Apathetic

So I no longer try to fight the thoughts. If I try to fight it, it shows that I care.

"The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way, becomes the way." -Marcus Aurelius

"It no longer bothers me now I know my soul is being served by it." -St. Theresa of Avila

"Begin then with little things. Is a little oil spilled? Is a little wine stolen. Say to yourself, 'this is the price of apathy, of tranquility, because nothing can be had for nothing.'" -Epictetus

So I've been told repeatedly by my useless mental health team that I have schizophrenia. I think they were just pathologizing my weirdness. I don't hear voices. I do daydream and my daydreams are negative, but that's still normal, it's probably just worry. I haven't been to therapy in over three months and I'm fine.

If I go around saying I'm schizophrenic, then I will be held to much lower standards. Also, anything I say will be chucked up to "crazy talk." Like when I start philosophizing, I won't be understood by people who don't bother to read books, so it will just be "her condition." For example, I'm skeptical of exercising because 1. the stoics say you have no control over your health 2. Schopenhauer's "will to life." So that will get a big eye roll and I will be dragged to the gym like some eight year old.

Leo from Actualized.org made a video about how to stop playing the victim. He said you can either take 100% responsibility for everything, even your genetics. Or you can realize you're not in control over anything, anything. And be at peace.

I don't believe in free will. I do not control my thoughts, my emotions, my actions, nothing. It was never my fault, nor theirs.

Thanks for listening.

CityMouse wrote:So I've been told repeatedly by my useless mental health team that I have schizophrenia. I think they were just pathologizing my weirdness. I don't hear voices. I do daydream and my daydreams are negative, but that's still normal, it's probably just worry. I haven't been to therapy in over three months and I'm fine.

If you are doing good then you are doing good, nobody else has to play a part. My youngest brother has schizophrenia with actual delusions, but it definitely seems drug triggered. I got to hang out with him while he was lucid the other day and it's obvious to me as an outsider if he can maintain that level he can totally have a normal life. He had a better medication, he thinks, that has a more "spread out" after-effect, so he's able to better deal with it all. I'm absolutely with you that people want to arbitrarily discount certain things as "crazy talk". Everyone prefers an easier less complicated world view. It's easy to discount someone as just arbitrarily "crazy."

I don't even think stoics say you have "no" control over your health. I think they conflated all mental things with "spirit" and not "body" in ancient heuristics. The thing is we know now today that there are various relationships between the two. So yes, you do actually probably benefit from doing some amount of exercise every day mentally. I'm personally very very cerebral and not very physical, but I absolutely don't deny that hey... a 15 minute walk in an empty park every other day probably helps the meat-body and the brain a bit. We are still, at this moment, biological creatures. A little work with the body does help. Lowest level - exercise a bit to tire the body a bit to sleep better. It doesn't magically solve everything, but it is helpful. Your brain still depends on your body. They do work together a bit.

I also don't believe in free will at-all, but that's not here nor there. I think this Leo guy (watching this now) is still at an extremely basic level on these things. He seems like he's at like a 6th grade level of conception to me. He's too trapped in his own head at the moment, and further reading in philosophy would open up that he still has a lot of pre-existing assumptions. Also he seems to repeatedly be dismissing subjects that there are entire areas of study... kinda like a fairly common type of undergrad...