and to live your life without the stressful influences of relatives. I suppose most of you know about disappointing family who don't understand your disorder and had expectations for your life that you cannot fulfill. I didn't speak to my parents for several years in my twenties. I rarely see relatives. I moved to a different state and like having the excuse of distance to avoid family events.

However, I could never leave my pets unless I was absolutely certain they had good homes.

HungryJoe wrote:Song

Well, you didn't really write "song", or perhaps you did. But you sure am right... I am were I want to be I posted something in the new "...."-thread.

Slept 3 hours the last days, and I feel great. My sis helped me a bit with food, and money so I can read the social-workers mail that I'm suposed to get tomorrow sometimes.

But this is the feeling I was loning for, the one sleep deprevation gives you. I've only felt it once before, and during that time I was awake for about 5-6 days. Can I break the record before doing anything else? psychotic you might think? I'm note sure... never really got a hang of what it means to be psychotic. Please post a quick answer as I only have 80 mins after logging off. 80 minutes which I need for tomorrow as well.

Soon!! The freedom is so marvelous
Jail/asylum/pshyciatric ward or under ground? Which is to prefer?

I wouldn't recommend jail. Contrary to what you might think research shows that schizoids do very poorly in jail due to being vulnerable to predatory behaviour from other inmates. Of course that research was American and I suspect conditions are a bit better in Swedish jails.

HungryJoe wrote:I wouldn't recommend jail. Contrary to what you might think research shows that schizoids do very poorly in jail due to being vulnerable to predatory behaviour from other inmates. Of course that research was American and I suspect conditions are a bit better in Swedish jails.

I guess you're right.. didn't think about that.
Well, tomorrow I'll know more about how the future might look (hopefully).
Got an answer from the socialworkers... they told me that because I'm in stockholm I must contact them for aid. But I have got a strong believe that all they can do is buy a train ticket for luleå and make me start from there. Which, by the way, is something I will not do. But, since I also wrote that I was broke they inserted 300SEK to my account ^^ I'll awate an answer from my contact person at the adult psychiatric-thingi in luleå.

Today a security guard yelled at me. It happened twice.. first time was about 3-4 in o'clock the morning. I hade accidently fallen a sleep and lay in a very strange way and he was under the impression that I was on drugs. Same thing happened around 14:00 o) I guess when I sit up and sleep I must look weird.

This journey is something I do NOT regret for a second. No matter how it ends, I have come to know more about my self than ever before. Just a bit depressing that I'll forget most of it within a couple of days ^^

well... there I have it! ^^ All I "can" do, accoring to them, is to go back to luleå and take care of things from there. I kind of knew that that would be their response. Oh well, 20 minutes left of internet-time. I'll see what her next response will be. But I still smile, oddly enough.

I'm not traped, I'm free! ^^ Got damn what a rush... what movie?

Now this was an interesting night I might say... I also believe I wont have much time to write, and I only have 3 mins of internet time. I'll let you know more in the week.. unless I was a totaly paranoid ass hole, in which case I screwed up as much as one can!

I'll be damned... the freedom lasted a bit over a week. And now I'm back and stuck in my own home town. Just because I got interessted about what the heck happened that night I last posted.

I hadn't slept for over 3 days and I'll write more another time. I've just received Electro Shock treatment and am a bit dizzy. But last time I made an entry here I was either halucinating, or not. But someone did approach me seeing me sitting down in central stockholm with a knife in my sleave (or what ever) and told a cab-driver whom ran towards a security guard. I didn't panic or anything, but left the scene and hid away for a couple of hours.

When I made my way to the warmth inside of a building something odd happened... someone approached me telling me it would be best if I got rid of my knives, and for some reason I DID throw away my knives. As I understood it, the person encouraging me to do so came from a hospital.. don't know the term, but they drove around in a car searching for me (or so I believe). Later that day my head cleared and I made my way to the hospital to ask IF they did speak to me or if I hallucinated everything. Not that I came to know what really happened. But they made me talk to a doctor and spend the night there. The helped me get in touch with the socialworkers down there, and they provided me with a train ticked to luleå. Here my contact person met me at the trainstation and drove me to the hospital... that was about a week ago! I'm still here, receiving electroshocktreatment. Will receive 2 mor; at least.

They tend to believe it has all to do with depression. And I must admit I feel a bit different after these 4 treatments. But still... I wish I never had gone to the hospital.

All in all... for those whom believed me to be dead - I'm not. And to you whom believed I would be in stockholm and then be back... .. you were correct.

Funny how things can turn out. Not that I did have to explain much to my familly. But my mother canceled my appartment. So where I will live when I get out of this..this place.. I don't know. They are trying to get it back, but I doubt it will work. Will perhaps get a new one soon.


Still alive.. not that I really care!