Where does she go?

It is strange. Over three years, we have met many times...but, only ever on her terms. Solitary walks...for miles. Perhaps a game of chess in a remote café (I think she is comfortable with the fact that she doesn't have to meet my gaze); but, almost never in crowded places. Her life is controlled; every aspect of her relations with others is controlled. She cannot 'overlap' her relations with others. Life is 'compartmentalised' into separate spheres that must not overlap. We may meet and talk on the intellectual level; but never on the emotional level; if, occasionally I press her, she goes quiet, as though she 'cannot' speak. I sense her discomfort. I know she knows I know. Is there such a thing as a 'non-relationship'. With certain people everything works in reverse. It is like she is a photographic negative. I try to get close; she moves away. I give up. She comes back. We have a nice few hours walking. We part. She goes quiet. She has had her fill. She does not think of me between the gaps. She is there. Then suddenly 'poof'; like a genie..she is gone. On rare occasions, she leads me to believe there will be a conclusion; but life is merely a series of never ending days, with nothing to link, past, present and future. Each meet is like it is the first and the last. That is why I pursue other relationships now and keep her as a friend. I can only presume she is happy in her self-imposed exile. I leave her alone in her world of silence. But as someone who is capable of feeling; I feel sad that she is less capable. I wonder if such a person is happy in their separate universe.

iwillsteal wrote:I can only presume she is happy in her self-imposed exile.

Now that's reasonable.

I wonder if such a person is happy in their separate universe.

Now that's between you and yourself. It's not about her. You want to "save her" from something (which, if you're a fan of psychoanalysis like you seem to be, then it means you want to save yourself from something by proxy), and she clearly doesn't want that.

And that's it and that's that.

I like your posts OP. They're authentic and your interest and curiosity shows through without being to overburdening with expectation.

I suspect that she doesn't come back because you move away. She comes back because she comes back.

"Each meet is like the first and last."

Isn't that a beautiful fractal of life itself. That there is nothing to hold onto, there is no real possession and the grasping to hold something that is in constant flux is what is causing you unnecessary suffering.

That the material that we find ourselves in is unemotional information and we coat something pure like that with our own self reflection, insulating us from what is right in front of us in all it's glory.

Whether she is happy or less capable and you feeling sad about it is your projection of yourself onto her. If anything she is purer, as she does not yearn and suffer. She just is.

If the two of you continue to bump into each other, each moment will be precious as it may be the last. Actually it is always the last time and the next one brand new.

Hopefully you don't build up anxiety and resentment about the silence. My guess is that she doesn't do it maliciously.

OP, honest question, no particular motive, just curiosity:

why did you post this thread in this particular subforum?

Thanks for the answers everybody. I think I posted this thread in this particular forum, because I recognised the possibility of schizoid traits in a person, and I was interested in knowing if somebody who thinks in the same way, might be able to explain more, from their own perspective. I guess it is curiosity. And having read some of the things that have been posted, it has made me realise that we are all walking around occupying very different ways of being and relating to each other in the world. These different ways of relating mean that some of us will never be able to 'meet in the middle' with others, other than, perhaps,for short periods of time. There is a certain sadness in this. It might be all well and good, as one persons comments make clear, that if that is the way a person is, then who do we think we are to criticise. Firstly I must say, I would never criticise. And my posts were not criticism of another person, but 'observation'. But what I would say, is that unless a person has experienced the 'possibility' of being able to spontaneously feel, and, as a result to be genuinely free, then how can they know which 'version' of themselves they would prefer, if they were given the possibility of experiencing both. I suspect I know the answer, but as with everything I reserve the right to be wrong.

anathegram wrote:

solemnlysworn wrote:I suppose I'm not really interested in the idea of being able to share myself with others and so the underlying 'attachment' that keeps people together after heavy sexualisation doesnt work for me

the idea of having to move between intimate sexual and non-sexual contexts with the same person is one of the many things I bind baffling about sexual relationships

It's one of those things that people spot dissonance in my actions through. He was sweet there and didn't seem to care here. I think I can reduce it to whether there was sexual undertone or not.

iwillsteal wrote:Thanks for the answers everybody. I think I posted this thread in this particular forum, because I recognised the possibility of schizoid traits in a person, and I was interested in knowing if somebody who thinks in the same way, might be able to explain more, from their own perspective.

I figured as much, but thought I should check.

But as someone who is capable of feeling; I feel sad that she is less capable. I wonder if such a person is happy in their separate universe.

Speaking for myself, I can really only be happy when I'm free from the impositions of others.

If you're finding a relationship too stressful or it's simply not what you want, you don't need to continue it. But from what you've described it sounds like your relationship with her mostly works for her as-is. It's your call.