So my grandma died and I dont feel a thing...

phineas & puma....it really doesn't make much of a difference in the grand scheme of things, does it?

I mean...everybody dies, and only a small fraction of us are truly missed, as in, or absence makes a difference in anyone's life. I find it kind of confusing when some people feel they need to attend the funeral of anyone they ever knew...as if that makes a difference. I believe they think it makes a difference to the 'next of kin', but if I were the next of kin, I'd find it annoying and superficial to have all these mere acquaintances show up and expect something of me.

Thanks for the support...I don't know if it matters what I think about my reactions to their deaths. Occasionally I feel a bit of ....remorse...but mostly I think that remorse would be counter productive, and so, reject the idea that I should feel that way.

I guess I still wonder if I would be different if I had 'bonded' enough to them to feel that grief...but I can't manufacture something that doesn't exist. It's kind of the cart not leading the horse...or something.

I had a similar experience recently. My grandma died this May, but I wasn't that close to her or anything. I was more sad for my mom for her loss of her mother, but it wasn't really a loss for me. I didn't cry at all and seeing people crying around me felt uncomfortable.

I wasn't all that close to my grandma either. I admit sometimes she was hard to be around because she was a bit of a crabapple and she was a smoker. She got extremely thin before she died, and it was shocking and just made me want to avoid the situation. At the funeral the pastor would ask everyone if they had anything to say about her, but I could say nothing. It was kind of a frightening experience.

Sometimes I wonder what my parents' funerals will be like. Perhaps they would be different because I'm closer to them, but when it comes to saying stuff about them, I don't know what to say.