Blood relations are overrated

I have a huge extended family and I'm the only one who doesn't go to its gatherings (weddings, funerals, Christmas). Us being related is just a coincidence. I don't feel any special bond with them (even my immediate family).

I stand a greater chance of enjoying the company of someone I "chose" (friend, spouse - even though I don't have either) as opposed to someone I'm "forced" to see or hang out with. It's like everyone goes to these gatherings just because they are supposed to and it's expected of them. Or maybe they enjoy it, I don't know.

If I met a long lost sibling I never knew existed, or a child I fathered unknowingly (not gonna happen!) or if I found out I was adopted and I'd be reunited with my birth parents, these new people in my life would just be strangers.

Do you see anything special in blood relations?

I've felt as you do, jofride, for as long as I can remember. I've never understood the big hooha over a complete accident. It seems like, following popular logic, I should also be eternally grateful for the people who grew up in my neighbourhood or state. It's all just chance.

And, yes, I'm glad my parents didn't treat me horribly like some parents do, but that's rather congratulating people for doing something that's simply the nice thing to do. It's like when people praise a father for being active in his kid's life. Well, no kidding. That shouldn't be worth praise, it should just BE. It's a sad state of affairs when people have to be praised for not being a complete dick.

Do you see anything special in blood relations?

No. Family members are just people like anyone else.

If I had a long lost brother or something chances are I wouldn't even want to see them.

I hate how everyone thinks children owe their parents something. "We sacrificed everything for you and changed your diapers and blahblahblah."

The way I see it they chose to have me forcing me to need money and diapers as a baby and all that stuff. I didn't choose to be born, especially in a world as #######5 as this one. I don't owe my parents anthing, in my opinion. I really can't stand them. I stay civil to them so they'll pay for my college. But after that I can't wait to get away and then I'll only see them rarely. Oh god, I can't wait.

I have always been at ease with and enjoyed my friends much more than my blood kin. There is no bad history with my friends, and I chose my friends, so its within my control how well we get along, unlike relatives, with whom one is just thrown together by happenstance. My relatives have been nice people, but I can't think of a single one I would have sought out to be a friend.
I also avoided family gatherings like the plague. I have felt more at home at a Malcolm X rally in the mid 60's (only white face in a sea of black) than I ever felt at ease with my relations, who I always felt just gave me the old stinkeye for being so schizoid, like I was that way just to bug them!
Now all those relatives have died off. There are some younger ones, but I barely know them, except for my son and his family. I don't do alot with my son's family, either, as there are just too many kids (6)and they overwhelm me with all the kinetic frenzy.

They say that blood is thicker than water, but they say a lot of other crap. Just because you are related to someone doesn't mean you have to... you know... stuff (Not a good day for writting, got a headache). Blood relations are overrated, they are like patriotism on a smaller scale.
I feel close to my direct family, but that's because they're great, not because I'm forced to. (Yeah, I like my family, I'm weird)

Alex Foster wrote:It's a sad state of affairs when people have to be praised for not being a complete dick.

Well said (I'm stealing that line). The standards of the world are way too low this days.

I have loyalty to members of my immediate family despite their being so different from me that I wouldn't be friends with them. I can't give any justification other than instinct. Even the most solitary of mammals forms some relation between parent and offspring and between siblings, and like such animals I find that relationship waning with the years. The loyalty I feel may be less emotionally intense than friendship but it is more robust in the sense that it is less contingent upon my conforming to their standards, which is a quality I like since it allows me to be more true to myself without being concerned with alienating them as I would a friend.

Family members are worse than normal people because all of them seem to think I want something to do with them.

Like everyone, except phineas, I have no special place for relatives, they're just people like everyone else and more troubling because they are more difficult to keep away. Still, and this is something I would like to ask normals, I see that there is an almost unanimous expectation that they should mean more than non-relatives. Even language is full of those connotiations; "You're like a brother to me" is something that implies a stronger bond than any other connection or even "You're like a father/son to me" and we have the idea of "brotherly love", nurses referred to as "sisters" etc. My conclusion from this is not that the bond is overrated, but rather a case of me missing that particular aspect of human behaviour/experience. I was actually saddened by this for a while, but what would the point be of that sadness really? It's not like I have a longing for them to mean something, more that I consider it somehow inferior not to have the full experience. In practice I just want them to stay the hell out of my life.

I don't need my family, nor would miss them if they, or I, went away. I've already left my family once without hesitation, regret or second thoughts. Didn't miss them what so ever. I simply don't care about them, In contrast to one of my family members who is very dependent on us being a family.

I have contact with a few people, on msn, and they've been a part of me for many years, but I can leave them too without second thoughts. I'm not really sure why it is this way.. but I know I have no attachments what so ever to anyone, or anything. Not even life or death.

But I agree with dtg about family members being worse than others since they are of such belief that family should be close and care for each other.

I don't have any special feelings for distant family.
My parents took good care of me when I was little and helped me out in some close calls. I respect them and would go out of my way to help them, they deserve it. Even if they are irritating at times.