Schizoid Thinking / Withdrawal / Fantasy

I suppose for me the being hard means constantly critising  (beating up) myself (unconsciously) for everything I do (and don't do). So that means also beating myself up for crying.

DaturaInnoxia wrote:Do you experience a sense of comfort or release or catharsis from it?

No. It's more about being allowed to cry, than it is about crying in itself.
Not being able to cry feels worse than crying. Often i feel there is "something" right under the surface of my awareness but it's eluding me. It's nagging that something isn't right but I can't get to what is not right. My life feels empty without this something.

I almost never cry when I am with other people, that would just feel horrible (inner critic beating me up). And then there is also the risk of getting "comforted" by them. Such horror