Reasons why you push people away?

In what? The eating thing? Yes. The rest of it? Definitely.

I don't want the relationship that they want;

The relationship I want isn't what they want.

I push people away because I feel like I have been judged one too many times, if not by them, then by the "voices." The damage is done. In fact, I'm starting to trust myself more and more, seeing as now I just automatically avoid people without even doing it on purpose, especially if they've been overly harsh and critical while lashing out at the slightest bit of criticism from me.

I know you shouldn't care what people think. But give an inch, take a mile. I've tried apathy: I try to ignore them and they test me to see what they can get away with. I know someone who has no defense mechanisms and is suicidal. Sooner or later, people realize, this person has no boundaries. And they just exert more and more power and control until they own you. Look at how many children are treated. And there's still slavery. And there's still k*lling. There's probably still cannibalism, perhaps with a religious veneer. So I don't put a darn thing past people.

Really it boils down to this: losing my identity, values, and coping strategies is a fate worse than death.

The image of pushing people away doesn't ring for me -- it's more like I take steps backward from them, or I'm slower at coming forward towards them.

People tire me out. Certain people more than others. I enjoy those I can laugh with, and those I can talk with with some sincerity and depth and thought.

I don't enjoy chatting except in very small doses, and I'll remove myself from those who chronically chat. The idea of going into a chat forum where people are popping off oneliners rapid fire, overlapping each other, and not really reading what's been said before, is gruesome to me.

Eight wrote:

People tire me out. Certain people more than others. I enjoy those I can laugh with, and those I can talk with with some sincerity and depth and thought.

I don't enjoy chatting except in very small doses, and I'll remove myself from those who chronically chat. The idea of going into a chat forum where people are popping off oneliners rapid fire, overlapping each other, and not really reading what's been said before, is gruesome to me.

same. Can't really do meaningless talk for the sake of talking.

As for chat forums, skype etc....'gruesome' is an understatement. But a least with people on this forum, you can say you don't do skype or even pm's and it is accepted.

Recently, on another forum, a guy wanted to skype with me. I was thrown into a quandery. We hadnt even communictaed that much on the forum posts. When I said I hate skype and did not even do it for family members when I lived overseas for many years ... I thn got a lecture on how beneficial it would be for me to overcome my fears. Fears? huh....

salles wrote:same. Can't really do meaningless talk for the sake of talking.

More than once, I've been asked "Why aren't you talking?" I'll answer, "I have nothing to say."
The idea of not talking when you have nothing to say strikes far too many people as a novel idea.
Therein lies the problem.

As for chat forums, skype etc....'gruesome' is an understatement. But a least with people on this forum, you can say you don't do skype or even pm's and it is accepted.

I've been invited to chat places such as Discord and other places, or to skype with a group.
I just can't. It isn't my style of talking at all.

I'll do PMs. Someone says something. You read it, think, and reply. They do likewise. That works for me. What might not work, though, is if they have an expectation of a quick response. I sometimes take days to respond. Many days sometimes. I guess that's impolite but I can't even write if I don't really want to write. I hope that's not pushing people away.

^^^^
also some people who do not work, fail to understand that those who do work have not the time to communicate.

Eight wrote:I've been invited to chat places such as Discord and other places, or to skype with a group.
I just can't. It isn't my style of talking at all.

A while back you suggested the reason I don't like Discord was the immediacy, which is a good way of putting it. I'm too contemplative. Even in real life conversation, if I feel I'm forced to overextend my presence or answer rapid-fire questions I can, but I feel as if I'm presenting myself sloppily and I don't like to do that.

naps wrote:Also, people tend to stir up emotions in me, which is fine, but I don't think I deal with them properly. Where emotions are concerned, I like to take it slowly and carefully. Additionally, when I am finally able to get away, the emotional affect lingers and I take them home with me in my head. This is annoying, like tracking dogshlt from outside into your living room.

I've been getting that more and more lately. It's kinda nice in a sense that it's different than feeling nothing. Used to I'd get into a sort of feelzy state when getting home and promptly ignoring it like it was a passing breeze. Now I think of people and I don't know how to handle that.

naps wrote:

Squaredonutwheels wrote:Hungry

Is this a joke?

I believe he means "hangry"

I get like that.

Holodeck wrote:I've been getting that more and more lately. It's kinda nice in a sense that it's different than feeling nothing. Used to I'd get into a sort of feelzy state when getting home and promptly ignoring it like it was a passing breeze. Now I think of people and I don't know how to handle that.

When I worked in restaurants, which is a very social atmosphere, I used to spend what I considered to be an inordinate amount of time at home thinking about conversations/interactions with co-workers. I hated that. Few of them interested me. It was the social equivalent of watching TV commercials instead of ffwding through them.

I suppose on one level it was a necessary thing to process being that I would be spending another eight to ten hour chunk of time with them the next day and social fluidity did not come easy for me.

What I really hated was being affected by workplace drama.